Hi Candi
I left my XDH when Matthew and Joshua were 2 and 5 months. I got involved with Zachary and Christian dad around Matthew's 3rd birthday. It took us 4 years to work out that we were better friends than partners and have been ever since we split when I was pg with Christian. Matthew and Joshua have always called him by his first name and obviously Zachary and Christian call him dad. After this I thought I was destined for a single life until I met Jeff. We knew each other for about 4 years before we got involved and while the boys always call him Jeff they always refer to him as "my step-dad" when they are talking about him. Now that we have Jacob they still call him Jeff and refer to him the same but when they are talking about him to Jacob they call him daddy. Matthew and Joshua's dad isnt really in their lives much except for a phone call here and there and a visit maybe 3 time a year while Zachary and Christian's dad is a part of our lives. We have never told the boys how to refer to Jeff, they have just done it themselves and it's what they feel comfortable with. Matthew will occasionally just introduce him as his dad but we don't correct him as it's what he is comfortable with.
With the disciplining Jeff and I have always conferred if we are both there otherwise we discuss what happened and the punishment if any if front of the child/ren involved.
Most importantly to me, my boys are all brothers. There are no halfs or whatever here and everyone is treated equally.