hi thanks for replies. I have looked into respite..the organisation that helps mum(package) are stepping up the care by an extra day..and Com respite called back to say they can help tomorrow.
Mum would become very anxious with respite..although I need to get her into it soon as I am going to breakdown..

Good news - older brother called a few hours ago to tell me he had organised another plan and they are coming to Sydney to be at older brothers place for afternoon tea - it isn't as far away, about 1/2 hour and I can take mum there and we can all hang out together.
It used so much of my energy and time....but at least the outcome is better.
thanks so much...
just exhausted mentally and physically