sounds like the best thing might be for both you and DP to do the step parent course that stepfamily association runs... it's good training and gets the bio parent and the step parent to think about what kind of parent they want to be and how to make it work as a team. You'd have to come into Melb probably, but..... might be worth the discussion.

maybe as DP doesn't have any sons of his own it seems like he's different because DS is not his... but maybe he is just being that way because DS is a boy..... we can all be different with children due to the sex of the child... and maybe he is just being a 'dad' and doesn't realise what he is like - and it doesn't really matter how much you tell him it's not going to work... he's not going to get it, cause you're just a girl and he can't see it from the outside

frustrating when the DSD's are manipulative - it can be hard to unpack whether it is normal teenage stuff, or whether it is because you are a step parent..... I find that hard sometimes.... is she looking at me thinking, why should I listen to you.... (which I know she will say one day!) or is it just because she doesn't want to listen... like any kid would.
It's hard being 13 - hormones are running around, but you don't even realise you are being unreasonable and silly. You might just need to keep being calm and not taking her behaviour personally, not giving her the reaction, and if she misbehaves, calmly saying, you're sorry, but the consequence of not listening is......

I have a three step strategy......

1. "Please stop...... (talking/yelling/swearing)" OR "can you please put away the dishes"
2. "I already asked you once, please put away the dishes, if you don't have it done in the next 5 minutes there will be no television tonight"
3. "I've asked you twice to put away the dishes, and unfortunately you have chosen to skip TV tonight - that's a shame"


You HAVE to stay calm, and talk politely and in a relaxed manner and you MUST follow through....
if she starts complaining and causing a stink, you start again at step 1
1. "please stop complaining"
2. "I've already asked you to stop complaining once, if you continue, you will not be able to watch TV or have your iPod/laptop/phone tonight"

etc etc etc....
(the consequence needs to be sufficiently motivating of course!!! and you MUST MUST MUST follow through and stay CALM (as best you can!! - if you do 'crack it', no use beating yourself up - just make sure you apologise when you have calmed down, cause that is good role modelling and you want to practice what you preach - it is even more important with step kids to show them that you are not immune to emotions and you respect them enough to treat them with respect and fairly)

thats some of my strategies anyway....

what does she do that is manipulative???