AF came today.

F*** F*** F***. I don't know why I even bother being positive or trying to convince myself that "this could be the month!" I just set myself up for total and utter devastation.

How does life go on??? Seriously??? I feel so desperately alone right now - EVERYONE around me is pregnant, or has just had a baby - and I am literally going insane! I don't know if I can even take this anymore!

I just spent 2 hours on the floor of my shower bawling my eyes out uncontrollably after I saw a picture on F****** facebook of a friend of mine - who accidentally got knocked up whilst travelling overseas - cuddling her little, beautiful, perfect baby boy.

We've been TTC since January 2006 - no success at all - now know DH has 2-4% morphology - so will most likely have most success with ICSI. We've had the pre-appointments - but I am so, so, so scared of actually going through with it... the money... the fear of it not being successful... the fear of wondering how the hell I will cope with the shots and hormones.... and I don't even want to dare think about how I'll cope emotionally with a BFN... or if it just doesn't stick...

How do you learn to cope? How do you learn to deal with your emotions? How do you SURVIVE?!?!?!

L x