Perhaps you could take her out for a drink (just the two of you) and see whether she wants to open up about the death of her little boy. I imagine it is something you never get over, and is something she is probably still dealing with herself. She might appreciate speaking to a friend, who is a little disconnected from her family life. You could suggest that given everything that has happened she may be favouring her son over her daughter and the daughter has picked up on it.
You sound like a lovely friend, and just what she needs.
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