I got a wedding invitation today....

[nic]

Yeah, i do think they could have shown a bit more tact when requesting guests pay for their meals as opposed to a gift.
We went to a wedding about 8 years ago, where the bride and groom requested that our gift to them be in the form of contributing to our meal. It was $50 or $55 per head back then. They had details on when the money needed to be paid etc, BUT it was done with a whole load of tact that in no way did it come across as demanding.

Is there any mention of costs? You wouldn't want to find out how much you are forking out after you accept or arrive at the venue.
Did they include a menu?
We were given one for the above wedding, so we could make a decision if it was worth the money or not. 2 choices per course... helps if there are certain things you won't or can't eat. I would hate to accept and pay then find out it is all food that i wouldn't touch.

[~Kim~]

How tacky...the wording I mean not the request.

But saying that...they don't want you to intrude on their ceremony - which is possibly the most important part, but they want you to contribute to the party....

I understand that weddings are expensive, but if you can't or don't want to afford it, why don't you just have something more low key instead of the whole fanfare?

[Elocin]

How tacky...the wording I mean not the request.

But saying that...they don't want you to intrude on their ceremony - which is possibly the most important part, but they want you to contribute to the party....

I understand that weddings are expensive, but if you can't or don't want to afford it, why don't you just have something more low key instead of the whole fanfare?

I completely agree with what you have said Kim...

I found it totally bizarre that they don't want people there to celebrate the 'important' part of the day - their ceremony - but expect you to pay for your own meal at their reception. Odd...

I don't think it's strange that they have requested (read: TOLD) you pay for your own meal - that seems very normal these days, but I certainly think they could've used different wording!

At our wedding, there was no way we could afford a big sit down, 3 course meal - so it was either ask people to pay or go with the cheaper option... finger food at $15 per head... it was fantastic.

There are definitely ways around the expense of weddings but I don't think demanding your guests pay for their own meal sets a good light for the wedding day

[Glamourcide]

Okay, so I'm finding it more and more common for couples to *ask* that their guests pay for their reception dinner in lieu of gifts, but I have NEVER seen it worded so coldly, nor have I ever seen no further details (ie cost, how to go about paying etc) in the invitation.
My friend got married a couple of years ago and in the invite, there was a lovely poem about how she and her beloved had lived together for some time, had two kids and basically had all the material things they needed (ie, no gifts please) - so instead, it would be lovely if you could 'gift' them the $35pp to cover the reception dinner. They also provided details in the invitation, stating that this fee could be paid with a money order/similar upon RSVP (as it needed to be paid prior to the day, kwim?). It all made sense, it was cheap (DH and I would easily have spent at least $70 on a gift for them anyway, we considered it getting off lightly lol), easy to arrange, and the meal was simple but very nice... and best of all, it was worded tactfully and sensitively and therefore we were more than happy to follow along with it.
Just for the record, the happy couple also had a bar tab at the reception, it covered beer, house wines (there were four so plenty of choice), and a discount on spirits (ie if a rum & coke was $7, the tab covered half the price so guests only paid $4.50 per drink, kwim), so everyone was happy.

I don't disagree with the concept of paying for meals at the reception, but I do think the invite was very poorly worded and left far too much information out. And I'm a bit confused at the concept of a 'private' ceremony but having a reception... if DH and I had had more money, we would have invited all and sundry to our ceremony and then just had an intimate reception with only close friends and family... I'm not sure how it works, asking people to celebrate your wedding but not even invite them?!
Heh. But no, I don't think at all that you're strange for finding the wording rather insensitive, they could have done a much better job with it!

[Floweryfields]

While the request may be considered reasonable (still questionable), the way in which it's been worded is not very tactful or polite.

[Miss K]

We had a wedding where it was only family at the ceremony then close friends at the meal and had said on our invitations :

We have been together for a long time and we ask for no gifts or a wishing well all we ask is if you would like to celebrate with us for dinner at ----- "Dutch Treat" (Meaning pay for your own) We also sent out the menu with the invites so people knew how much they would need and if they could afford it!

The way your one is invited seems harsh but gets straight to the point we had no idea on what to say on ours

oh and btw my dad ended up paying for everyone anyways LOL

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I wouldn't be going!

Yes, for my wedding we had some people coming to the evening reception only - but they were still invited to the Church and we still had a buffet for everyone who came! Those invited to the meal came to the ceremony too. There's a difference between the evening do and the main event, but the main event is the ceremony, not just the meal really! (I had a lot of people who weren't coming to the wedding turn up outside the Church to congratulate me, which was really nice.)

I received a wedding invite which asked me to pay for the couple's honeymoon. I thought that was quite rude! Paying for your own FOOD! No. I just wouldn't. There's no menu or price list... that's really quite off. I'd rather have a cheap buffet at home than say "I want this restaurant, you pay for it, but I won't say how much - oh yes, and you're not coming to the main event either." (I dislike people asking for money at weddings anyway, but this goes a few steps worse IMO.)

This sounds really harsh and I mean no offense to those who, for whatever reason, have done this. It's nice to try and include as many people as possible in a wedding. But I'd rather have a huge ceremony than a huge party that was pay your own. The marriage is a public declaration of starting a new family, making public vows - why shut off those you love from that?

[CinderToriella]

I think its ok to ask for ppl to pay for there own meals but it depends on the situation where its at and how its done

EG i would ask ppl if they could pay for there food if it was at a simple cheaper place ,we may have to do this at ours as we simply can not afford to cater for everyone if we want to get married.
But i would never ask ppl to pay for food if it was a set price or an expensive place

plus i think the way she said it is not tactfull at all, very ride and i would feel the same way u feel