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[The[cookie]Doctor]

hey lindsay welcome to our little chatty home

[The[cookie]Doctor]

This was posted by Sally, in the 'what do you classify as young thread', but im replying here...

I went shopping with my Aunt today, and i told her about my friend who is 8 weeks pregnant with twins. My Aunt's reply was oh no. I said she's really happy, and in a stable relationship so why not? My Aunt said but she's so young, my friend is 22, she'll turn 23 just after bubs are born. Anyway when we got to the checkout there were these two girls there admiring Brendan and 1 said ooo I can't wait to have kids (she would've been 18ish), and the other said nah i'm waiting till i'm 28 or so(also about 18ish). I thought this was very interesting and I said to the girls, Age doesn't matter as long as you are in a stable realtionship and are 100% sure in what you want. My Aunt happened to disagree and said ooh noo even 24 is too young, you don't know what you want at that age. My Aunt had her baby last year at 34, she struggled so much because she was so set in a routine and a baby had come along a messed it up.

Wow Sally, and you let her get away with saying that in front of you?!?!
Sorry i don't mean to be rude, (haha i get pregnancy b***h-pants) i would be so offended if a 'valued' family member made that kind of remark in front of me, surely she realises you might be offended by this statement? And especially after just having lost your partner and having a m/c? Salt in the wound much? Was she born yesterday, does she have no sensitivity??!?!
I understand why my family or friends may not approve of my decisions (esp my grandparents, my mum was 18months younger than me when she fell prg so the sting might be a be a bit familiar to them, knowing how she struggled), but to blatantly undermine you, and your decision, and how you are doing, when you are right there?!
Maybe im over-reacting but oh my goodness i would be peeved. And from my aunties too, if they had said that i'd be like, "well as far as im concerned, it takes a stronger person to raise a child than it does to have an abortion..." and hope it hits where it hurts and hard.

ETA - Point of course being that you're younger than the friend you mentioned, and the age she stated... i forgot that bit in my rant and rave...

gosh i think im in a foul mood or something. that's some kinda mean up there. pmsl.

[Early Kids]

I simply told her, that the time was right for me and i'm happy and do not regret any choice i've made!

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Sorry i hope i did not offend you!

[Early Kids]

that was a very rushed reply... I was very "put out" but ever since she got pregnant she''s been almost pushing advice on people. She didn't want any advice from anyone and told everyone to keep their noses out, which is fair enough, but now she is doing what she didn't want done to her! This may sound very biased, But my Brendan is better behaved and a much happier baby than my cousin. I fed on demand and till he was full, I never regimented a schedule as such, I work around him, feed him when hes hungry, let him sleep when he's tired. brendan has been sleeping through the night since 4-5 months old, I mean doing 12+hrs, he sleeps 2-3 hrs between feeds during the day also. My cousin is 11 months and still doesn't sleep through the night, she only gets fed at set times during they day and only gets fed a certain amount. Therefore is mostly grumpy and whingy, because shes still hungry! She's made to sleep a set times during the day. this may work for others, but my point is I don't tell her what she should do or how to raise her child, I don't judge her because she waited until 34.

[Early Kids]

No of course not Ash... i'm totally with you, i'm just trying to think of what I wanted to say i'm still a little slow....mushy brain from all the pg hormones.

[Early Kids]

I didn't say anything to her, because I didn't want to get into an argument... I think I have enough to worry about.

[New Dawn]

Gee Sally I think I would have been quite upset by your aunt if I was you, dont know if I could have taken it so well. lol but then again I am a biggggg wimp so I more than likey would have. When DH and I 1st got together at 17 and we told his mum that we were engaged the first thing that she said to him was " You dont have to marry them when thay get pg anymore, you can just walk away and it will be her problem not yours." well I wasnt pg and didnt have our 1st baby until after been married for 3yrs but thats her I guess. I should have know then what she would be like as now she in 10 times worse. If your aunt puts you down then maybe you shouldn't hang out with her, sound like you are doing all the right things with Brendan.

I too think it is easier for young mums to silp into motherhood as we didnt have a routing to ruin, we never got to run a business before we had kids where everything had it place so we dont think our kids will just be the perfect texted book baby iykwim.

[Early Kids]

I too think it is easier for young mums to silp into motherhood as we didnt have a routing to ruin, we never got to run a business before we had kids where everything had it place so we dont think our kids will just be the perfect texted book baby iykwim.

It's funny you say that, I totally agree. When my cousin was born, my mum and my grandma tried offering advice with some problems that my Aunt was having, and my Aunts reply was "I've read all the books I know what I'm doing". Well, that's were the problem is, most birthing and babies info books are written by men, most of whom probably don't have kids! lol, Anyway, after not taking advice from other mum's my Aunt ended up with Mastitis, she had it for a week before going to see the dr, A WEEK!!!! My mum and grandma told her that's what she had, but My Aunt knew better than a mother of 3 and a mother of 6. I take in all the advice I can get, whether I choose to use it or not is my discretion, but at least I know that once I've tried everything there is always something else to fall back on.

[mummycate]

Hi ladies, I'm Catherine. I'm 20 years old and have just recently left my partner of 2 years. I am looking for my own place atm. I start my new job on Tuesday, as a child care worker. I'll be working 3 days a week. Custody of our daughter is shared, mainly for convenience for us both. As I'll be working 3 days a week, he'll take her and I'll have her the rest of the time, as he has uni. The break-up was mostly my decision as I wasn't happy anymore and needed intimacy and romance.

I have gotten lots of advice over the year and most of it I just ignore. We don't know how to politely tell someone to mind their own business in the shopping centre or bus or whatever. But yeah, I give advice to those who want it and always say, that that's what I did/think and that she has to make the decision right for her.

Tali, wow your MIL is a b!tch to say that right in front of your face! I'm sorry but omg that's so mean, and if you were expecting, how can she just tell her son to just make it all your responsibility? Wow, that's just wrong. Ok I'm going to stop venting now.

[Early Kids]

hello Catherine How's Elouise today??

[mummycate]

That cold is not too bad, just a barky cough and a runny nose. She's napping on my lap atm. How's Brendan today?

[New Dawn]

you dont know the half of it but I wont go into mil as it just makes me sooooooo cranky but there is one good thing she did and that was have DH not that she treats him much better,but atleast he knows that he has a ***** mother.

[mummycate]

Tali, well in a way its good he doesn't like her either. Then he's not going to be on her side a lot, as what happens in many marriages. Man... to be married.... I wonder if I ever will..... Or will I be happy?..... Ok I think I'm just tired and bored.

[slimjadey]

My MIL can be a little too free with her advise too. I don't ask her for advise very often LOL, i usually ask my two SILs, they both have young families too 3-4 kids all under 6 years old so they both understand that each child is different and not everything works for each child. They give suggestions of things to try instead of saying 'do this do that' which is awsome.
I can't believe some of the comments being made! as if 24 is too young, 200 years ago girls were married and pregnant at like 16, Juliet (as in Romeo and Juliet) was 14, and what an awful thing to say that if a girl gets herself pregnant you don't have to marry them anymore that its their own problem! Sure you don't have to get married but it most certainly is the father's problem... its his child... anyway, sorry pg hormones.. that just sounds like such a hurtful thing to say
Anywho...
As i was saying, each child is different, my two couldn't be more different. DS1 has dark hair, dark eyes and one hell of an attitude. DS2 has blue eyes, light hair and is the sweetest little thing, so not the same thing works for each of them. If we need for DS2 to stop some particular behavior we just tell him no and pick him up to distract him and that's fine, DS1 needs to be told and then threatened with time out to which he freaks out and has a tantrum so he gets time out he also needs a smack every now and then when he's being really naughty like if he tries to hurt his little brother.
Don't let family stick their noses in if its not really wanted because they don't know any better as each child is different, you know your child better then they do.

[Early Kids]

Cate, I'm glad she's ok. Brendan is really good. It's 7:30 am and he has just woken up, been asleep since about 9 last night And one day you will be happy, you will meet a man that is right for you, it may not happen tomorrow it may not happen next year, but you just gotta hang in there! Enjoy life you are still young and have many years ahead of you!

Tali and Jade, Don't get me started on MIL's..... When Brendan was still in hospital (about 1.5 weeks old) he got 2 infections at once, stomach and blood, we almost lost him, they had to resucitate him and he was put back on life support. When I told my MIL (now x) her reply was "oh well". I recently M/C at 17 weeks and when she found out about that it was they same, "oh well, these things happen". Sure these things happen, but hang on a minute, wouldn't the right thing to say be, "Are you ok?" or "how are you feeling?" I'm glad I don't have to associate with her anymore. Her DS, my XF, dumped me 2 weeks ago, because he wanted to ride motorbikes and go out hunting instead of having his son and unborn child around. Anyway starting to dribble. I know I will never be good enough for her son anyway! lol as if, he's not good enough for me.... hahahaha.

I'm going now... I talk too much.

[New Dawn]

jade- I agree all children are different DS has always been really quite and pretty well behaved but DD1 is ouuuuuuuuuut there she knows what she was put on the planet for and cant wait to start doing it as my mum has always said she is a old soul how has been her before. She is a challange but wonderful all the same. DD2 I thought was going to be quite like DS but now that she is over 1 she is getting her personallity and its a good one she is now more like her sister and can be very firesty(sp?) as she is strating to pinch and screem to get her own way. All I keep thing is that my girls are going to be so much fun when they are teens I think I will have to give them to mum and dad lol.

sally - I think your XMIL and mine would get on wonderfully I really hope I dont become as bad as she is when the day comes that I have a DIL but as I have been treated so badly I think I will really try to be nice.

Catherine- I know I am lucky DH see's her for what she is but that because when he was younger he was always treated differently to his sister as she could do no wrong yet he couldnt do anything right I have never seen a family who had such favorits before and its not just me who seen it his auntys have said it before too.
Just like Sally said you will find someone it will just when you are ready.

[mummycate]

I know. I guess sometimes I feel like I'm in a hurry and other times I want to run away from men. But lately, I really need a man's company if you get my drift. Not having any for nearly 2 months and after having my implant out, my libido has increased dramatically, well I'm almost desperate. But not desperate enough for my ex thank the sweet lord!