I was a little like you. With my now XH, he had a six year old daughter when we met. He shared her with his ex, and that worked okay for a few years. We then got married, moved towns and went through a big court case because my ex wanted to get residence of his daughter. He lost. I was pg at this stage, and had a really hard pg and emergency c/s. After I had Alex, I didn't ever feel as close to XH's daughter than I did to Alex. I do believe it is different when you have your own children.

Also, the age difference is a big thing. I am 14 years older than XH's daughter. I'm more of a "sister/aunty" than a "stepmother".

Mind you, I haven't quite worked out how it's now going to work with XH & I being separated. I don't know if I'll be seeing XH's daughter at all.