yeah i know family seem to be the worse for it mine were like that a well someone told me i should get rid o my youngest if i ask for someone to babysit if it more than once in a blue moon i get "well you chose to have 3" so i dont even want to know what they are going to say about the next one hehe I think they either do it coz theyre jealous or theyre worried but dont know how to show it and some are just really unsupportive....i guess its a good thing i didnt have a life to start with. im married and weve been together for 6 yrs too so i dont know why ppl cant let us live how we want to and in my case have as many as we want. iv wanted heaps of kids since before the baby bonus and would still want them if it was gone.
Oh, I'm so with you guys on this one... I was 20 when I fell pregnant with my first bub, my mum nearly hit the roof when we told her but I guess I can understand because my man and I had only been together about a month when she was conceived (we'd actually only just moved into our first house together six days before we got her in the oven)... but she soon got over it, especially once we got married ('Haha, she's got him now!! No easy way out!' I'm sure she thought), it was more the comments from strangers that annoyed me.
I remember shopping for some new clothes with mum (hubby takes the car to work so mum and I go shopping together all the time) and I chose a dress because it had room for me to grow, the manager of the store who we chat to all the time was like, 'OMG aren't you still in school though, and you're pregnant?!' Mum was like 'She's turning 21 in a few weeks' and the girl was like 'No way, I was positive you're only 17!!'
I still get carded for cigarettes so I guess I look pretty young...
The worst one was when I was about to drop, I was out and about one day and this insane woman in her 30's came up to me and started pointing at my belly (which was HUGE compared to the rest of me) and ranted on and on about how I was a disgusting human being, I must only be doing it for the money and that it was horrendous for her to see 'little girls like you BREEDING like rabbits' because she was going through IVF and hadn't been successful. Well, I'm sorry I can do what nature intended and you need help, but my age has nothing to do with how good a parent I'm going to be, same as my tattoos and piercings and 'weird' clothes aren't going to make me a bad mum. I was so upset at her ravings I didn't leave the house for a fortnight because I was scared everybody was thinking things like that about me, but I've learned just to hold my head up and give them 'the look' (which is especially effective when you have a face full of studs and a tattoo across your chest from shoulder to shoulder).
I just think it's crazy how judgmental society is towards young parents these days, my husband and I were friends for ages before we got together and we had both talked a lot about how we wanted to have kids before we were 25 because then we could focus on career later, and have less to worry about as far as age-related risks go (Down's Syndrome etc)... and even though we were pretty broke when we got pregnant, things are only getting better and better as we get older and we don't think for a second that having a house paid off, a Lexus in the driveway and enough to send our kids to a prestigious Catholic school is the way to raise kids. We think it's more important to have a mum and dad who love them to bits and can teach them that money can't buy them the important stuff in life, and there has never been a day we haven't been able to pay our bills or put food on the table so I don't see what people are so worried about.
Also, our grandparents got married straight out of high school and had a bunch of kids by the time they were in their mid-20's, so why is it suddenly such a horrible thing to have kids before you're 35? For us, there was no worrying about 'finding ourselves' or 'having a life' or 'playing the field' - we knew that we were meant to be with each other so there was no need to date a million other people just to make sure. We have no desire to travel the world or get drunk every weekend so having a family young and just living for that is perfectly fine with us.
Gothmum, I agree with you. There is more to life than spending up big, sleeping with whoever you can and getting blown off your feet each night!! The heart wants what it wants and when you're ready you're ready!
I'm sure the IVF lady experienced pang of jealousy at seeing you pregnant, and probably wasn't directly attacking you - although it may have seemed like it!. When you have been trying so long for a baby or lose one it is very hard to see others in all their glory ^^;
I am returning to work next week...workplace is a catholic school and *some* of the employees there were very rude about my pregnancy. To the point where I was asked if I wanted to have my soul saved from the sin I committed. I must make clear though that out of 100 or so staff, only 4 people were rude.
GothMum...re piercings...I have a number of piercings but no facials (yet). The most visible is the dermal implants near my collarbone. Work doesn't even bat an eyelid at them however when I dyed my hair red (a nice natural looking red mind you...which went in over bleached out pastel pink so it would have been bright to start out) a few people at work went nuts over it.
Needless to say, when they saw pics of my former dreadlocks on facebook, they nearly died.
Okay sorry...I've finished moving off topic now LOL.
Everyone kept on telling me that I would end up being a centrelink bum and living in housing commission when I was pregnant the first time at 17. At the time, even though it was devastating to lose the baby, I was glad that I would have a chance to make something of my life before I did have kids.
And then I got pregnant again at 20, when DF and I had only been together for 3 and a half months lol and I get a lot of 'looks' from older mums... the grannies are the nicest, they sit down with me at the bus stop and ask if he's my first, and how motherhood is treating me and wish me luck for the future. A lot of them also talk about their past pregnancy's and grandkids (existing and to-be). It's interesting and I get to know people who live in my local area that I wouldn't have otherwhise talked to.
The up side of everything now though is that DF and I own our own house already and in the past 5 months we've halved our mortgage, we own a good car, we have family nearby if we need help, and DF works his butt off 6 days a week so that I can be a stay at home mum for our beautiful little boy, and we're planning our wedding for January next year.
The people who give those 'looks' should concentrate on their own problems more instead of taking offense at young mums. Most of their parents were around our age when they had their first babies.
Last edited by JennaJayen; February 10th, 2009 at 06:43 AM.
I've had the plasma comment (not eligible)
I've had you're much too young to have 2 under 2 (pushing mid 30's)
I've had my father referred to as my husband (he's mid 60's)
I've had "you shouldn't have called your son that - it's a dog's name"
OK last one was a bit off topic, but I was just remembering all of the stupid comments from stupid people I've had.....
I could write pages and pages.
Can't resist one more OT - "all you have to do now is have the baby" when I was getting a car seat fitted with DS (prem) already 2 weeks old. Way to boost my self esteem...
I would think that the children having a loving environment is the most important, regardless of their parent's age...
I just realised that I got a bit of this yesterday at the hospital (if anyone wants more, I had a bit of a rant on the April 16th-30th due date thread)...
Just before we left, the midwife looked at me and asked how old I was. I replied "twenty three" and she looked a bit relieved and said "Oh, well, at least you're not really a young mum then, you're a bit more knowledgable"
Hmmm... Okay, a couple thoughts (both good and bad...) that ran through my head:
1. So because I'm 23 I know more than a younger mum would? If I didn't have the internet and my drive to know everything, I'd be stuffed! I look at some of the girls here that are younger than me and have kids and I feel intimidated!
2. Please, oh please say that again so my dad can hear it when I tell him I'm pregnant!
3. I'm half sick of people thinking I'm younger than I am, and half never want it to end...
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