First off - far out, ducking and hiding to avoid her?! High school much?! They need to grow up.
If you had her number I'd suggest just coming clean yourself. Since you don't, you can't really do much else than what you're doing. If they wanna be teenagers, let them.
It would make me seriously reconsider my own relationship with them though.
What would I do? If i were in direct contact with Betty, be frank and honest - probably by email if I could. But that's not really an option for you unless you unblock, then PM on FB. It just wouldn't sit well with me at all to go sneaking around about this, and frankly, she's given you no reason to be delicate or sensitive. It's just not ok to say the things she has. She should know that people choose to avoid her because she behaves like that. Given she's not talking to you directly though, I think it wouldn't make sense to approach her.
I'd also be pretty direct with your friends. I understand why the don't like her and I get that turning someone away is awkward. But the way they're managing this is childish.
And yes, I've had to do it before. A friend who then became a parent and the way she was parenting (doing things that i believed were damaging to her son) and allowing he son to behave toward my child... the level of denial she was in about several aspects of her life and he tendency to shut me down and go on the defensive when I tried to process stuff with her... I realised that I had completely lost respect for her. It felt so wrong to accept or put off her invitations to hang out, when I found myself cringing and judging her. So I broke off the friendship and I was as straightforward as possible. I did it by email. I was both too scared, and felt I would be pretty confrontational for her to do it in person. She didn't respond... until 12 months later when she sent me a lengthy email telling me that she was grateful that I'd been honest, that she'd hated me for a while but then re-read my original email, taken the feedback on board and made some changes. It was too late for our friendship, but I think in the long run it was the best thing for all of us
Good luck Hun. If all else fails, maybe consider the bus?!!!
I'd pull your friends up on their behaviour, yes it may damage your friendship with them, but you need to be true to who you are as a person and be authentic to who you are as a person.
I'm crap at this sort of situation as well. I'm not particularly fond of confrontation so this is probably what I would do in theory but I think in reality there is a fair chance I'd just head for a different train or hope fervently that the situation resolved itself!
I would sit down with the others, or whoever you perceive the ringleader (if there is such a thing) to be & put it quite simply as you have in your post - someone needs to spell it out to Betty and do it soon.
I think Betty being such an obnoxious person is a bit beside the point - as someone else said, you need to be true to who you are & how you want to behave and stick to that. If the other girls can't work with that, then maybe catch ups outside catching the train are still ok but maybe not getting the train itself.
I know the other girls are your friends. I have difficulty staying friends with people whose behaviour I dont respect. If they can't suck it up, be an adult and get on with life, then I wouldnt have a lot of time with them. I certainly wouldnt buy into the whole, how do we tell her we dont like her stuff. My response would be, "this is my advice, if you dont like my advice, dont ask me again and don't use me as an excuse".
However, I am black and white about my values, my friends and relationships in general. I am also generally anti-social, and would eventually find catching a train with the same people regularly a bit smothering, so wouldn't be in that situation anyway.
Sorry, that doesn't actually help you at all, unless you decide to just back off and tell them you're not interested in talking about Betty. If they sort it out, fine. If they dont, that's their problem. Dont make it yours.
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