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And when I'm doing invites, if I've written one name on the invite, I'll write after the RSVP part 'Partners/children welcome' if you want them to come to. But that's just me.
Ahhhh thank you thank you thank you DD - now that is a good idea! really apprechiate that! will keep that in mind for future! because obviously i would really only like her to come, but at the end of the day if her coming means bringing her kids than okay, but ultimately i feel and would rather that it should just be her, thank you for that idea
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I think it's kinda rude for people to be saying she's upset because she didn't get the answer she wanted - from what I can see, having read every single reply in this thread, is that right from the start people were saying she was rude. Even once she clarified the situation, people CONTINUED saying she was rude, either not reading her follow up posts or ignoring them.
Can we all take a deep breath now?
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BJ- I'm sorry you feel ganged up on, I don't think that was anyone's intention but I have to say your responses are sounding a little defensive and almost aggressive. I haven't seen any posts calling you a bad person but several of yours have insinuated that anyone who would assume is rude so I can see why people might be getting their backs up about that.
My opinion I'm afraid is that for a 1st b'day I would assume we were all invited. For weddings or older parties where the child is a friend of ONE of my children I would ask but I would assume that a 1st b'day was a family affair. I don't think your friend is being rude, I think it was a misunderstanding.
For the record, I don't think you are a bad person for thinking otherwise. I think we have all had different experiences which lead us to assume different things. The world would be a very boring place if we all agreed on everything! I understand that you have a different point of view to me and that's cool but I would hope that you would feel the same and not think I'm rude if my experiences cause me to assume something differently to you.
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Beatrix - I was gonna add that weddings are different, but DS decided that climbing out of his playpen and almost falling out head first was a smart choice so I left it to where I did
Hj - no worries Hun, glad to help
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no i didn't expect, that would be like assuming and i never assume
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Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath taken
Thank you Keike
im all open to people having different opinions, hence why i asked in the first place
Registered User
No one is digging or think you are mean person. The opinions of what each person would do in this situation are all different. That's ok, it's how the world goes round. Its not something worth getting worked up over.
Fwiw, I haven't seen a rude comment in the whole thread bar your own. Remember, any post can seem like a nasty one if you're in that frame of mind.
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I'm so surprised at the amount of people who assume their families/kids are invited to an event if their names are not on the invite. Wouldn't the host write their names on the invite if they wanted them to come? I know I would. I got an invite recently and it was just hubby and I on the invite, no DD. I asked if DD could come and they said children weren't invited but they made an exception.
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Woahhhh. I was just giving my opinion, it wasn't personal and it wasn't an attack. And it was relative as I did read the entire thread. An opinion isn't a personal attack. And just because there was an huge response, doesn't mean that it's bullying, or that posters were ignorant enough not to read the thread.
Lets all chillax and remember what it's like to reply to a post. Do you give your opinion in a thread as a personal attack, or judgement of the person you are replying to? Or is it just your thoughts? I know what I do
Hope the party goes well!
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Well now. If I were invited to a children's party, I would totally bring my child and possibly husband. Another event, most likely I'd check. But I think it's a pretty logical conclusion to come to, to bring your family to a 1st birthday
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Keike she asked what people thought - now from what I can see, everyone has said what they thought. Some of us said we would find such an invite strange, or rude. I don't believe anyone called HJ rude directly but the idea.....
I have been nothing but polite in my responses yet had some pretty direct and to be honest, uncalled for responses which leaves me really puzzled.
I think the lesson is if you're not prepared to have opinions given that you may not like, then don't ask to begin with.
Registered User
So better descriptive invites needed??
But I do think inviting some family's and not others IS rude?
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Yes Tegam and maybe a 5 page document with all the disclaimers.
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hj I think in hindsight now you know you should have let her know that it was just her invited when you gave her the invitation. Maybe given it to her in person and just said 'sorry it's just a small party but I thought you might just like to come on your own bc you shared the pregnancy with me blah blah etc etc'. Now though she's already assumed that they're invited, which it looks like is a pretty normal thing to assume. So... I think what you have to do now is just let them come if you don't want to be rude. But in the future you'll certainly know you have to make it more clear! lol.
If you really really don't want them to come and don't think you can deal with it this time then just say 'sorry, there's been a misunderstanding, etc' but be prepared that she may get offended.
Registered User
LOL Em that's what I pictured in my mind when I wrote that rofl
Any idea where we purchase these 5 page invitations I've only seen those small piddly ones
Registered User
I am another one of those people that just "assume"
It is a one yr old birthday so (hypothetically here) I wouldn't bring my older boys or even possibly DH but yes I would "assume" the invite included at least my younger kids as well. If I did go without the kids I would be quite upset to see other children there knowing that mine weren't invited, it would put my nose out quite a bit.
My DD received and birthday invite that only had her name on it and again I "assumed" I was invited given that she is only 20months. Was that wrong of me?
I guess in part it does come down to the way you were raised. I am of the all or none school and the "more the merrier". Obviously there are times and places where this isnt appropriate eg weddings but for a first birthday I dont think it was wrong of her to assume it was a family invite.
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Wow, what an awesome downward spiral this thread has taken. HJ, nobody likes to be the.minority. Nobody likes it when it seems like everyone disagrees. But after reading each and every response, I fail to see any.personal attacks or ganging up. I personally didn't think any less of you because of our differing POVs, but do think your defensiveness was a tad OTT. You asked, we answered. And typing in caps is yelling. SEE WHAT I MEAN?! Yeah.
To ask a q, and not be open to hearing the answers is a bit strange. I will say though, that perception is reality, and it's not nice to feel attacked, so for that I'm sorry. Regardless of how I see things, you can feel however you want. Just please don't yell at me for giving my opinion.
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