Rude people on trains...

[sushee]

I'm not sure being overweight is a lifestyle choice. Not showering is a lifestyle choice, but who chooses to be overweight?

[AngelPants]

So where do you draw the line? Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me.

I may be known to do this......

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[Phteven]

Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me?

There is no law against being rude.

[sushee]

This reminds me of a story. I was the last to board a plane not long ago, and as I boarded, I noticed that a couple who were already in their seats were craning their necks to see who was coming up the aisle. As I sat down in the empty seat next to them, the man said 'oh thank god, we were worried you'd be a fatty'. I'd have loved to see what a ****head he would have been had I sat next to him 4 years ago.

And the irony? He then spent the flight trying to 'spread out' into my space. Rude, rude, rude man, who proves yet again my point that being overweight and being rude have nothing to do with each other. Because had I still been 110kgs, he probably would have told all his friends after about how *I* invaded his space.

[Livinthedream]

So where do you draw the line? Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me.

Havent they already? I mean not about the old smoke smell. Nowdays its not even good enough to just go outside for a smoke, now you have to move at least 4 meters from the buildings. And they will only make it harder.

Should add, I am a currently overweight (maybe not so much as this lady) ex-smoker, so am well aware of how my lifestyle choices can impact upon others.

[little_O]

So where do you draw the line? Can I tell a smoker I can't stand the smell of their stale smoke so please move because your personal choice is offending me.

I actually agree that you should be able to. Yes its their personal and lifestyle choice, but it is also mine to not smoke and have to smell that. But unfortunately i am too polite to even request the person who blows smoke into my face in a public place to stop. As onyx said sometimes you just hold your breath and bear it.

I dont think M was having a "weight" issue discussion, more so than a "personal space" discussion. As others have said, if you are invading someone else's space (no matter size, shape, form, gender etc) you're the one at fault, what gives you more rights than the other person. Its part of good manners.

[toomanyshoes]

Havent they already? I mean not about the old smoke smell. Nowdays its not even good enough to just go outside for a smoke, now you have to move at least 4 meters from the buildings. And they will only make it harder.

Should add, I am a currently overweight (maybe not so much as this lady) ex-smoker, so am well aware of how my lifestyle choices can impact upon others.

Well I guess they can have a "fatties" area next to the smokers area so people can't be offended by my fat but.

[Maruschke]

I think as an overweight person, you're pretty much on a hiding to nothing. You want to sit, as much as the next person, and if you're overweight, standing for long periods can be particularly difficult. So what do you do? Ignore an empty seat? Because you KNOW the person next to you is going to think you're imposing on their space? What choices do you have? Stand for the rest of your life so someone else doesn't feel uncomfortable?

I used to be overweight and the number of people who would grumble because I sat to them on a plane or a bus was disgraceful. I paid for a seat, same as anyone else. A bag is something someone can help, weight kinda isn't. I don't think it's rude for me to want to sit down, as everyone else seems to have the right to.

Like I said earlier, if someone had said to me to move because I was hurting them, I would have. Whether I was overweight or not, such as the skinny chick who practically sat on me on the tram. That's why I think this woman's rudeness and weight were un-related.

Yeah I realise they are in a tough spot. That's why I started the thread! They can't just move their bag or go home and shower. I think both her and I were in a tough spot.

Surely there is a way of navigating this issue? Across from me was a young man who snickered when this woman sat down... I really don't think that's the way to go. The ettiquite here stumps me it honestly does.

I have gotten on the train before, while not pregnant, but with a back injury no one could know about, and taken a disabled seat. I've gotten awful looks for it. Makes me wonder if she was having the sort of day where sitting on someone was better for her than standing? Who knows.

This thread really wasn't about the fact that overweight people aren't the only group of people who can be rude, but about the specific issues of weight. After all if it were just her bag, I'd have moved it myself without blinking an eyelid. Inanimate objects invading my personal space are no where near as hard to deal with as people invading it. For whatever reason.

[Phteven]

Well I guess they can have a "fatties" area next to the smokers area so people can't be offended by my fat but.

Can we put the people who wear so much perfume that it makes my eyes water in the same place? And also people who read the Daily Telegraph? And people who wear tracksuits in public that are not athletes (or even athletic) and the people with dodgy hair extensions....

Actually....... it would be easier just to give me my own carriage that is invitation only. And if you're not on the list they can throw you out whilst the carriage is moving

[Livinthedream]

Nobody asked you to take your "fat but" outside, just that you dont place it upon thier leg whilst sitting on the train

[sushee]

If someone is invading your personal space - say so. Though to be fair, I may be able to put my bag down on the floor but I may not be able to move my butt far enough to suit some people.

I think this is about getting hurt by this lady. If M was getting hurt, she has a right to say she's getting hurt and to ask the person next to her stop hurting her. And she's mentioned that she feels like that was taboo due to the weight of the person. Though I don't think any reasonable person would willingly continue to hurt someone, once told that they are. If they did, THAT would make them rude. And that's the issue, not the weight of the person, though from some of the comments since, it seems as though the weight of others is considered an imposition on some.

In my opinion, that's pretty rude too.

[Rouge]

It doesn't matter whether the person was overweight, underweight, pink or smelt like fish. If the person invaded your space you should have told them so. And the fact they didn't care to notice says they were rude.

[little_O]

Can we put the people who wear so much perfume that it makes my eyes water in the same place? And also people who read the Daily Telegraph? And people who wear tracksuits in public that are not athletes (or even athletic) and the people with dodgy hair extensions....

Actually....... it would be easier just to give me my own carriage that is invitation only. And if you're not on the list they can throw you out whilst the carriage is moving

haha can i join the list

Guess thats the beauty of "public" transport. We just ahve to suck it up and hope the "offenders" are getting off soon!

[Phteven]

*Adds little_O +1 to the list*

[Maruschke]

But by telling her that she has invaded my personal space I am basically telling her to stand up. There is no middle ground, she was unable to sit AND not invade my space. I find it rude... or at least uncomfortable, to demand that a person stand. I know it's a sensitive topic, but I'm actually asking how to best be polite to them, and sensitive to the fact that they might not have chosen this condition, I am not trying to marginalise them or put them down. After all, I could have stood and let her have the seat without her feeling uncomfortable (because I'm sure she didn't feel great either). And I don't think she is less deserving of a seat than me, even if I am pregnant, because at this stage I am quite capable of standing.

[nothing2lose]

Put me on your list too Onyx. Two seats please. I like to spread mah fat out.

[Rouge]

I have my own personal carriage. It's black, A/C'd, the music is great and the seats are big enough to contain my buttocks.

Maruschke, I'm sure she could have moved so you weren't so crushed. That's what I meant.

[sushee]

I understood that that was what you were getting at M. I actually don't think it's one of those times where you have a clear answer. You either say something to her and force her to stand, or stand yourself. I don't think it's one of those circumstances where you can have a win-win.