Having one of those 'low' days and probably just need to offload without bring anyone down. sorry if i do. I'm not even on a cycle - 3 weeks from a failed cycle. I don't know what these hormones do to me and I don't even know if it is the hormones or just me anymore.
So ok I got over the weight gain thing. Size 6 to 12 ..I'm not so sure i've accepted the 'lumpy fat' thing. Its like ok, so I'm bigger but the fat on my stomach, thighs up to my knees is lumpy!!..its like cellulite ? even on below my boobs? and their isn't much fat there....anyhow does anyone know if these drugs takes many months to get out of your system. Does anyone find they bloat up in the afternoons after a failed cycle..like I wake up, put my clothes on only to find by after lunch fluid builds up & my clothes are soooo tight & uncomfortable & my weight goes up 1kg+??
Anyway I try to be ok on the meds..especially wary of that trigger and crinone..has anyone flipped it and had a big arguement with DH when cycling? so what's my excuse when I'm not stimming. Why am I an emotional wreck, why can't I cope like the worlds ending!..now it maybe all over as he can't cope with me and asks me is this because of the ivf meds. I don't know what to say, its been 3 weeks maybe, or maybe I'm just feeling depressed with things, everythings getting to me & I feel myself wanting everything over as I can't cope. You know... wouldn't that be easier coz the big fear of not getting pregnant is harder to deal with. I ended up saying ivf is over, I'm not doing it anymore, and he says he can't deal with what I put him through..But what about what I have to go through..don't we go through MORE emotional & physical stuff ....So not sure where to go from here, just wanted to hear if other people have testing times, everyday in my mind is ivf, protocols, reading etc . Everyone sounds so strong and happy.
I find the bad thing with ivf is that I don't know how to predict my moods. On a natural cycle I know when I will have pmt and so am patient with myself and others but this ivf I can't predict any of it.
Sounds totally normal Charlotte. IVF can take a toll on so many things: bank balance, relationship with partner, with friends and family, body, emotions and head! There are meds to deal with, appointments to juggle and of course stress over whether it will work or not. (but you know all that)
And our DHs deal with it in different ways to us very often. I can totally relate to the being able to control PMT emotions and wanting to be able to control emotions when on meds. It is just so unpredictable what they do to you.
sorry, can't help much but wanted to tell you that you ARE normal. And good luck.
Hi Charlotte
everything you feel is perfectly normal m'dear. This is my take on it.
1. everyone handles the TTC and IVF journey differently, it depends on many factors including your personality, your partners' personality, how the drugs affect you, how much of an impact it has on your worklife/homelife/sociallife, if people around you know you're doing it or you choose not to tell them etc etc etc
2. a lot of people on the forums compliment their partners on how supportive they are, but noone's perfect and even my DH who I'm very lucky to have, totally p***es me off sometimes!
3. it's such an INTENSE experience that I find particularly allconsuming a lot of the time, no matter if I'm stimming or not. If I'm in a cycle, so far I've been lucky to not really be affected much by any of the drugs...but occasionally - inc. today! I've had to warn DH that I'm feeling grouchy and to just be careful with me.
If I'm not in a cycle (ie. inbetween)...I'm wishing my life away till my next cycle, getting upset by the latest 'good news' someone's told me re. someone 'expecting', watching a film/tv show, reading a book that involves preganancy and birth somewhere (even in the flipping children's animation UP! there was reference to infertility!!!!) However I know a lot of people on here suffer badly with side effects, which must make this period of our life even harder. SO YES, we go through way more than our partners, both physically, emotionally and mentally.
4. Since starting IVF I found I was more relaxed in the sense that someone else had a plan that I just had to follow. (I like plans!) However...I'm still nervous at time of EPU and ET...I think that's healthy.
I'm not sure if the above will help you feel better at all, but I'm just trying to say, you're not alone...you're perfectly normal, so is your DH and all of his feelings. I think it's hard for the partners to fully comprehend the desperation that at times we all feel to one degree or another. I hope you feel better really soon
Thanks Anney & Airline - so good to hear some comfort.
Anney - yes I gotta remind myself men handle things differently and they react differently too. Time to read some books I think!.
Airline - I appreciate your words of wisdom -intense is a very good word to describe it. I feel a pang in my heart whenever there's bubs involved - from reality to cartoons!!!..There's so much waiting and anticipation & hoping but also cautiously hoping come after EPU, growing to blasts wait, TWW involved in ivf, I had no idea. You think you're going along fine but then realise you just aint.
but thankyou your words have picked me up heaps.
so far the storm has passed and we have a counselling appointment to attend which I'm hoping will help me & DH understand those emotions.
hugs and I wish you all a good positive success too.
x
Just wanted to say if its any consulation, my body seems to be reacting exactly as you described. Mostly I feel fat AND insane! I also feel lumpy - I thought it was just me and I was in need of a trip of the gym!
Fingers crossed that this awful process results in a baby at the end of it.
i mean it is amazing that some women actually remain sane during IVF. it is so hard on your body and emotionally it is so much harder than normally TTC.
i am sending you a big hug . good luck. x o
Physicaly & emotional costs of IVF
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