Rude people on trains...

[Maruschke]

Yeah weight is irrelevant, but my experience was with a person [actually, people, because I've had this happen before!] using their size (rather than their bag, or sheer arrogance) to invade my space. And nope, doesn't need to be a man who gives up his seat.

[Maruschke]

I think the thing that made me pause was that it wasn't a bag... I wasn't saying... excuse me, could you please move your bag... but I was (if I had asked) going to ask the impossible... could you please move your thigh? Knowing that there was no where for her to move. It was part of body, not an inanimate object. It makes the conversation more personal. I really don't like making a scene, and I understand that overweight people already get enough foul looks and comments as it is. So I was looking for a way to address the issue without making it yet another downer. If you know what I mean? There is a reason why I ended up deciding to say nothing to her . One of my best friends is clinically obese but she chooses to stand to avoid all this... I don't blame her.

[sushee]

I think as an overweight person, you're pretty much on a hiding to nothing. You want to sit, as much as the next person, and if you're overweight, standing for long periods can be particularly difficult. So what do you do? Ignore an empty seat? Because you KNOW the person next to you is going to think you're imposing on their space? What choices do you have? Stand for the rest of your life so someone else doesn't feel uncomfortable?

I used to be overweight and the number of people who would grumble because I sat to them on a plane or a bus was disgraceful. I paid for a seat, same as anyone else. A bag is something someone can help, weight kinda isn't. I don't think it's rude for me to want to sit down, as everyone else seems to have the right to.

Like I said earlier, if someone had said to me to move because I was hurting them, I would have. Whether I was overweight or not, such as the skinny chick who practically sat on me on the tram. That's why I think this woman's rudeness and weight were un-related.

[Phteven]

You know what is worse than people with bags that need a seat and people who want to sit on your lap?
The smelly people. You can ask someone to get off your lap and threaten to throw their bag out the window but short of carrying a monster size can of deodorant there is nothing you can do about smelly people other than put your face in your hands and pray that they get off at the next stop.

[Maruschke]

I think as an overweight person, you're pretty much on a hiding to nothing. You want to sit, as much as the next person, and if you're overweight, standing for long periods can be particularly difficult. So what do you do? Ignore an empty seat? Because you KNOW the person next to you is going to think you're imposing on their space? What choices do you have? Stand for the rest of your life so someone else doesn't feel uncomfortable?

I used to be overweight and the number of people who would grumble because I sat to them on a plane or a bus was disgraceful. I paid for a seat, same as anyone else. A bag is something someone can help, weight kinda isn't. I don't think it's rude for me to want to sit down, as everyone else seems to have the right to.

Like I said earlier, if someone had said to me to move because I was hurting them, I would have. Whether I was overweight or not, such as the skinny chick who practically sat on me on the tram. That's why I think this woman's rudeness and weight were un-related.

Yeah I realise they are in a tough spot. That's why I started the thread! They can't just move their bag or go home and shower. I think both her and I were in a tough spot.

Surely there is a way of navigating this issue? Across from me was a young man who snickered when this woman sat down... I really don't think that's the way to go. The ettiquite here stumps me it honestly does.

I have gotten on the train before, while not pregnant, but with a back injury no one could know about, and taken a disabled seat. I've gotten awful looks for it. Makes me wonder if she was having the sort of day where sitting on someone was better for her than standing? Who knows.

This thread really wasn't about the fact that overweight people aren't the only group of people who can be rude, but about the specific issues of weight. After all if it were just her bag, I'd have moved it myself without blinking an eyelid. Inanimate objects invading my personal space are no where near as hard to deal with as people invading it. For whatever reason.

[Rouge]

It doesn't matter whether the person was overweight, underweight, pink or smelt like fish. If the person invaded your space you should have told them so. And the fact they didn't care to notice says they were rude.

[Livinthedream]

I can see your point M.
I think that there comes a point in life where you need to accept that some of your lifestyle choices can and will impact upon other poeple. And I dont think that other poeple should suffer because its not PC to say, "hey, you really dont fit in that seat"
An airline would not let you do it, if your butt doesnt fit into one seat, then you need to buy two.
Tough call though, who wants to be THE person that says something

[toomanyshoes]

I can see your point M.
I think that there comes a point in life where you need to accept that some of your lifestyle choices can and will impact upon other poeple. And I dont think that other poeple should suffer because its not PC to say, "hey, you really dont fit in that seat"
An airline would not let you do it, if your butt doesnt fit into one seat, then you need to buy two.
Tough call though, who wants to be THE person that says something

So where do you draw the line? Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me.

[Phteven]

Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me?

There is no law against being rude.

[sushee]

This reminds me of a story. I was the last to board a plane not long ago, and as I boarded, I noticed that a couple who were already in their seats were craning their necks to see who was coming up the aisle. As I sat down in the empty seat next to them, the man said 'oh thank god, we were worried you'd be a fatty'. I'd have loved to see what a ****head he would have been had I sat next to him 4 years ago.

And the irony? He then spent the flight trying to 'spread out' into my space. Rude, rude, rude man, who proves yet again my point that being overweight and being rude have nothing to do with each other. Because had I still been 110kgs, he probably would have told all his friends after about how *I* invaded his space.

[Livinthedream]

So where do you draw the line? Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me.

Havent they already? I mean not about the old smoke smell. Nowdays its not even good enough to just go outside for a smoke, now you have to move at least 4 meters from the buildings. And they will only make it harder.

Should add, I am a currently overweight (maybe not so much as this lady) ex-smoker, so am well aware of how my lifestyle choices can impact upon others.

[toomanyshoes]

Havent they already? I mean not about the old smoke smell. Nowdays its not even good enough to just go outside for a smoke, now you have to move at least 4 meters from the buildings. And they will only make it harder.

Should add, I am a currently overweight (maybe not so much as this lady) ex-smoker, so am well aware of how my lifestyle choices can impact upon others.

Well I guess they can have a "fatties" area next to the smokers area so people can't be offended by my fat but.

[Phteven]

Well I guess they can have a "fatties" area next to the smokers area so people can't be offended by my fat but.

Can we put the people who wear so much perfume that it makes my eyes water in the same place? And also people who read the Daily Telegraph? And people who wear tracksuits in public that are not athletes (or even athletic) and the people with dodgy hair extensions....

Actually....... it would be easier just to give me my own carriage that is invitation only. And if you're not on the list they can throw you out whilst the carriage is moving

[Livinthedream]

Nobody asked you to take your "fat but" outside, just that you dont place it upon thier leg whilst sitting on the train

[sushee]

If someone is invading your personal space - say so. Though to be fair, I may be able to put my bag down on the floor but I may not be able to move my butt far enough to suit some people.

I think this is about getting hurt by this lady. If M was getting hurt, she has a right to say she's getting hurt and to ask the person next to her stop hurting her. And she's mentioned that she feels like that was taboo due to the weight of the person. Though I don't think any reasonable person would willingly continue to hurt someone, once told that they are. If they did, THAT would make them rude. And that's the issue, not the weight of the person, though from some of the comments since, it seems as though the weight of others is considered an imposition on some.

In my opinion, that's pretty rude too.

[little_O]

So where do you draw the line? Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me.

I actually agree that you should be able to. Yes its their personal and lifestyle choice, but it is also mine to not smoke and have to smell that. But unfortunately i am too polite to even request the person who blows smoke into my face in a public place to stop. As onyx said sometimes you just hold your breath and bear it.

I dont think M was having a "weight" issue discussion, more so than a "personal space" discussion. As others have said, if you are invading someone else's space (no matter size, shape, form, gender etc) you're the one at fault, what gives you more rights than the other person. Its part of good manners.

[Shanti]

Some people are just incredibly ignorant and too self involved to even realise they are doing things like that!! I've had that happen to me before in the past and it's horrible!! Makes you feel so uncomfortable. I've actually gotten up off buses/trains in the past because the person next to me was sitting waaaay too close or breathing down my neck (literally) or looking at what I was reading or their hair was rubbing on my shoulder (eeewww!) so I just had to get up!!!!!! Standing was much better than putting up with that cr*p!

[Shanti]

So where do you draw the line? Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me.

YES!!!! Cigarette smoke repulses me and is the worst smelling odour EVER.... but that's JMO and for another thread I cough and splutter whenever those smokers stand 1-3mtrs to the shopping centre entrance, where not only me but my children are forced to breathe it in.....