How do you deal with 'difficult' mothers in law?

[Jennifer13]

Boundaries. Both DP and I are on the same page about his mother and decide how we are going to treat her or what we will do. It was more me putting my foot down years ago, but DP agreed with me.

She still doesn't really respect the boundaries fully, but that doesn't matter. We do and we just wait for her to stop chucking her tantrum or holding her breath. It limits the stress a lot.

[Tinks]

I smile and nod while I imagine how I'd like to kill her.

My kids have started noticing how my MIL treats me (I've never said anything bad to them or in front of them about her) and they have no issues telling her how mean she's being. It makes me so happy knowing that they see through her when everyone else in the family doesn't.

[nickle730]

I avoid seeing the mole at all costs. She seems to avoid me too! It's been 18 years, I tried really hard for 10. Now I refuse to accept her crap and she knows it. Manipulating, conniving, lying, egotistical mole. I dread any time I have to spend with her, I know it will be spent listening to her talk about how good she is. I don't even hear about how crap I am any more - apparently I don't exist. I manage to only see her about twice a year now - far too often.

[MummyNaomi]

I smile and nod while I imagine how I'd like to kill her.

Yep, this! I love that your kids call her up on it!

It's easier to keep the peace, and my DH is a wuss so he would never stand up to her, I just put her in her place when necessary but do it diplomatically (well as much as possible)

I would move hundreds of kms away, but then we'd be stuck with them for weeks when they come to visit, I find it easier to keep them at arms length when they are only 10 mins away. Fortunately we only really see them every 2-3 weeks. Since we've had kids they do my head in. Socialising with them is just plain boring. Currently I am breastfeeding which they seem very uncomfortable around, as DD is constantly on the boob, they leave her and I alone which is great. I have no respect for their parenting or grandparenting skills. My DH has a terrible diet (legacy of his mother) and massive self esteem issues, but is quite spoilt. It appears that showing affection was in short supply when he was growing up but he was indulged as a child and adult with 'things'. They let DS play up when they are around, I am always trying to keep him in check as they are lazy parenters and just let kids do whatever they want without boundries or common sense with regard to safety, and our toyroom is trashed more after Nanna plays with DS than when he plays with another 3yo
They have looked after him once for a few hours in our home, and I pre-prepared all the food. He was a monster for a few days after, we've never let them look after him again!