Helping others - is it not "the norm" any more??

[Astrid]

Really is one of those depends things. We find people more helpful down here, compared to Melbourne. Could be a regional thing, or just the people we were hanging out with in Melbourne.

I know for us, we don't tend to ask for help that often, but we are getting better at it. We probably don't help out as much at the moment, but that is more due to the stage of life where we are at. I can see though in the future at the children get older and we are more established, that we will be in a position to help others out in return. We are the type of people though that will always pay for a removalist, we just prefer it that way

[peanutter]

We are the type of people though that will always pay for a removalist, we just prefer it that way

But they won't pack up and move your house in exchange for fish'n'chips and beer ... how does that work??

[Cranky Kitten]

But they won't pack up and move your house in exchange for fish'n'chips and beer ... how does that work??

They pack up and move your house in exchange for money. Sometimes quite a lot of money, but that is most likely the route we'll take next time as we've reached the critical mass of stuff to be moved that fish, chips and beer doesn't quite cover

[peanutter]

They pack up and move your house in exchange for money. Sometimes quite a lot of money, but that is most likely the route we'll take next time as we've reached the critical mass of stuff to be moved that fish, chips and beer doesn't quite cover

ahh, that just means more invitations are required

we had about 30 people help us with our last move - a lot of people did just the one one car trip (they got no beer ... just hugs and kisses!) and about 10 did the main work with us.

all up, it cost us abouit $30 in fish and chips, and a slab.

and a tube of aryldite, to fix the one thing which got broken (though the aryldite solved that )

but some of our friends much prefer the removalists - especially the ones that do the packing for you!!

[Cranky Kitten]

Our last move took place over a weekend - my DH has a truck licence so we generally hire the biggest truck we can get. We moved one of our friends on the Saturday, then ourselves on the Sunday. Unfortunately though, DH was suffering chronic pnuemonia at the time and could do little more than drive the truck - he was hospitalised the day after. It was a full day's hard work with myself and 4 of our friends just for the furniture, books and dvds.

I couldn't ask our friends to do that for us again - we were all traumatised after the last one

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

We offer help and accept it - I have some lovely friends. We're also having friends move us: we can't afford removers. We can afford a pub meal out for everyone, however. And have marked our most precious things as fragile for me to take in the car rather than the lads to take in the luton. Last move was a full day to move half an hour up the road, done in 4 van journies. This time we're getting two larger vans and not having to clean the house when we move out (we were renting before). The place is going to be left clean, but not completely sparkling, IYSWIM. So that frees me up a lot more - and the house we're moving to hasn't been left vacant for several months with rotting (insect) bodies under the kitchen and mould growing, so shouldn't be as manky. Not sparkling, but not horrid either.

When I help out I don't expect to be paid either, except maybe with help in return. I wouldn't offer to help if it seriously inconvenienced me: usually looking after a child DS's age or thereabouts gives me a sit down, so I don't want anything else!

[briggsy's girl]

that's another thing we do - if we can't physically help (my dodgy wrist means heavy lifting can, at times, be totally out of the question), i'll offer to have kidlets over here. it's no big deal for me, but it can be a huge help for my friends.

the friend we moved is a single mum - her mum helps her out, but her brother (who lives local) seems to be a bit like mine. we work the same days at work, although she is working full time in a senior role at the moment, so has to organise care for Thursdays for her (almost) 3 year old. i've just said if her mum can't have him, drop him here. we're home anyway, so i'm not having to make big arrangements around him. it's not an inconvenience for us at all. but i know she won't because she feels like it's a huge deal - probably because of the song and dance members of her family make if they're asked to help at all kwim?

i'm glad there are some helpful people on BB

and I'm glad Astrid mentioned that different friendship "groups" seem to have a different ethos towards helping - was beginning to think i was the only one that noticed it!

[Astrid]

But they won't pack up and move your house in exchange for fish'n'chips and beer ... how does that work??

I could do a very long post as to why we prefer to pay than use friends. Basically it ends up quicker and cheaper (well depending on the distance), plus there are no issues with damaged stuff. Overall though, we value the friends we have to not want to put them through moving us. The last one took 2 guys and a truck over 9 hours, that was just loading, driving and unloading. That was after weeks of packing. Don't think any friendship would survive that one.

[ElleJay]

We help people when we can. If we're asked with plenty of time, then we'll definitely make the time. But, it seems no-one ever asks us to help anymore since having DS (except when it comes to family - which I'd drop things for in a heartbeat)

[LoveKnowsNoBounds]

Some people are brought up to not think of others outside their little family, it really depends on the culture of the family you grew up in or your influences. My DH was so shocked when he met my family. We help each other out alot where his tend to be quite selfish with each other. I have done volunteering and this really confused my inlaws, why would I bother to help especially homeless people who they thought were dangerous. I used to help my inlaws out alot then when they took it for granted and abused the friendship I've stopped. It's something new for me. Though without going into a big story, I saw things I really didn't like when someone in their own family needed help. My DH has become alot more helpful by watching me, so it is contagious!

Also, one of my friends pointed out that many people who help have a St Johns cross on their palm. Have a look! I have a massive one which explains why I love helping people so much! Alot of teachers, nurses etc have them.

[briggsy's girl]

Oh! The last time I phoned the FAO (or whatever they're called now) it was just to change my address but I ended up talking to the lady for over half an hour! We just got along really well and had a great chat! I LOVE that kind of thing but it's so rare these days.

tehehehe some of us are a bit more friendly than others! lol

and we're still FAO - just "Department of Human Services, Family Assistance/Centrelink/Medicare/Child Support"

Also, one of my friends pointed out that many people who help have a St Johns cross on their palm. Have a look! I have a massive one which explains why I love helping people so much! Alot of teachers, nurses etc have them.

No cross here - but i'm helpful, i promise!

[Snacks]

LOL, I thought FAO was different to CL. There you go She was tops - really good for a laugh. Sounded younger than me but turned out was at least 15 years older. I kept saying, "NO! No way!" etc etc. She seriously spoke like a 20yo.

[briggsy's girl]

LOL, I thought FAO was different to CL. There you go She was tops - really good for a laugh. Sounded younger than me but turned out was at least 15 years older. I kept saying, "NO! No way!" etc etc. She seriously spoke like a 20yo.

technically i was employed by FAO, but have cross trained with the other c'link payment streams. FAO (which is basically just the FTB side of things) is under family assistance law - everything else comes under Social Security law - we are trained in both. no one wants to ring one number for ftb and another for parenting payment. given parenting is under social security law, it allows us to cross train in other payments.

[LoveKnowsNoBounds]

Re moving, it doesn't always pay off when you get help. My poor brother had a friend of my uncle drive the truck went straight under a bridge and took the top of the truck off My uncle ticked basic not full insurance so my poor bro and his wfe forked out over $3500 to the insurer. Would've been better for them to get a removalist. Plus some of their stuff got damaged in the move because of the accident. My parents and I helped chip in some money but my uncle and his friend had nothing to do with it all after the move.

[briggsy's girl]

yeah the only damage done to our stuff was when DH's friend was helping - but it was minimal damage, and if others (like family) had stepped up and helped, we wouldn't have had to put up with his half assed pretend help. he is an arrogant shyte and nothing i say is right (cos i have a vagina, not a penis!). doing it without him was much better - but i did appreciate what help he gave (does that make sense - i'm not saying i didn't want his help - just that he gave me the irrits at the time by not listening!)