Have you thought about getting a part time job and putting bubs into daycare for the days you work. Getting your self esteem back by doing some sort of work might help you as well. Some women need more than to just stay at home (nothing against the ones that do cause I'm one of them).

As for the emotional and mental abuse, tape him and play it back to him later and then sit down and talk to him about how it makes you feel.

If he still feels justified then get rid of him. Neither you nor your kids deserve to have that happen and the longer you put up with it the longer and worse he will get (personal experience here).

Take a firm stand and don't back down. Let him know that there are consequences to his actions.

Good luck