Expensive Wedding Gifts

[Maruschke]

I really don't want to go . I am not ready to leave DD1 with anyone for a night.

[Junglemum]

Don't go if you don't want to. I was a bit the same with my babies, if i cant take them and don't feel comfortable then i stay home. I do understand not wanting a two year old at a wedding though, so i wouldn't be upset about my child not being invited, i just would chose to stay home.

[Heaven]

I wouldn't go either then if it means you have to leave her for a night.

[Maruschke]

How do you refuse an invitation on that basis without being offensive?

[OceanPrincess]

Do you need to give a reason? Have they provided an RSVP card?

If they have, just tick the box that says "respectfully decline" or whatever and send it back.

If they haven't, go get one of those little cards from the newsagent that says "Wedding Reply" or something on the front and write a little message that says:
Dear X and Y,

Thank you for your kind invitiation to your upcoming wedding. Unfortunately we will be unable to attend.

We hope you enjoy your special day.

Kind regards
Maruschke and DH

Or similar! I don't think you need to give a reason.

I can't believe they didn't get you a gift. And expect one from you. The more I think about it, the more I think don't get them anything.

[xXHopeXx]

I would really be tempted to give no reason! Just say no really, do they have RSVP cards? That may make it easier.
Just "I'm really sorry, but we aren't able to make your wedding, i hope the weather treats you well, and your lovely day is all you envisaged.
I look forward to seeing photos you as a beautiful bride alongside your new husband

Love

Xxx"

Something along those lines where you make a whole paragraph, then people wont even realize why you said no. If they prod further, then think about reasons lol.


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[MamaPan]

I am with JM on this one - you dont have to go, I would decline if you arent comfortable to leave DD. But I dont think it is bad that a 2 yo isnt invited.
When DS1 was little I was a bit upset when he wasnt invited to a wedding... then I thought about how much he would enjoy/make it hard for others and how appropriate it was to have him there..
Imust admit now I enjoy getting dressed up for a wedding or similar and leaving the boys with my mum and having a kid free glamourous night...

If there is a RSVP card then I would just decline in that. If not a nice message to them to decline - I dont think you need to make them feel bad for not inviting her.

[Lenny]

Just another opinion.
When i sent invites to our wedding i forgot that my one of my DH's best mates & wife would have had a baby by then. We didn't put '+baby' on the invite. So they took their MIL with them. She sat in the car with baby and the mum nipped out to feed her. I nearly cried when i found out. It was SO not my intention to put them out like that. I was in wedding mode and never gave it a thought. I wish they had said something, but they didn't want to upset the applecart on our big day. With a bit of communication, we could all have been SO much happier.

[Miss.September]

Don't feel like you will be offending them if you don't go because of DD1.

We had no kids at our wedding - for us, the reception wanted to charge adult prices for kids over the age of 2 and we simply couldn't stretch to accommodate the 20 odd kids that would mean inviting. We said no to kids, but the people who that effected either didn't come, or came to the ceremony and not the reception. I was not offended at all when people didn't come because they didn't want to leave their kids (and ours was a luncheon too, so no overnight needed).

As far as the registry goes, it's tricky. I'd find out if what you want to get them is appropriate, or see if they have listed something similar on their registry. We had a travel agent registry, and again, people didn't have to contribute if they didn't want to. DH's family got all funny about it (even sending us a nasty "anon" letter yelling at us about it) and kept bringing up the desire of me having a decent dinner set. I told three of them that I didn't want one, I had three and I didn't have the room to house a big one. They ignored me and bought me a massive dinner set, had everything right down to a matching gravy boat. I couldn't use normal cutlery on it, had to use pure stainless steel (which I didn't own). I was so angry, to be sitting there infront of them all, unwrapping piece by piece, after telling them it was something I didn't want. We never used it, and gave it away to someone who lost everything in the Vic bushfires.

[Maruschke]

It's definitely not a mistake. They confirmed it is a child free wedding. The thing is - all our babysitters will be at the wedding. I might volunteer to be the family member that stays at home to look after all the kids .

[Marley&Me]

Wow, $200 is way over the top. I would just go with what you've got. Really, to have nothing under $200 I think is pretty rude.

I agree, just because they have lots of money doesn't mean that everyone has lots of money! 20% of our guests didn't get us anything. I must say I was a little disappointed (a card would have been nice)
And also, I didn't request that no toddlers were allowed, but I did mention to most people that it was preferred if they didn't come. Mainly because I didn't want tantrums in the middle of the ceremony. Wedding invites are sent out months in advance, I don't see the problem in organising somebody to mind a child for the night. Lucky we didn't have many friends/family with toddlers and the ones that did were happy to comply. That being said, if a guest had called me and said they couldn't find any other arrangement I would have been fine with having them there.

I would probably go the group purchase from the registry. That way if your worried you will look tight, you won't be the only one

[Lenny]

Have you explained your position? You can't come because of lack of child minding options. It needs a direct ask-answer. Unless you don't really care about going, in which case feel free not to.

[Maruschke]

Hmm my sister is allowed to bring her child, but not us. Am I being an emotional hormonal bat, or is this just a bit off?

[Just Me]

Family weddings are so tricky when they say no kids. I would have the same problem as you because all my child minders are family. One of my friends had a child free wedding and she provided free child minding for all her nieces, nephews and children of out of town guests.

I know there are babysitting agencies that charge so much per hour for care - are there other people that you could put in with maybe to get your kids all minded as a group? It might be cheaper. But I understand entirely if you are not ready to leave your DD yet and in that case, just decline the invite. It would solve the issue of child minding and the present.

[Heaven]

OMG even more rude!
Now I'd just tell them you don't want to go

[Just Me]

Hmm my sister is allowed to bring her child, but not us. Am I being an emotional hormonal bat, or is this just a bit off?

Nope I reckon that is a bit off. I would be really annoyed if it was me.

[MamaPan]

how old is your sisters child?
if a similar age that is a little weird... has she spoken to them about it and thats why her child is invited? is it an oversight from them? do they have a closer relationship with your sis/her child?

[Lenny]

Again i would say you need a direct ask/answer from them.
Life is too short to hold grudges and a family wedding is such an awesome way to get together and celebrate a happy milestone in life. All to often families are coming together to commemorate sadness.