Do you find this rude?

[Hummingbird]

I think it's rude. If you can't be bothered to host a party then don't, just have a small get together with family and close friends so that you can ask them to bring a plate and not feel tight.
Also - do you have to buy all 3 kids the same thing? What if you're child is really close to one and not the others? I think maybe the 3 kids won't feel so special too as it's not just about them iykwim...

[Just Me]

I don't know if rude is the word that I would use for it but definitely cheap and annoying. I would be pinged about having to buy presents for 3 girls (especially if they are not all good friends with your DD - combined parties tend to create those sorts of problems) and also having to cater the thing as well.

I think LS makes a good point though - at least you don't have to trip all over the place to three seperate kids parties over a weekend.

But my argument would be that if it is not hard to organise a plate of food for a kids party, why don't the parents do it themselves . . . after all, there are 3 of them to work it out between

I think you should send your DD if she wants to go. It can be hard on a kid not to go to a big social event that all their friends are going to. It's a tough one.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Just a thought - at joint parties I attended as a child, I was only given a present to give to my friend, not all the children.

For DS, I will send him with food - he has allergies so it's safer. Maybe there are many alllergy children in the class? Having said that, it's not hard to grab some nut-free stuff from the shops. If you can get dairy-free chocolate then you can get anything allergy free! And I ask Nursery if any child has an allergy when it's DS's birthday and I make a cake to ensure everyone can eat it.

I do think it's so cheap to hire a hall and if you're expected to take gifts then bringing food too is a bit muh to ask. It makes you appear cheap and yes, rude. It is rude to expect and demand people do more than they may be able to. Gift OR food, not both. That should be normal etiquette for most people (we do need that etiquette section!) so I'd go with bringing the required food but not a gift, as it wasn't explicitly stated.

[briggsy's girl]

I"m going with the minority here? I have to say I don't think I'd find it that much of an effort to grab a box of cheezels or a plate of fairy bread to send along. The presents would be bought anyway regardless of whether she was attending one party or three separate parties, so it really it saves you from making 3 plates of food if they had been separate parties then ? Maybe a little overreaction I would say. That's just my opinion though?

the question becomes "WHY are you having to provide food at all?" - i've never been to a childrens party (or any birthday party for that matter) where a plate was requested where there hasn't been a comment about not bringing presents. i don't care if it costs you $2 for a packet of chips, that makes it 66c per parent to throw their kid a party - and it's downright rude to expect other people to fund your childs party for you. if you can't afford to pay for your own child to have a party (and really, you could get away with it for a single child for about $50 so between three families, you're looking maybe $20) - DON'T HAVE A DAMN PARTY!!

I don't know if rude is the word that I would use for it but definitely cheap and annoying. I would be pinged about having to buy presents for 3 girls (especially if they are not all good friends with your DD - combined parties tend to create those sorts of problems) and also having to cater the thing as well.

i agree - having a combined party cos X Y and Z are best friends doesn't mean all the people invited are in their group of friends and it leaves you having to buy for children your own child may not be interested in sharing a party with (or probably wouldn't have been invited to the party of that child anyway) - you're essentially forced to spend similar on each of the three kids so as to stop any kinds of problems, where your DD may only be friends with X and would have liked to have bought them something more and nothing for the other two...

leave it up to your DD to choose if she goes, but if she does, set a spend limit on what you'll pay and stick to it. and if you don't want to take food, don't! if the parents haven't catered, that's THEIR issue!

[Jahzara]

I personally would never throw a party for my boys and ask people to provide the food - especially school friends.

I dont agree with it and i think it is wrong to ask. I cant believe it !

If you are sending along a present for each child then that is enough expense and time spent.

If they want you to provide a plate so your child can eat they might aswell have a gold coin donation as an entry fee !

Let your DD go, cause if she misses out then its hard when they are back at school and everyone is talking about the party and she has missed out on all the fun.
I have school aged children and i know what its like to constantly be forking out for birthday parties and other school bits and pieces. Sometimes it is never ending !
Good luck - i would be annoyed if i got the invite too.

[Rouge]

Its all about the principle as far as I'm concerned.

Its not a BBQ gathering at a friends place. Its a combined birthday for 3 separate children (and IMO you should have been invited by only one of the girls thus only brining one present, a friend of mine who has twins does this and she gets annoyed if everyone brings them both presents) and they are to bring food to share? Sorry but thats not good etiquette at all. I'd do it, but I'd also think they are extremely cheeky.

I'm all for generosity and the like...

Which leads me to part 2 here.

Is there a reason the birthdays are combined? Has something happened in one of their families you might not know about? A death, loss of income etc Are the mother banding together to help another? Coz that to me seems like that would be the only reason one would do this so that a child doesn't miss out on a super birthday, and maybe the other parents couldn't afford to do a joint birthday for this one child? I know I am totally making assumptions, but it could be charity.

[~Serenity~]

I think it's the principle of the matter, since it's so easy they should do the food. You should not expect food and presents I would like to know WTF they are actually doing?
I have never been asked to bring food they are being very stingy!

Very rude

I would just say she had a tummy bug and couldn't make it or something

[visitor1]

Maybe they are saving their money to have a big party for them self and not providing the fun stuff for the kids?? LOL

Very rude indeed...id not be buying a gift and taking food.

[Tinks]

The mothers are all friends apparently. DD is friends with all 3 of them. I have no issue buying them all a present whatsoever.

I am copying what the invite says below:

Dear DD

You are invited to celebrate the 10th birthdays of Girls 1, 2 & 3

On ______

At 'the hall'

From 1pm-4pm
which includes afternoon tea
Please bring a plate of food to share

RSVP....Yada yada yada

So on the invite they say afternoon tea is PROVIDED yet you must bring a plate. That's what is annoying me i think.

[Mak]

May just be plain rude or as Cai has said maybe there is something else going on....

Would be hard for DD to miss out - if they are just being cheap/rude then at least you are not sinking to that level yourself!

Good luck

[sassy123]

i dont think it is rude i think it is cheap of them.
Like others have said it doesnt cost much for a packet of chips and a few party things like fairy bread and cup cakes.
We r having a huge party for DD's birthday and we r supplying everything but alcohol.
i would not think to ask people to bring a plate and when you do ask you always end up with 5 of one thing that no one really eats anyways lol.

I say take presents and no food. if you get a complaint just blame it on hubby for forgetting lol

[*LovemyKids*]

I kind of agree with both sides. Yes it does not cost much to buy a packet of chip not really a hassle.
BUT if you are having a kids party you are supposed to supply afternoon tea. I would only be buying them something very small for each child say $5 for each child and then a packet of chips for afternoon tea.

i don't understand why are they spending the money of hiring a hall but can't supply afternoon tea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nikki

[Hollybolly]

Its rude...

I'm with Cai & BG - its not the moeny, its the principle of it all.

To buy a loaf of bread & put some hundreds & thousands on it will cost you a few dollars... but honestly - if you're hosting a party then you pay.

It always makes me think its a little stingy on the parents part too - excluding costs, its fiddly & time consuming to 'prepare' food... chances are they could be putting all of that in the 'too hard' basket as well - let the other parents take care of it

I don't care how I come across - I just wouldn't take any food.
DS has had a party every year - some years we've been more financial than others, but even years where we've been tight, he may have only had 1 or 2 friends over for a sleepover & some pizza etc.... I would still never ask for children to have to bring food....

As far as the presents go, I would still buy for the 3 of them, regardless of how close they are - out of respect for the invite to their party (which they should be putting on) you buy them a card/present out of respect to say thanks... I always buy a movie voucher from Hoyts for $11 and stick it in a card....

JMO

[Anila]

I do think its very cheaky and i personally would never do it.

I know halls to hire in my area cost $220 apr, so maybe all their budget was spent on the hall, they could not afford food!! lol

My dd, had a joint party to attend, she knew both girls, but only one was in her class, it was held in a park, and both mums chipped in a bought food, it was only chips and lollies, but the kids spent all their time playing on the park stuff they never really ate anything.
I did get both girls gifts, and only spent $20 in total.

[Life is Good]

I find that very rude because basically those mothers are putting you in a compromising position: if you don't oblige and buy 3 presents and supply a plate of food then you are denying your daughter a good time with her friends - rather unfair in my opinion. I guess we just don't know the circumstances (financial or otherwise), but it is just a pity that if you boycott it because it is rude, the kids are the ones that lose in the end, not the mothers

[LimeSlice]

Just want to throw this out there...

These women are providing a place for the party, plates, cups, napkins, cutlery, drinks, party bags/favours...decorations....cakes....party games (prizes for pass the parcel, whatever), music...
They are undoubtedly not relying on parents to bring ALL the food for all the children, so will be providing some food themselves, lollies, chips etc...
They are supervising all those children.

No all of things are a given at any child's birthday party, but I honestly dont see the issue with asking parents to bring a plate of fairy bread as well?
Surely we are not begrudging parents the opportunity to put on a birthday party because they need others to bring some food out of necessity?
I really think the presents are irrelevant - there is never a question of giving the children presents or not. It is a birthday party, you bring a gift. $10 is hardly breaking the bank if you only buy 1 present for the child your DD is friends with. If she s friends with all 3 and would have gone to 3 parties, then you take 3 presents.
The food OR presents thing is really silly quite frankly.

When I was a child it was the norm to ask people to bring a plate. Not hard, nor expensive - it isnt about bringing something that will feed everyone, just about contributing to the event, which I think is more than reasonable.
It is certainly not bad manners to ask someone to bring a plate, how ridiculous.
The notion that "these women are getting off with a cheap day" to me is much ruder than asking parents to bring a plate or fairy bread. It isnt cheap to throw a kids Birthday party in the first place.
Would you think it was less rude if the hosts said "sorry we cant afford to feed your child while she is at the party, so there will be no food" instead?

Just my thinking.

[Rouge]

Ahhh thats the beauty of a democracy Lime, you're entitled to your opinion as is everyone else. But I'd hardly call someone else's opinion ridiculous

[LimeSlice]

lol of course Cai!
Ridiculous to me was my intended implication Nothing personal!