Did I not word this correctly?

[Cherished]

I think part of the problem is the many ways we now receive invites, and the fact that we seem to get invites left right and centre. People seem to have different "standards" for rsvping depending on the nature of the invite.

Eg:
Posted/written invite: I would definitely RSVP and make sure I did it on time or early
Facebook invite: Probably not unless I wanted to go. I get invites to things for people who I barely know or have anything to do with - I wish they would filter their invite lists.
Text invite: I would not deliberately NOT rsvp, but I wouldn't stress too much if I forgot, especially if it was a group text.
Email invite: as per text

These aren't my hard and fast rules, but just trying to show how I approach different invites. Some may consider not rsvping to a FB invite rude, but I think it's rude to send them in the first place if it's the kind of event where you really need rsvps. Does that make sense?

Really? A good friend sent out email invites for her babies 1st birthday party asking for RSVP's. Should I have not RSVP's because she didn't have time to do up a nice printed invite like what I did? Clearly there is some difference between a bulk random invite everyone you know party invitation on facebook and a 1st birthday party or an invite from a friend to anything they are putting on? Another example is a friend is putting on a pre christmas bbq. Yeah bbq's are informal and so may have been the text message but they are still supplying food and they need to know how many people they are cooking for! They are my FRIENDS and I don't want them catering for half the people they invited 'just in case they show up' because they were too rude to rsvp.

[sahbear]

No matter how it's worded/sent etc I always RSVP!

OP, I would have expected a yes or no text in response, and I would have been upset that the majority of people, couldn't be bothered, didn't have time, we're too busy or forgot to respond.


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[LuluHB]

I would have rsvp'd too, whether I was coming or not. Its just good manners.

Its not that long ago that people wrote notes of thanks after having dinner at a friend's house or something similar. I think its really sad that common decency and consideration seem to be considered too hard these days. It also really annoys me how many people say they are just too busy. Seriously, that's just nonsense. We've all got things to do but that doesn't excuse us from doing the right thing. If you're too busy to take 10 seconds to send a text, then you should really reassess your life.

[MummyNaomi]

If you're too busy to take 10 seconds to send a text, then you should really reassess your life.

I'm quite happy with the way I life my life, so feel no need to reassess it, however forgetting to respond to a sms invite doesn't mean my life is so worthless that I need to reassess it. On the flip side I send thank you's after my Engagement Party, Wedding, Baby Shower, and DS's first birthday, I'm a pretty decent (but unperfect) person living a busy life.

The courtesy goes both ways - don't harshly judge a person because they forgot/were too busy/ to respond to an sms, because on a crazy day they want to take 10 seconds to sit on their bum and catch their breath rather than thinking about person X's tupperware party. You never know whats going on in a persons life that makes them too preoccupied to reply.

[LuluHB]

If you're happy that you're too busy to repond to a text then I guess that just reinforces my point. We all live our lives the way we want to. I don't live my life not giving friends the respect they deserve. Maybe your friends don't think it rude for you not to rsvp. Mine do.

We all have crazy days and sure, something might slip through but I wouldn't just think well hey, that happens. I would be calling and apologising for my rudeness in not responding in time.

[Maruschke]

I don't live my life not giving friends the respect they deserve. Maybe your friends don't think it rude for you not to rsvp. Mine do.

I seem to have an unspoken agreement with my friends that silence should not be taken in an offensive way. That works fine for us. No one feels a loss of respect.

[Kazzo]

No matter how it's worded/sent etc I always RSVP!

OP, I would have expected a yes or no text in response, and I would have been upset that the majority of people, couldn't be bothered, didn't have time, we're too busy or forgot to respond.


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Yep and I also agree with Peanutter.

[Cranky Kitten]

I find FB invites I tend to only respond if it warrants one, such as if there is catering involved and it's not just another one of those "whole of friends list" invites. If you've clearly sent me an invite to something that you've invited your entire friends list including interstate/overseas friends to, I hardly think you're expecting everyone to rsvp.

Text messages and emails I will respond to depending on the type of invite - quite often I get ones that are more "we're doing this at this place at this time, come join us if you want" more than an actual party invite, those I don't feel obliged to respond to unless I'm accepting. A party invite in advance (no matter what it's for) deserves a response.

[OceanPrincess]

I hear what you are all saying. I'm another one who tries valiantly to respond to invites of all types, as I agree that its a bit of treating them how I want to be treated, but I know things fall through the cracks.

I guess the reason I have taken the lack of response to heart is that I haven't seen some of these gals in weeks. Three of them, in particular, are what I would call three of my closest girlfriends, but between kids, working part time and working full time (we are all in various stages of life), we just can't seem to get it together to catch up. And I am dying to, so that I can tell them I'm pregnant.

So I guess it is a bit like a surprise wedding or something - I don't want to say "HEY you guys should really make an effort to come because I have something important to tell you and at this rate I'm telling you over the phone..." so to them its just a Tupperware party.

And I'm sure some of them feel like I think it was Maruschke - "Oh dear, OP's having another tupperware party, I so can't be bothered, lucky I'm in Sydney and I have a great excuse" - but I wish they'd see it as a chance to catch up, not just look at tupperware. My sister isn't even doing a demo, she's just going to have the catalogues there.

Oh well. I guess they'll find out over the phone. Which is another "Life etiquette" thread all together

[Cass72]

Being "too busy" is no excuse for rudeness. A simple text does not take much time!

[peanutter]

I hope that you get a lovely surprise, and they all come.

The champagne may just have to be stretched a little

They will be thrilled to get your news

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I have another text point.

It costs me money to send a text. If you text me on the 2nd of the month, my credit may have run out. My credit card ticks over on the 7th. I therefore put credit on around the 8th of the month. I try to respond to what I have to after that point, but occasionally forget.

Usually invites I can click accept/decline on facebook or text back for more details (if needed). I usually RSVP. Sometimes life does happen though, including my tightness with topping up my phone strictly every two months, and if I don't know you well enough to see you or have your home phone number to call then it may get forgotten. I have ignored a recent invite for a meal out - I didn't know the person sending it (the daughter of an acquaintance) so didn't even read it. Or them. There were multiple messages. I have strict junk filters and am very angry about my e-mail address being given out. I read it too late to respond (a half-hour after the meal started) and would probably reply with "Do not use this e-mail address, I have not given it to you, and certainly learn how to use the BCC box when e-mailing a bunch of people who don't know each other." Then forget about RSVPing while I ranted.

[surprised]

Really? A good friend sent out email invites for her babies 1st birthday party asking for RSVP's. Should I have not RSVP's because she didn't have time to do up a nice printed invite like what I did? Clearly there is some difference between a bulk random invite everyone you know party invitation on facebook and a 1st birthday party or an invite from a friend to anything they are putting on? Another example is a friend is putting on a pre christmas bbq. Yeah bbq's are informal and so may have been the text message but they are still supplying food and they need to know how many people they are cooking for! They are my FRIENDS and I don't want them catering for half the people they invited 'just in case they show up' because they were too rude to rsvp.

Sorry I seem to have upset you so much hun - just my opinion. I just think the invite needs to match the occasion. And there isn't always a clear difference as the privacy settings for events can make it unclear who has been invited. I'm not saying I deliberately don't respond; I just figure if someone has gone to the effort of posting something to me then that deserves more effort and attention from me.

ETA: And yes FB - while in the scheme of life a 30c text message isn't a huge deal, I agree that putting someone in a position when they have to pay to give you what you want (an rsvp in this case) is a bit rich. I guess so many people are on postpaid with heaps of included texts they don't even think about it. Although I guess in the olden days you still had to pay for the phone call/mail/telegram. Bring back the homing pigeons and smoke signals! LOL

[Tegam]

I probably would only have replied if I could come. Also so many people are over the whole party plan thing. I think 7 coming out of 18 is great but the RSVP rate isn't great

[helle]

I had a Bright Bugs toy party thinger a while ago. I invited 21 people (all my friends with kiddies, basically). 11 RSVP'd as coming and 5 actually turned up.

I felt like the worlds biggest loser TBH ><;

[Cranky Kitten]

Ugh, that's even worse than not rsvp-ing in the first place! If you say you're going to go, you go - or if something comes up last minute, you let the host know with an apology.