People were hard pressed to find me when we had dd1 in the nicu! I spent all my time there. I'd go back to my room to find presents and cards left on the bed. Even my ob couldn't get hold of me lol. So it didn't worry me too much if ppl tried to visit. I didn't feel like I was kept away from bub at all.
I had dd unexpectedly at 30 weeks. My parents both rushed to the hospital to be with DH and I - was a small local hospital that generally unless your 38 weeks and easy you don't deliver there. I loved the fact mum and dad were both there as they kept us together and made sure we ate etc until we transferred to another hospital an hour away. Each day mum would check in on me and dad would call in after work (he worked about 15 minutes fro the hospital). The NICU and SCN would always let them in. We had a few friends who came and saw us and i was grateful for the distraction at times but they understood if i was 'elsewhere'.
DH's parents and family on the other hand. I am still hurting 2 years on that DH parents left on a 3 week motorbike trip the day after DD was born and never saw here for the entire time or even bothered to make sure we were all ok - instead gave DH a list of jobs to do. They live around the corner from us. DH sister came once and that hurts as i felt i never had there support when we needed it.
I guess i am saying that i would want at least family there so i knew i had support but also DH had it. DH to this day is so thankful my parents came and helped with everything and is hurt by his family. Even when mentioned he gets told 'well we had a holiday booked'
I can speak from personal experience. I was very unwell after giving birth to the twins, and was kept in labour and delivery for 4 days so I could have one on one care. My Mil @ FIl and Sil came in to see "us" and my DH took them to the NiCU to see the babies and I was a space cadet from the meds and still felt absolutely all alone knowing they where with the twins and I was left in the room all alone, while they went to meet their grandchildren.
After that feeling of loneliness and to be honest sadness that they were all with our babies, I told DH no one was to visit the twins unless I was there, no matter how long my recovery took. Of course DH could them.
Whilst I was recovering from the birth and subsequent health issues arising, we actually had visitors arrive (some where acquaintance's) and ask could they go and see the babies in the nicu, after they where told I had only met them once !
My babies are still in special care, and I get a lot texts and calls asking if people, can visit the babies in the scn, one girl even text a friend of mine, and said "does Bengal need to be there if we want to visit the twins" :
A woman bought her family in to see her baby in the nicu, and he was coughing, I promptly closed my curtains and was grateful my babies where in their humi cribs
I don't think it's fair to my babies or any other babies in the nicu to have lots of different people in the room, it's a time for the babies to grow and get well.
Some family friends who had their firstborn at 27 weeks really wanted a lot of people around. Even if it was just to see photos of the baby, or if you were lucky enough to go in and have him "shown off" - I think it helped them feel normal and helped it feel more real for them, when they'd just had a baby they couldn't visit all the time and couldn't cuddle.
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