Oh MM I just read this post. Cripes, an ectopic, then the tube, then the lap. That is hideously horrible, I am so sorry. To me it is always much harder for a girl to have something and have it taken away from her than to not have it at all. I hope you are ok and the mental break is now doing you some good..
I don't understand how you can get an ectopic with IVF? It might be very obvious and I have heard of it before but I don't get it? I guess in itself if you do IVF again one missing tube would not affect the overall process would it, though you might feel a bit strange about the idea of something missing?? MM did you ever find out if the emby was ok in itself? What do you think you will do next if at all?
I changed direction completely. I felt so uneasy about the day 6 day old frozen blastocyst and googled somewhere I would have an 11% chance of it working and to me the emotional side of it all I could not cope with those odds. I was talking to my friend who was just near on giving birth to her IVF twins when she got quite stuck into me about the whole business. I felt like I had been lulled into a false sense of security as normally I don't let myself obsess about my IVF (maybe I do now a bit more) where as she always did and she was talking about how all this extra emotional womanly feelings about my right to have a baby and etc etc so I agreed. Then she ripped into me about getting a second opinion and that I could have had a baby by now etc.. my husband would bet on a horse why not on a baby .. It was quite horrible however I knew it was a matter of being cruel to be kind... but the manner was horrid.. I guess because she is a school teacher she feels this is ok to do. i don't quite know where people get off with this I have to say, i would never ever think to speak to somebody like that even if iwas concerned. I guess it is all good now however i remember them almost giving up and crap things happening in their cycle (like eggs getting stuck and not coming out at retrieval!) Sorry a bit of a rant I know..
I agree I have always felt some intermittent unease with my FS for personality reasons (he can be very philosophical and blunt rather than give me a consistent scientific response) and I have had a few other concerns, but there has been an overwhelming sense of we are on the verge of a break through and also, not wanting to start again with somebody new with more wasted cycles. My husband says he was always idealistic too, that you would complete a journey together and whilst our FS is not the best communicator he is probably a genious who knows how this is going to pan out anyway..
So I ended up going to have a second opinion with her FS, Prof Illingworth and he was very nice and perhaps just the type of FS I had needed all along, reassuring and dependable and scientific. He said that a 33 year old affluent female with blastocysts should have fallen pregnant by now. Seven ICSI cycles without success is astounding. I had some lab results send to him and brought a few copies of my cycle protocols. He was not concerned about my diet (obviously I don't eat takeaway everynight and I am not guzzling junk food). Without any sense of pressure to stay with him, he said we need to take a step back and re assess. He feels very positive we are going to walk away with a baby which is fantastic and my husband later said he almost cried at the appt he was so relieved. Prof Illingworth is looking at all angles: 1) a different cycle protocol (not mild stimulation with no blood tests like my guy does) and checking of the uterine lining (never had this measured before) 2) sperm DNA fragmentation test 3) gene testing for both of us 4) some other blood tests for metabolic issues 5) a sonohysterogram to look at my uterine lining plus there are other things we will look at later if needed like a uterine biopsy to see if there is any immune reaction from my uterus.
So basically see if there is anything inherently wrong with the genes (eg a mismatch between the karotypes), anything wrong with the uterus affecting implantation, and also he agreed with much better monitoring. We see him on the 9 August and I am quite excited, I would be happy to know there is something that can be pinpointed that is solvable so we can as Julia Gillard would say, "move forward". Even if it is something that is gene related that is not solvable but has to be worked around that is ok too because we are at least a bit closer in knowing what to do to have a baby.
I'll let you know how I go.
Take Care MM and all others on their cycles!
Sophie
Last edited by Sophie Baby Makes 3; July 29th, 2010 at 06:34 PM.
I'm finally starting to feel better in myself. I know I shouldn't whinge, but I guess I never imagined having this many problems, with miscarriages considering everything went ok with our first two babies (even though hubby and I are both infertile). I think i'm too scared to go back at the moment and part of me wants to go back and another part of me really doesn't. My best friend finally had her bub who was due at the same time our little boy was due, I'm happy for her, but it was such a cruel reminder for some time.
Anyway, glad you are going along well and have a plan, you always sound so positive! I really hope you get you bfp this cycle and that everything just falls into place perfectly. At least you know your other little embie is there if you need it later on. I'm glad you're happy with your new FS, it did sound like you had quite a few problems with your other cycles, but its never nice when friends use a harsh tone, I would have cried. Did she just feel really passionate about wanting to see you happy too?
I have to get back onto my diet, have been a bit naughty with chocolate, although it has been a good mood stabiliser I admit!
Hey MM!
Good to hear you are feeling better and less sad..i guess now is the time to be strategic about in what ways you are willing to have a new baby come into your life and the best way to get that for you...with IVF sometimes it is just trial the same thing over and over (like rolling 2 sixes) and the sucess is worth the misery. I saw this video on the net with Dr Ric Gordon & Jessica Rowe on the Today Show and at the end he stated the he had one lady cycle 23 times and she now has a baby and says it is all worth it. I reckon she must have been old and rich for that to go down but it goes to show you that it can happen.
For me once a calm crust has formed over the emotions of failed cycles i am all ready to go again. In the beginning it was more power through as many cycles as we could do one after the other to make the baby come quicker, now I realise how much investment goes into it and how distracted I can get. I also realise I need to be more strategic. I have my moments I have all the international adoption info off the aust govt website printed off - and could have an asian baby within 2.5 years - but when I weighed up for both IVF baby and adopted baby: financial investment, the amount of time to baby/child arrival, emotional investment now, and emotional issues when the child is an adult - I realised IVF is still the best thing for me and again I felt calm and assured.
So, yes have started with the new FS and brought my frozen emby across. All our test results came back normal. Yes my endo has come back a bit but this is not an issue. My doctor says it is basically unexplained and should work through the blastocyst cycles. Said he could see my head in my hands but there was nothing i could influence and that my many eggs is not to do with insulin resistence I just have alot of eggs. So he has changed my cycle protocol over and is doing regular blood tests (every second day).
So started my cycle on 4th october and IF ALL GOES WELL hopefully pick up by friday 16th or monday 18th then IF ALL GOES WELL day 5 blastocyst possibly with my frozen emby.
For now, my hormones are all over the shop -I am tired, erratic, can' t concentrate. I can't drive without getting lost!, i missed a turn out of the city and ended up at QANTAS departures today !! I drove around the same block for about 15 mins not knowing where on earth I was despite a street directory and clearly marked signs. I didn't sleep one night all stressec about the idea of co-sleeping with a baby for goodness sake (we had met a couple of friends with a brand new baby who sleeps in their bed and my husband goes and says that is a great idea - imagine squashing your ivf baby!!!). People can't wait to get off the phone from me - I am way too intense and just yabba..hence my long posts!
I'll let you know how I go with this cycle. (Ultimately I refuse to walk away from this clinic until I get what I came for)
Take good care of yourself MM and keep me posted.
Last edited by Sophie Baby Makes 3; October 12th, 2010 at 06:17 PM.
Sophie! I was so so glad to hear from you! You sound like you're in a really good place emotionally atm. I know I'm not in your position at all but still feel that I can relate, have also had intercountry adoption paperwork sent out, I had partially fooled myself into thinking even though it might take some time that it would be less of an emotional journey than ivf but I was wrong. There is still much uncertainty and it seems like there are many ups and downs through the whole process and much financially involved aswell.
Have also decided to see a new fertility specialist finally managed to get into a very well recommended one who is much closer than the other inner city one I used to go to. I responded really horribly to synarel and so he said I could take orgalutran instead. I remember you said earlier you had injections instead of synarel, could you tell me how it worked?
Hey, you still sound very fragile, the crust my take a bit more time! A fresh set of eyes help and certainly seeing somebody closer can be a benefit stress wise (unfortunately mine is further away but fortunately it is actually cheaper). .
I remember that about you and the Synarel! Fortunately I can't think of any stand out problems from Synarel. For me, the orgalutren is so much easier logistically, just one already dosed needle at night at the same time you take your puregon or gonal F. No second guessing if the spray went off and if you should give it another shot just in case and no stressing about the bottle being upright at all times. I guess my only symptoms are feeling a bit crazy but no more than other cycles as I am taking the FSH as well and that could just be me normally! Also we are doing ovidril instead of pregnyl as the trigger so much easier.. 1 pre dosed needle rather than a pharmacy in the kitchen.
For me, I have requested, and FS agrees, with extra monitoring because my hormones can be ratty which would affect my eggs and they could shoot off AND i was worried about my progesterone levels (in my last cycle about two days before the preg test all of my usual progesterone symptoms disappeared). I do blood tests every second day before trigger and I have just been given pessaries to take after retrieval morning and night and will have a total of 4 blood tests including pregnancy test post retrieval to ensure the best environment for emby.. Fortunately blood tests don't worry me.
Make sure you do what you can to keep as calm as possible with some regular walks or try some yoga or pilates and get plenty of sleep. Go to the movies to distract yourself and get stuck into some books - twilight is brilliant for distraction.
No have not stuck to a diet actually, this FS states not to worry about the diet as I don't have PCOS - I asked him the same question over and over again. If it doesn't work this time then I will definately do it. I will be strict following transfer though as it can affect implantation.
Well had EPU last Friday. 8 eggs collected, injected 6
Day 1, 3 had fertilised,
Day 2, 3 were at 2 cell stage, 3 had not divided
Day 3 (today) 3 left, 1 at 4 cell, 1 at 5 cell and 1 at 7 cell (and looking to go onto next stage) - all A grade (I understand the grading is based ono looks but has more to do with ability to handle a freeze and thaw than predicting a pregnancy (ugly embryos still produce cute/smart kids) but to have anyone grade you an A feels pretty nice)
Embryologist said they can pick up pace as evidenced by the 7 cell, so she says it could still happen to my 4 cell.
Day 4 ? who knows ? possibly a drop off but hopefully and acceleration! Have a blood test & ? ultrasound and will chat with the FS about strategy
Day 5 ? my plan (still to be discussed with the FS) is to transfer the best and also another less advanced (an underdog embryo) and leave the other medium sized one for freeze.. if there is another. I don't know the quality of my frozen emby however it would seem silly to have one of my current embys go through the process unless they too are all brilliant and the frostie is the underdog over - other issue is the frosty is a day 6 so not sure if it can be transferred a day 5, surely it will be feeling a bit groggy and won't mind a day of just hanging . The embryologist is going to have a chat with my FS on the strategy.
you know yesterday I was feeling quite sick about such a drop off (my most severe) but when it plateued and they started dividing and with this new FS, I am feeling quitely confident/positive. The embryologists have been also very reassuring too.
Let you know how I go post transfer!!
When is your FS appt? When will your cycle start??
Last edited by Sophie Baby Makes 3; October 18th, 2010 at 02:10 PM.
I am feeling absolutely miserable today. Basically I have had the worst 'harvest' result in a completed cycle. Basically at day 5 I transferred an embryo that was not even a compacting morula (in fact they said it was not quite a morula), the two others I was told today had added more cells which was a good sign for the one that was transferred but were not good enough for freezing a on day 6 as they were still not blastocyst. Fortunately, I still had my day 6 frozen blastocyst from my previous clinic to use and so transferred that. I can't believe I called that day 6er dodgy and crap, it is now my best hope.
I realise it could be worse but goddamit, I deserve by now with 8 ICSI cycle (plus two other half dones) and at least 14 transfer to get better than this.
I know I have to put this in perspective ..anything transferred is a chance despite how miniscule but that is doing my head in, I just want to sleep for two weeks and move on with creating a new batch. I also need to realise that with my other clinic they did not tell us anything about cells along the way, but we always were told we had blastocysts and usually could freeze between 1 and 3.
I also know that my diet MUST have an impact despite what my new FS told me as when I stuck with it my FS stated I had the best result he had seen.
Last edited by Sophie Baby Makes 3; October 21st, 2010 at 02:00 PM.
Sorry have been super busy lately. Oh dear, I'm not sure whether to say congratulations on making it to transfer or send hugs, you have been through so many cycles! I think you are awesome to have been through 8 icsi cycles plus!
Am really hoping this is your surprise unexpected bfp! I know what you mean about diet, I think you have to go with your gut and at least you know if it helped its worth it and if not at least it can't hurt.
I'm completely confused! I wanted to test for coeliac just in case, so was eating a tonne of wheat (bread pasta you name it) and I was on holidays so was even indulging in nice coffee and chocolate then out of the blue I got a really heavy AF! I dont normally cycle at all ever! I did have 1 or 2 periods naturally after DD2. But haven't had one until now since my ectopic in June - nothing not a thing then all of a sudden...Does this mean my body is back to front and likes wheat and caffeine and sugar? That can't be right.
So because AF came I decided to go for a quicky IUI before my sisters upcoming wedding (next month). I don't have my hopes pinned on it though if we could only get 1 out of 6 eggs to fertilise with IVF my statistics aren't looking good. But I didn't want to risk OHSS and not fitting into my bridesmaid dress or any massive disappointment around her wedding. Plus I wanted to see how I cope with treatment emotionally and test out my new FS and whether or not I'm able to make it to my appointments without too much stress. My last one was a 4 hr round trip for every 2 minute scan. Am also on gonal f this time.
I have no advice to give but I will be thinking of you over the next two weeks and pray that it flies by and you find many meaningful activities to distract yourself with until you find out your results. FX for you!!!!
Take care of yourself
Did your FS say anything about future cycles (hopefully you won't need them though)? Were you on a lower dose of puregon this time?
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. The embryologist is going to have a chat with my FS on the strategy. 
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