If you do decide to stick by your DP just remember the more you cop his sh*t, the more he is going to dish it out to you.
You need to be stronger and stop accepting his sh*t. Dish it back out at him. If you do, then he might stopping treating you like the way he has been.
I hope i'm wrong but i can't see this relationship working out if he's treating you like this. You deserve better. Life is toooo short.
I think when we're in a relationship, especially when there are children involved, we really feel like we need to be a team. That means each supports the other and together we're stronger. Rather than one bagging the other the whole time. Sure, both sides are going to drop the ball occasionally but we need to pick that ball up again and continue the game.
From what you've said, you haven't felt supported for a long time and I think you both need to address that.
It's REALLY hard being a SAHM, being isolated and coping with relationship issues to boot. Plus, those relationship issues seem ten times worse if we're cooped up at home all day and they become the focus of our world.
I would keep things simple with your DH. Tell him you're not happy and that things can't continue as they are. Tell him, you're out of ideas for how the two of you can fix things on your own and that's why you would like to try counselling. If you just carry on the way you are, then things aren't likely to magically get better.
I was in a similar boat, very unhappy with my relationship and considering ending it. It took A LOT of cajoling to get my DP to go to counselling but it was well worth it. It's not a silver bullet, mind you, what kept us going was we both told each other repeatedly that despite all the s*** we'd been through that we were still very committed to making it work.
If you can't get anything else from him, at least get his commitment that he will try anything to make this relationship work. Just hearing those words can make a world of diference and give you the strength to keep going.
Basically, I think you need to exhaust all options before leaving.
Oh, and just to lighten the mood a little. I told our counsellor that DP only did stuff if I threw a complete and utter, crazy woman tanty. He said, "well, I think you need to throw more tanties then if they work!" Not the response I expected at all but counselling can make us look at things a whole different way.
And don't beat yourself up about The Whiskey Incident. Keep it in perspective. It was one night. You made a mistake and we ALL make plenty of those. But more importantly, tell your DH to stop throwing it in your face too. Tell him to drop it and move on.
Have you thought about getting a part time job and putting bubs into daycare for the days you work. Getting your self esteem back by doing some sort of work might help you as well. Some women need more than to just stay at home (nothing against the ones that do cause I'm one of them).
As for the emotional and mental abuse, tape him and play it back to him later and then sit down and talk to him about how it makes you feel.
If he still feels justified then get rid of him. Neither you nor your kids deserve to have that happen and the longer you put up with it the longer and worse he will get (personal experience here).
Take a firm stand and don't back down. Let him know that there are consequences to his actions.
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