thread: Get a life!!!

  1. #1
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2004

    Get a life!!!

    I got married at 20 and fell pregnant (on the pill) on our honeymoon. My husband and i met at church and waited till we were married before having sex. As soon as we told people we were expecting, i got the worst looks. Alot of people decided that it was a shot gun wedding, even though we had been engaged for a year and the wedding invites went out 7 weeks before the wedding. Also, I had a few strangers ask me as soon as they knew i was pregnant, if i am married. Like it is any of their business!
    But the worst part of it all was my husbands family! Firstly they were disgusted i would tell people before 12 weeks then they started carrying on that i fell pregnant on purpose. That it was a way of trapping thier son! Hello! He had already married me!
    Now i am 21 and have 9.5 weeks to go till bub is born. I have been keeping well away from DH family. They have been trying to get closer ever since i passed 12 weeks but i say too bad for them. They have hurt me too much to even think they will ever have a close relationship with me or bub (whom they kept calling an accident).
    I'm to swollen to wear my rings now as well, but at least i know who my friends are, and my side of the family are brilliant. I think some people need to get a life! Sorry i've babbled so much but this is a subject that really gets to me! At least once bub arrives it will all be worth it!

  2. #2

    some people are so insensitive arent' they. As you said at least you know who your friends are and you always have the lovely girls of BellyBelly to vent too. Are you all organised ready for the impending birth ?

    Love :hbeat:

  3. #3
    BellyBelly Member

    Aug 2004

    Mel, we are in a bit of the same boat. I am 25, DH is D3. Although we have been married for two years, when we told DH's parents, there was no excitement whatsoever, his mother even went as far as to say, well it is only early days, I will get excited when you are further along because I know all that can go wrong in pregnancies! My family has bought us bunny rugs and bibs, and been over the moon from the start, but his parents make us feel like we are doing the wrong thing. You would think that being settled down, building a brand new house, and having a baby would be achievements they would be proud of, I know we are!

    My advice to you is as long as you and DH are happy, just enjoy it with the people around you who are also enjoying it because these will be the best years of your lives!

    Oh, and congrats and welcome to BB!

  4. #4
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2004

    Thanks guys. Feeling a bit better now. Just needed to get off my chest! lol
    I think its important to tell people your pregnant because if you don't and something did happen you'd feel like you have to go through with it on your own. At least if people know, than you can get support. It happened to my mum at 21. She fell pregnant on her honeymoon too but she lost the baby and had no support.
    Anyway, on a brighter note, yeah, i have everything ready for bub. The day we found out mum bought us a little bib, hat, bootie and mitten set and got it embroidered with 'i love my mum and dad'. She is one excited Nana! It is their first grandchild so they are over the moon. They have bought us everything - pram, bassinette, change table, clothes. We were given a brand new cot from one of mums friends. We have been very lucky!
    So i guess i can't complain, my parents, grandparents and brothers definitely make up for the Inlaws. Plus my DH is getting much better at telling them off! [-X
    Take care

  5. #5
    BellyBelly Member

    May 2004

    Hope everything goes well for you both and that you are able to tell you IL's to get lost once the baby is born.
    It is such an hurtful thing to do I'm sure thet can work out by your dates that nothing happened until after you where married.

    I also understand the reason why you told ppl so soon that you were pg so soon.

  6. #6
    Pietta Guest

    Mel and Min I am exactly the same with my IL's. Mel I ended up saying to them just before I had Ryley- Look i dont trust you, the way things are going i dont want you to ever look after my baby and I find it uncomfortable being around you. This caused HUGE HUGE arguments (i emailed it to them- not to their face- bot of a coward) but now they are awesome because they know that DH and I love each other andf Ryley was concieved in love and that if they want to see him they need to bend a little too.

    Well I can safely say that all is working out- but has totally changed since Ryley has been born. Try and lay some ground rules and let them know they've hurt you. They might suprise you. (oh and by the way- My Mum was one psyched Nanna too and she still is! She has a brtag book she shows everyone- she even showed the chick at the petrol station!!)

  7. #7
    Pietta Guest

    Oh and i told EVERYONE i was preg as soon as the bloods confirmed it!!

  8. #8
    Melinda Guest

    Mel, that's awful that your IL's treated you like that. Some people can really be insensitive!

  9. #9
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    May 2004

    OMG!! Where do these awful ppl come from? I am not married and I am pg with my 3rd child. I have never met anyone who thinks I should be married or think I want to trap DP for any reason!! Maybe I don't read ppl the way I should, not that I would care anyway.


  10. #10
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Jul 2004
    House of the crazy cat ladies...

    URGH!!! How horrible of your IL's to say those things about you!!!!

    DP and I are not married, and we had only been together for 7 months when I fell PG last year (I was 20 and he was 21). We had a few fallouts with MIL as well... She even suggested to DP that he should get our baby DNA tested just to make sure it was his (GRRRRRRRR!!!!!) and all sorts of other nasty things about me.
    But in the end I forgave her, and now she is a doting granmother and absolutely adores Aidyn.

    I think for the time being you should stick with those ppl that are supporting you and leave it up to the IL's to try and mend the damage and hurt that they have caused.

  11. #11
    Kristine Guest

    Hi there

    I am only just 23yrs old, I have been with my fiance for almost 6yrs and we have two children together, Alexander who is three and Elisabeth who is almost 2yrs. We got engaged after 12mths or so but still haven't got married.

    I've not really had any probs with dissaproving looks or comments, but then again i'm the sort of person who will just ignores those selfcentred snobs :-)

    I agree with the above post, just stick to those who are supportive of you and happy for your new family. You don't need negative people in your life..

    Good Luck

  12. #12

    Hi Kristine.

    Welcome to BellyBelly. Hope to see you in the Toddler forums

    Love :hbeat:

  13. #13
    layla Guest

    Hi Mel,
    I can relate to your situation. Me and DH got married when I was 18 (he was 19) and decided to try for a baby immediately, we got pg 2 months later!
    We got mixed reactions from people and most thougth "it" was an accident. How frustrating! ](*,)
    I wouldn't change a thing and I hope you keep your chin up and believe in yourself. You really sound like you've got it together, so if DH's family are being arkward, it's their loss!

  14. #14
    ok take 2 of going back to work.....

    Nov 2004
    Giving the gift of life to a friend..

    My IL live in bali, so I don't have them interfering!
    Mind you I adore them & they adore Maddy & I! I actually miss them!

    I was an unmarried mother until Maddy was 4!
    I have a great family, Aunt's, Uncles etc!!!
    They simply said to me, better to be single & happy, than married & miserable!
    Not that I had the chjoice as Partner walked out on me!
    But I am the type of person that cannot bite their tongue & snap back at people that make judgements without knowing anything!
    My Mum says I have my Aunt's temper!?
    But if my IL's upset me, they'd know about it!!!
    Mind you we have communication break downs often as my Indonesian is not fluent & neither is their English!!!
    But I would have no probs putting them in their place, but discuss with DH first what he feels about what was said, if he won't tell them off for you, you gotta let them know! Or avoid them!!!!!

  15. #15
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Nov 2003
    Kilmore Vic

    My MIL was also a cow when I fell pg, totally unplanned but then bf (now dh) was supportive of me and we loved each other, we were both 19. My MIl said things to her sisters like she hoped I'd lose the baby, she told my mum she'd never give up Bingo for no baby, and the girls were I worked used to give her the ****s, yelling out HI Grandma whenever she came in the shop. Then...she tried to get into the birth and bcame totally overbearing and still is a pain in the arse 4 kids later (see the punching bag).

    I don't really care what people think, we had 2 kids, brought a house, then got married and had 2 more kids, and although thiungs aren't always smooth sailing as long as we are comitted to each other the nasty people can go to hell, they will get theirs in the end.

    I agree with everybody else
    Hope things are going well for you

  16. #16

    Nov 2004

    Im glad to know its not just me...

    DH and i have been together since May '04, engaged within a month (we were like best friends for about 2 years before we got together) and i fell pg the night we got engaged while in holiday in Melb. We were planning to get married March 19 2005, we brought it forward and got married 6th november 2004. I had my baby 20th march, and have a toddler. We got some mixed reactions (my MIL is sooo supportive, but my mother yelled at me when she found out i was pg!) We are wanting another one soon, and we havent told anyone that we are thinking that way, most people arent very supportive. BTW, im 21 and DH is 23 (we got together when i was 19 and he 21) We have had our ups and downs, but e love each other and thats all that should matter to anyone.