Opening something for your child/ren to eat whilst shopping?

[beckoes]

I think - with any issue of discipline (meaning teaching), there is context. Willful defiance is one thing, but inability to cope is another. Any kid who is very young, tired, genuinely hungry, has sensory issues or otherwise - that's not their fault, it's not within their ability to control yet. Note that I mentioned 'young' - for those of you with older children, obviously you know what they're capable of and parent accordingly.

In terms of ethics though (assuming it's not illegal and stores are ambivalent on the issue) - it seems clear that there's not an obvious moral absolute here - it's a personal decision about whether you feel it's right or wrong, and also circumstances come into play - what works for your family. No point judging because someone's child has sensory issues (and you won't be able to tell unless they have it tattooed on their forehead), or because the parent is a bit disorganised/unprepared (despite perhaps being a brilliant parent in every other area), or for whatever other reason. Obviously the people feeding their kids in supermarkets aren't doing it to be morally deficient people who bring up morally deficient children - they have their reasons, and who am I to judge the quality of those!

wheres that like ''yeah that'' man???

[Floweryfields]

As a former long term checkout chick, I have no issues with it - if the parent is honest. Unfortunately that's a big if with some people. I saw lots who used to try and hide the fact they'd eat something which is blatent stealing. And those who though chowing down on grapes, etc was not an issue either (but then that was more than just parents). Being a small store and mostly being aware of what people were up to, I used to ask them to pay for the grapes, etc they'd just eaten the whole way around the shop.

[Freya]

You dont know horrible shopping experiences until you've gone shopping with 3 kids aged between 2-5, one of whom is autistic. Im sure people just love standing there judging me. I try not to grocery shop with them because I know it will turn into a nightmare but sometimes I have to seeing as my husband is away.

I bribe them with whatever I can find - chupa chups, chocolate biscuits............
Often I even let them choose a small choc milk and they drink it while we shop, then at the end they all have to give it to the checkout girl to pay for it and say thankyou. Ive had the deli staff offer meat if they see Im struggling, they know it will quiet the kids for a few minutes atleast. Ive even had other shoppers come over and say they bought the kids a lollipop do I mind if they have it? Because obviously Im stressed, usually screaming and pleading with them and its usually clear to see Ds2 is special needs. Plenty of staff have commented on them drinking the chocolate milk "Oh arent you guys lucky you've got milkshakes, you must be being good boys!", never once have they said its not allowed.

I dont care if people think eating or drinking something before paying is wrong. I always pay, and I always make the kids tell the checkout person about it. I dont care if people think Im not teaching my kids self control either, Im barely holding onto mine by the end of a grocery shop so if a chocolate milk or chupa chup gets me across the line reasonably intact then I'll do it. But I must have gotten the horrible willful kids in the kid handouts of 06, 08 and 09

[briggsy's girl]

there is a huge difference in understanding between a young child and an older child. as a two year old, DD has much more concept of time than she did a year ago. She understands now about paying, she is, for the most part, happy to wait. a year ago, if she was tired, waiting at the checkout for five minutes was simply too much for her. we can't control how much staff are on call, but i can try and make life more pleasant for her (and all around us). if all that takes is something small, i'm going to do it. i don't believe in teaching by distressing her. it doesnt help her. all it does, for my DD, is make it harder to convince her next time round that it's not going to be a bad experience (maybe she's a bit like me - if something sucks one day, i am more reluctant to go back!).

i don't see her being upset as being a reason to discipline her - she isn't being misbehaving! She doesn't have the words to tell me what is wrong - she cries. Discipline is for naughtiness IMO. if she is upset/tired/distressed, then it's up to me, as the adult, to try and rectify that. Ignoring the reason for the distress and treating her as a naughty child for trying to express herself isn't helpful (trust me, i was raised in a house of "children seen and not heard, "punished" severely for daring to express what i was feeling ever since i was a little girl - it isn't appropriate and screws you up for life!). if she is being willfully naughty, we act appropriately, tell her what she is doing is wrong, withdraw "extras" but i wont withhold water if she is thirsty, or basic food when she is clearly hungry. ideal world, we'd go shopping between breakfast and lunch, and cause no dramas - but we can't do that with work hours, and inevitably, we go shopping when it is nearing arsenic hour - and if we are stupid enough to shop when she is due a meal/snack or sleep, then we have to work with that. it's not HER fault that WE have chosen to go shopping at that time, and i'm not going to PUNISH her for not coping with that!

[RainbowBrite]

We've been known to leave one person in the shop with the non-tantrum children and the other leave. When shopping for 7 you need two people shopping if you've got the kids - too much food for one trolley.

Oh I miss that...my ex and I used to do the shopping together, two trolleys, now it is a different story shopping for 8 with 3 toddlers and no help If I do take my 14 year old my groceries end up costing me twice as much
My middle boys aren't a lot of help and I find shopping with all 5 an exhausting and exasperating process

[ezymay]

It's not something we were allowed to do as children so it's not something I do now and like others DD doesn't really ask for anything. On the rare occasion she does I say we have to pay first. She's not had a lot of tantrums in the shops but once we were waiting to pay and she was in the pram, being a real punk, they opened up a new cashier and we were politely ferried to it first so we could get out quickly!
Cause I'm on my own most of the time I generally do big shops online and only quick trips with the kids.
Each to their own tho!!

[Erin_25]

Speaking about room in the trolley, I've yet to find a double trolley here in the city (our country woolies had some) that's with two seats for toddlers not a baby & toddler seat.

Do you know how much less you can fit in when DS1 insists on sitting in the trolley

[Bathsheba]

We are a non-opening until you pay for it family. I would worry that if i did it once then my kids would come to expect it everytime. Plus it doesn't feel right, to me it feels like stealing.

[Cass72]

Another opener here!

I've been caught on the way home from work with our LO about to set into a major meltdown because he's had a long day at childcare and is hungry or tired or both. I'll quite happily put him in the trolley, grab a jar of babyfood (and usually a spoon if I don't have one in my handbag - lost count of how many spoons I've bought!!) and feed him as we walk around the aisles. I always pay for it when I leave, but from what I understand, each time I do this I am essentially "shoplifting" as I'm using an item I haven't paid for. I wouldn't though open a bag of sweets.

Oh, I did see someone give their LO a banana. As she was peeling it she explained to her other half (in a rather exasperated tone) that she would pay for it when they went through the checkout. As the lady looked completely washed out (and I knew exactly how she felt!) I just hid my smile: um, an eaten banana is going to weigh a little less than a whole one!!

[MrsFabuloso]

I haven't read the thread, but thoguht I'd add my 2c

I give my kids something everytime we go shopping. Usually a lolly pop or milkyway. It's somethink they look forward to and it's half way through the whole experience of shopping, so it tends to be when they're getting a bit feral. Then when they get their treat, they usually calm down to eat it and it gives me time to regroup and deal with them better rather than screaming at them down the aisles!
I don't think it's stealing at all. I think if you have the intent of paying for the item, then there's no malice in it and it's all good!

[lilima]

What I find helps is the write DS and DD a shopping list (I draw a picture of the item next to the written word) They love the responsibility, as they think that they are doing the shopping. Also works as a great distraction and keeps them more occupied. But they are 2 and 5. It wouldn't work if they were any younger than 2

[MummyNaomi]

What I find helps is the write DS and DD a shopping list (I draw a picture of the item next to the written word) They love the responsibility, as they think that they are doing the shopping. Also works as a great distraction and keeps them more occupied. But they are 2 and 5. It wouldn't work if they were any younger than 2

Oh what a wonderful idea - I am stealing it!!