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Thread: What do you classify as a "young mum"?

  1. #19

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    To me a young mum is under 21. I had my first at 22 and now onto my third and i am 26. I get looks all the time. It really annoys me as this is my decision in life and i look after my kids they have nice clothes they are always dressed well and never look scruffy. Always wear shoes when out and never yell and scream when in public. I do look younger then 26 so that is maybe why. I think that everyone is different and i hate the judgment. Sorry that was a bit of a vent
    lots more to say i just can't spit it out at the moment might come back later
    Thanks for listening
    Nikki


  2. #20

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    I agree with the need to enjoy your 18th & 21st as I was pregnant for both of them.
    When I had Jaz I felt like a young mum coz I was preggers at 17. With Bri I was only 20/21, so I was still young, but I could legally walk into a pub, so I guess I felt a bit better & not so judged. I'm 23 turning 24 with this one, but I don't feel like a young mum at all any more. Because I was so young with DD1 I think of anything under 18 as too young.
    I suggest starting to have babies at around 25, coz you've had plenty of time to enjoy yourself, but your still young.
    I say this from experience. It's really hard for me to have never had an adult life at all. I've never been able to go out all night & sleep all dy. I've never been able to be totally selfish like that. It doesn't really worry me now, but when I was about 20 & had alot more friends without kids I saw what I was missing & that was hard.
    I think until you are 18 you're not mature enough, you should give youself a few years being legally of age to enjoy yourself first.

    I'm not judging anyone. I do believe age has no bearing whatsoever on parenting ability. I just thing every one should have the chance to enjoy themselves before settling down with kids. As I said, I speak from personal experience.

  3. #21

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    Oh i did not mean that anyone here is judgmental i meant when i am out in public etc.
    I agree that you do need to live a little while being a teenager and i also agree that i am having my kids young so they will be older enough and i am still young enough to travel and do the thing i want to do.


    Nikki

  4. #22

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    Yes out in public is a bit different, but I don't really get looks anymore. Either coz they've stopped or I stopped paying attention. I don't go very far with DD1 now she's at school though, so people are a little surprised when I say I already have a child at school.
    I do get people who see me & think this is my first or second coz I usually only have Bri with me or I'm alone. When they try to give advice about what I've got to look forward to I just say 'Yeah I've done it twice now, so I should be right'. I usually just get an 'oh', or 'well you're an expert then'.

  5. #23

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    Quote Originally Posted by bjrose View Post
    I've never been able to go out all night & sleep all dy. I've never been able to be totally selfish like that.
    I think bjrose has hit the nail on the head there. I believe that everyone should have their time of being "selfish" and get it out of their systems so they can then be "selfless" with their children. Not saying that if you didn't get a chance to do that then you are a slefish parent - what I mean is everyone deserves a bit of selfish time in their lives!

  6. #24

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    From what everyone has been saying, most are in agreeance that under 21 is a young mum. I will be 20 when my bubs is born but dont feel that I am classified as a young mum basically because i dont feel like I am a young mum!! if that makes sense ... haha

    I have always said I would have kids around this age and it just so happens that everything has fallen in to place to allow me to do so. I have been married for over a year now, DH is able to support me and our baby so i can be a SAHM, we own our own home and a couple of investments and are financially stable etc. Most people wait until they are financially stable before they start having kids, i guess i have just been lucky enough that this has happened for us a lot sooner rather than later.

    I agree that under 21 is young, but whether or not the person is 'young' mentally is a different thing. I dont think it has any indication on your ability to be a good or bad mum, whatever these may be. I think the whatever age a person has a baby is the right age ... they are obviously the right age in someones mind - everything happens for a reason!

    I think being a young mum is going to be the best time in my life and im sure others who have had their baby 'young' (whatever age classification that is!!) would agree!!

  7. #25

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    Being young mentally, and in actual age are 2 differnt things. I'm 20, and was 19 when I had Blake, just turned 19 when we conceived and had been TTC for 10 months prior.

    I believe a "young" mum in age is under 30, but these days the average age for your first is around 29, so that fits. I believe you are only as "old" as you feel - someone aged 18 and mature minded might feel as "old" as a 35 year old, IYKWIM?

    I was very young in age to have a baby, but I'd been there, done that with all the things such as partying etc before I considered having a baby. I hate that people can judge "young" mums, just as much as people judge "old" mums. Any woman has the right to be a mother at any age!

  8. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashlee View Post
    Being young mentally, and in actual age are 2 differnt things. I'm 20, and was 19 when I had Blake, just turned 19 when we conceived and had been TTC for 10 months prior.

    I believe a "young" mum in age is under 30, but these days the average age for your first is around 29, so that fits. I believe you are only as "old" as you feel - someone aged 18 and mature minded might feel as "old" as a 35 year old, IYKWIM?

    I was very young in age to have a baby, but I'd been there, done that with all the things such as partying etc before I considered having a baby. I hate that people can judge "young" mums, just as much as people judge "old" mums. Any woman has the right to be a mother at any age!
    totally agree!!

  9. #27

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    I call young mums 24 and under.

    At the hossy i gave birth in they had young mums program and that was ladies 23 and under.

    Both my girls were born when i was 24

    Mum had my sister at 22. My sister had her first at 23. My first (and second) at 24!!

  10. #28

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    leease - sorry you must have misunderstood me i did only say 1 was spilt for thier partner but the others regret not enjoying parting before having kids.
    bjrose - i see you agree with everything i have said, and i agree that i don't judge anyone as i wanted to have a baby at 20 but it didn't end up that way.
    Nikki - i agree that there are some people who ar mature for thier age and there is no reason to hold back if you feel you are ready. especially if you are financially stable.
    I also beleive that where you live has alot to do with it. There is definatly areas which have younger or older mums and you do get influenced by the people around you.

  11. #29

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    I really think it depends on the indivdual......i was 21 when i had my first child and i was more then ready but friends of mine who were the same age were no way near ready, they needed to learn to look after themselves first before even considering bringing a baby into the world !!!!

    Having said that i must say i'm absolutely disgusted when i hear of 13 year olds having babies....to me that is a baby having a baby.

  12. #30

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    Well I was meant to be 19 when Laila was born (she was due 15th Dec) but she came late on the 23rd Dec and my bday was the 17th Dec so I was just 20. Im 21 next month and so I will be 21 with 2 kids under 2.

  13. #31

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    I had just turned 25 when Charlie was born & people called me a "young Mum", I had been with DH for 6yrs & married just under a year when I got pregnant & people had the nerve to ask "was it an accident"!! I don't think that was young at all.
    I would say still in your "teens" is young, you need to enjoy yourself, be young IYKWIM.
    Years ago as many have said our parents were having bubs as soon as married, many around 20 & it was normal, now as times have changed we are considered young. But reading all your posts I see another change evolving & I say in a few years you won't be considered so yound anymore.
    We do lots for our kids, we live for them. When they leave home you start to "live again (in a different way)" IYKWIM. I saw my parents & my IL's & what they do now & they are still able to enjoy themselves as they are not too aged & sick & that is why we made the choice to have our baby & I aim to have all bubba's before 30.

  14. #32

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    Under 22 years old comes to mind for some reason. Not sure why or what makes me draw the line there. However, I was suprised when I was in hospital recently in pre-term labour and I overheard one of the nurses referring to me as the "young Mum" in Room 12. I'm 29 but it felt nice to be referred to as a "Young Mum". So, obviously everyone has a different view on this.

  15. #33

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    Hi girls!

    I was 16 turning 17 when i first fell pregnant. Although i was dead set of keeping the baby it was the dumbest thing i could have done. My mum had me at exactly the same age and had drilled into me all my life not to make the same mistake. Not that she regretted having me, just that she wanted me to have other things in life. Unfortunetly (or fortunetely, depending on how you look at it, but thats a whole other issue) i miscarriade the pregnancy at 12 weeks.

    I was 19 when i fell pregnant for the second time. Another one of my silly mistakes. I am not ashamed to say that i terminated this pregnancy. I had just secured a Traineeship in a government department after being unemployed since high school. Throwing the traineehsip in and keeping the baby would not have been the right decision. I sure everyone has an opinion on this but it was my decision and as hard it was, i made it.

    In 2005 i fell pregnant just after my 21'st birthday. I had given a bit of thought to having a baby before my 21'st but then after i my birthday i decided to wait a little longer. Well i did'nt have to! I fell pregnant with Briley in August, 1 month after my 21'st. It must have been fate. I was 1 month short of 22 when i had Briley.

    Then in 2006 i fell pregnant again, this one was planned, i was 22. Colby was due and born on the 3'rd of August so i was 23 when i had her.

    Getting to the point, I think i am a young mum. But really, anyone under the age of 25 is classed as a young mum these days. I am glad i started when i did and don't regret my girls one bit. They are the light of my life.

  16. #34

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    I was in my local drs surgery just yesterday, and there was a poster for a "young mums group" ages 14-24. I personally think a young mum is aged up to 25. Once you reach 25 you are "just a mum" lol. Considering our "body clocks" run from around 14 yrs to 38yrs. Really a 25yr old mum is middle aged

  17. #35

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    Having said that i must say i'm absolutely disgusted when i hear of 13 year olds having babies....to me that is a baby having a baby.
    I totally agree!! I was disgusted that this young mums group poster I saw advertised from 14yo!! I know accidents happen but at 13 or 14 we are still girls. To me a young lady is from 16, and a young woman is from 18.

  18. #36

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    I guess it is clear that everyone has different views, i consider myself young, but obviously its also drilled into you that if it's not the norm then it's one or the other... i feel that i am ready to raise a child, if i did not think i was capable of this task i would have terminated the pregnancy or considered adoption, so i do not feel that i need to justify my age.

    Ive spent three years out of home, ive partied, ive wasted money, ive had amazing times, and as for work...i am not interested in a high powered career, i want to be a mum. that has always been the the number one for 'ambitions, aspirations and dreams'... so i am not shy of embracing the opportunity that has come to me, whilst a little less prepared and a little earlier than i would have liked, our jellybean is also a 'welcome surprise'.
    Of course i still want the opportunity to finish uni and to be able to work to support my family, but i feel there is nothing more special than bringing a human life into this world, and i am prepared and set up to do so, so i feel that i am old enough... I have pg scatterbrain so i hope this makes sense :P

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