Delara I think you have some very valid points. We have shared care of my DH's three eldest children and it can be quite tricky at times to find a happy balance for everyone. Have you sat down with your DH and had a 'proper' discussion about all this? I found that the few times DH and I encountered differences of opinion re the steppies that writing him a letter pointing out how I felt was much more effective than a discussion that can tend to get emotional. I think because my DH feels guilty about not being able to see his kids everyday that he sometimes (especially in the earlier days) felt he was making up for it my being the 'fun' parent, when really kids thrive on stability and 'routine'. I think a set bedtime is really important - we notice if we even let the kids stay up half an hour later that they are irritable the next day! For now, I think the best solution is having your baby sleep in your room and DSD sleeps in the room next to you. Can your DH lie with her in her room until she falls to sleep as a kind of transition?

Good luck, this step-parenting business can be tricky!