Reply With QuoteI'm confused, how does paying for something before it's consumed cause you pain? Apart from it sometimes being inconvenient, of course... If I could think of the things not to do simply because they were inconvenient I'd have a list a mile long.
Registered User
And for all the people who think it's rude, kiss me. I would rather save my outrage for issues that really matter.
BellyBelly Member
I'm confused, how does paying for something before it's consumed cause you pain? Apart from it sometimes being inconvenient, of course... If I could think of the things not to do simply because they were inconvenient I'd have a list a mile long.
Registered User
Ok, I have a son who runs. He gets out of the car & goes straight into the trolley. Sometimes just being stuck in the trolley will cause the tantrum/meltdown.
I have SPD. My pelvis is stuffed & pushing a trolley is hard enough. I have a baby. I can't carry the baby & DS to ensure his safety down to get a yoghurt & back to the check out. Pushing the trolley that far & back causes me pain. Doing the standard shopping is hard enough. It may sound pathetic, but that really would add so much to the pain its not funny.
I also have a DS with a possible ASD. Tantrums here can last hours. Out in public is not so fun. I like to get in & out as quick as possible. Detouring that way would take my sad self an extra 15 or more minutes. Paying for something I hope he wants doesn't necessarily mean there'll be no meltdown over something else.
Just a few of the million reasons why I do try very hard to avoid taking any of my older kids to the shops. Our woollies is also stand alone.
Moderator
My partner works in senior management for a supermarket chain and I asked him about this. He could not recall a specific policy but they don't like it. Well he doesn't anyway. He says there is so much theft from eating in store it is ridiculous. Even when people have good intentions, things get missed or forgotten. Fruit cannot ever really be properly accounted for once it's eaten also there are those who deliberately just go into the store to eat without paying. It us very difficult for staff to differentiate between theft and who intends to pay. And, I guess, why should they have to try? "Shrinkage" costs food retailers millions each year, these costs are recouped through higher prices so we all end up paying in the end.
Moderator
Clover- do you plan ahead and take snacks and other diversions?
Registered User
Of all the retail stores i have worked in we cannot accuse a customer of theft until they leave the store, all we can do is ask to see their bag or under their jumper/jackets (in my job now people conseal items in their pants..) and we just say "are you going to pay for this item" but if we are outside the store we say, well generally the manager "i'm going to have to ask you to come with me" and the police are then called but in most instances depending on the person and the item we just want our stock back and that person is then banned but then its also depends on the circumstance i have served sleep deprived mums who put wine in their pram and walk out then come back redfaced saying they forgot to buy it, obviously i wont get her charged for theft. In all my jobs i have had mothers come up to me and ask if its ok, i always said yes if you promise to pay for the item. I then watch them, its amazing how most customers don't know they are being watched, if not by staff on the floor but the manager/security person upstairs looking at the footage.
My mother always did it, it was normal for me to see her grab a bottle of water but it was placed in the trolley for her to pay. I only started doing it when i was pregnant, i had a lot of dizzy spells and so id quickly grab a bottle of coke or something sugary but again id pay straight away.
To me honestly the thought of produce being consumed i dont like because how can you know that the apple/orange/banana you got to replace is the same size? but its all not my place to judge. And if the store didnt like it i am sure that the checkout operators would say so..
BellyBelly Member
Clover, I can fully empathise. I too have SPD, a ten month old (now) and an ASD DD, so I totally get it, but I to try and mitigate it by taking things with me. Sometimes we still had tantrums, but giving in only reinforces those tantrums (we actually found the "no" that set of the tantrum for an ASD kid was not actually the real trigger, just the last straw - it was the noise and visual stimulation that was the real cause, and taking ear muffs and giving her a job like finding items on the list solved that issue).
I honestly just don't get why some people think it is okay. If I was to apply that same logic to another scenario I wonder how many people would still think it was okay?
I.E
My DD needs to watch a doco for a school project (so good cause) and ten minutes before it's about to start the tv breaks - just wont turn on. Now, would it be okay for me to go to my neighbour who is currently right up the back of her yard and borrow her tv without asking? I've only got ten minutes, and she's all the way up the back of the yard and I can hear my DD stressing out because she's going to miss her show, and I'm pretty sure my neighbour would let me borrow it under the circumstances. I INTEND to ask, and I most certainly will ask if it was okay to borrow it when I return it, so if apply the same logic as that used for opening things before paying for them, taking her tv now and asking later should be okay too, right...?
Registered User
i can see that people have very strong views on this...but i have to admit that 99% of the time DD will have something when we go around. i always pack snacks, but normally by the time we are doing the food shop there isnt much left in the house to take as a snack and i will say before we leave ''il have to grab something while we go round'' sometimes a roll from the bakery out side the shops or a sushie roll, but if she doesnt want those, something fromthe supermarket gets opened.
i would not give her something that has to be weighed, only things that can be taken out of a packet and the code still scanned. squeezie yoghurt. cheese and crackers. but never the treats we get, like little chocies or cakes/biscuits. not that that changes anything, its still eating something that isnt yet yours to eat...but i still do it.
dh isnt keenon doing this, but if shes hungry...and bored...and i dont have something in my bag for her, opening something sure beats a giant melt down. maybe it is lazy or immoral....but i still do it.
i always explain to the check out person that i opened it for dd and ive NEVER had one person tellme i shouldnt do it!
Registered User
i don't do it - i take some snacks for DS in case he's hungry/needs distraction. however, i don't have a huge issue with it as long as the item is paid for before leaving the store. i'm not so keen on it being fruit though & never even taste grapes myself before buying. maybe i'm just a bit loose with my morals though
Registered User
My sister was diagnosed with diabetes when she was 18 months old, and I remember a few times that Mum would grab the honey off the shelf because B hadn't told her she was feeling low. With 3 other children under 5 to watch, Mum didn't always notice the signs beforehand. So we'd end up with another squirty bottle of honey at home because B had waited too long and the stuff Mum always brought with her wasn't enough. I don't recall the rest of us ever asking to eat anything actually, but I don't think she would've let us. We were on a very tight string growing up
These days, on the few occasions that I do the grocery shopping, I have on occasion grabbed a 600ml Coke and opened it. I have low blood sugar episodes from time to time, most of the time they come on slowly, so even if I started going low in the shop I'd be okay til I got out. But sometimes they come on super fast, and within 5 minutes I've gone from feeling a little dizzy and yuck to being shaky and unable to talk. So I grab the Coke because it's got a bucket of sugar in it, and I find somewhere quiet to just drink it and wait for it to work. Then I make sure the bottle goes in the trolley and gets paid for, and tell myself off for not eating before going shopping!
Registered User
Yeddi - I'm only now realising that its the outside stimulation causing all the problems. Only in the last week or so have I started to understand that. As I said I refuse to take him shopping, or anywhere else unless necessary, for this reason.
Registered User
I don't really do it but don't have a problem with it either if it gets paid for at the end. I don't think fruit etc can be adequately counted if they have been consumed unless they are priced singly and not by the kg.
Moderator
Really it's academic for me because my children are long past being toddlers and no, I don't need to justify anything. I'm not Hyacinth Bucket so if people don't like the way I live my life they can kiss my buttons (trust me, lots of people don't like the way I live my life).
What bugs me is moral absolutes - statements about it being immoral and stealing and unjustifiable. Other people don't always share our moral code and that's ok. People are free to live by whatever morals they want but when they try and impose them on me that bugs me. Just so long as I'm not infringing upon your rights what does it matter?
Etiquette isn't absolute - what is rude in one culture isn't in another and in our family what is acceptable for one age isn't for another. For now I'm happy if my children are eating their lettuce. Never cutting it can come later. Ditto for soup. If they eat it that's enough. Spooning away is a lesson for another day. I might mention it in passing but I'm not going to press the matter because a happy mealtime is more important than perfect table manners at this time.
As for expecting a toddler to show self-control.....
If a toddler has self-control that's great for its parents but personally I was more comfortable with letting mine run a little wild.
Yep, I miss going to markets and skipping lunch because the kids are so full of samples and handouts that they can't another thing.
Registered User
Totally agree - and the only peoples opinion I really care about on this matter are the shop owners, if they object to it then I wouldn't do it, but all my experience has been that often fresh produce is being practically forced upon you to try. The world would be a boring place if we all did everything the same, and if having a snack as you go round the supermarket is what makes you or your child happy why not, and why should what anyone else does bother anyone if it doesn't bother the store - there are probably other things that people who won't snack in the supermarket do that "supermarket snackers" wouldn't agree with - it all balances out. The whole idea of "Life Etiquette" is a strange one to me really - because is so subjective about what is important to different people - really all you can do is do what you personally believe is right because you will never be able to please everyone - and is it a valuable use of time to spend too much time worrying about it? - probably not.
Clover - if it makes your life easier and you feel comfortable with it - do not worry about what others think about it - you know you are not cheating the store.
Registered User
Our woolies has a kids bin, with fresh pieces of fruit, and a large piggy bank. If you take a piece, u pay by putting 50cents in the piggy. I think it's a great idea! I am also guilty if opening a drink before it's paid for. To be honest I've never thought twice. Lol.
Administrator
I don't do it. Probably just something I was taught not to do (don't remember though). But interestingly enough I've never told my kids not to do it, but they were out shopping with a friend who did it and they were both absolutely horrified. Apparently their reaction was extremely dramatic. Even though I've never told them they shouldn't do it, nor have I ever scolded them at a shop for wanting to open something. They've just never asked, not even as toddlers. But we did always take snacks. But generally even as kids we had/have games*** we would play during shopping so that they don't find the ordeal traumatic, or worse, boring (which in turn is traumatic for me). Now shopping is often a learning experience. We do maths, learn about product placement, excess packaging, gimmicky packaging etc. We also talk about what we need vs. what we don't. And a lot of the time we scoot up and down the aisles like kids or talk about our days. It's not really a time for eating. They might ask to pick something to eat when we leave the store, but not normally during that time. Do I judge anyone who does? Absolutely not. It's completely up to them. I find the way people behave and their lack of etiquette in the carpark gets me more ragey, or how the attendant might pack my bags... moreso than if someone is eating as they shop. But then I don't tend to even notice other shoppers when I have my kids as I'm totally absorbed in them and the what I'm actually there for.
***This reminds me of the time DD used the 2 litre milk bottle as a baby and was pretending to cuddle and nurse it. My MIL was horrified and extremely embarrassed, she was worried people would think that we didn't buy her toys and she was neglected. I laughed at her the whole time... it was priceless.
Moderator
LOL don't get me started on the bag packing. I am so particular about what goes where. The funny thing is that I recently realised that I must have learnt it from my mother unconsciously because when I went shopping with my niece she started arranging everything correctly because that's how her Mum/my sister does it.
The other thing that bugs me is how often the check-out people at the big supermarkets have no clue what fruit/vege is what. They're ok with apples, oranges and potatoes but try buying a persimmon and they need to call a supervisor who then looks blank and needs to ask if you know what it is.
Administrator
I actually put everything on the counter in order of how I think it should be packed. And if for whatever reason they sway from my system I tell them no that goes with this pile in that bag. Sometimes they apologise and other times I get the "You crazy lady. You craaaazy." look. Heh.
Oh and re fruit and veg. My local store has pictures on their screens with the name to prevent this. I lawl.
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