Not exactly the same situation, but when my dd1 was born she needed surgery at 48hrs old. We were told it probably wouldn't save her do get everyone we wanted to say goodbye to the nicu, DH and I were already there, and my mum was the only one who could make it in time before they took her to theatre.....my mum,dad and sister and mil all wanted to come and wait for her to come out, but I was waaaay too overwhelmed and emotional, I only wanted DH. They were good about it and waited til she was out of recovery and back to nicu, by then it was 9pm, so they came up first thing the next morning as she was relatively stable.
I guess everyone reacts differently, and you don't know how you will until in that situation. I thoyght I'd want everyone around me, but emotionally I just couldnt handle other people being upset as it took all my energy to keep myself together
We had my parents and MIL present when DD was born. We knew she was very sick and would be transfered to RCH immediately.
I enjoyed having support from my parents, as I'm sure DH liked his mother being there (FIL came the following day). But, we had multiple people coming every day for 2 weeks.
I didn't like it at all. I wasn't up to seeing people and they wanted to see DD. So, therefore, I had to leave DD.
A baby born at 25w is a different story. I would say no. I just want to spend as much time with my little one as possible, just in case the worst happens.
DS was four weeks early and was in the SCN for a few days. I resented visitors as they took me away from him. I also got a bit angry when MIL visited and got upset, I had enough to worry about without trying to comfort our visitors. When we announced his birth via SMS to the masses we specifically said no visitors until after midday on a certain day to give him and us some time. Some people still came prior and a heap of DHs relo's turned up at 12pm on the dot of the day we said it was ok after midday. It was a bit OTT.
I have always asked new parents when they would like us to visit - and always told them if something changes to let me know as I will take no offence if its not a good time or day. Its just about respect rather than putting your own need to see the new baby first.
As MummyNaomi said sometimes visitors can create work, it's awful having to comfort someone that only has half a clue what's going on. So I guess it depends on her family and the relationship she has with them.. Visitors should be there for the Mother, not the baby if that makes sense..
With the twins I didn't have many visitors and when they died I regretted it. Not many people got to meet them, so they didn't seem 'real' to some people. With J I had lots of visitors because I was terrified he was going to die. The best visitors were ones that came, saw, told me how gorgeous he was, what a fantastic job I was doing then left a meal on the way out Ones that didn't demand ANYTHING of me.
My son was born at 25 weeks. I didn't want my family to be there 24/7 but it was extremely important to me that they meet him asap. In my case, it was the day following his birth as day 1 was spent trying to stabilise him.
You will find that NICU's will allow visitors, usually very limited numbers by the bedside and the length of time is usually dependant on how long the parent wanted them there. With my family's first visit it was 2 at a time for only a couple mins. For many of them it was a gut wrenching experience, something they were far from prepared for but they were all glad (as was I) that they were able to meet my little man when they did.
Reply With Quote
Ones that didn't demand ANYTHING of me.
Bookmarks