i have been saying to DS alot lately that we have rules in our family and other families may not have the same rules, so in our family we need to ask first before taking something, others dont have that rule but it is really important you remember OUR rules.
in the case of the play house i would say to the parent, do you mind asking the boys to stay out of this area as it is scaring DS and this is a designated area for under 5.
the socks.. pfft.. my kids often wear shoes with out them so i dont pay attention to that rule.
I think it's really important to say things in a nice way as Lulu says, mostly because you are not only helping your child, you are showing your child that rules apply to all and also you are teaching them problem solving techniques as well as social etiquette and how to deal with confrontation.
The worst is when you see other parents turn into banshees, that does nothing but teach children how to be bullies themselves.
See I dunno about that Audax, I think it teaches our children passive aggression and judgement iykwim?
I agree that I would say something. The first situation is IMO very rude. Because if the child is resistant to getting off you have little choice but to hunt down the parent (you can't pull the kid off) or just hold the bike till they get off. I feel that in small familiar groups (e.g. mothers groups) then if you bring a toy then be prepared to share but in the park then leave alone toys from people you don't know.
In the play centre situation we always say something directly (nice but firm) to the kids. They are usually apologetic and leave the area. If they didn't I would say something to management because it is a safety issue not an etiquette issue. But we have had the difficult situation where an older boy was babysitting his younger brother with his parents nowhere in sight (they weren't even in the centre) and they were really too rough for the young section but too young for the older section. Ultimately it is up to the parents to supervise especially in the bigger playcentres where you can't see them well from the tables and I get really annoyed at kids asking me to open gates to get them in or out of sections when I don't know whether I am going to get abused by the parents for letting them in or not letting them out (I have had both).
I think you're well within your rights to say something in a polite manner in both situations. Personally, in the bike situation I'd say "DS would like his bike back now please" and in the play centre situation I'd either ask the parent to move their kids to the older equipment, say something to the kids themselves, or say something to management.
personally i wouldnt mind some other kid playing with one of my kids toys...its an opportunity to learn that sharing is good and that they dont have to be territorial
I agree that the other mother could have used the opportunity to teach her son a lesson about 'asking permission' first rather then taking something that doesnt belong to him. Perhaps she didnt realise there was a problem? You could have approached her and let her know that your son was upset and then she may have acted.
I think parents forget that these instances are not necessarily bad but opportunities to teach their children good behavior. Both the kids could have learnt a very valuable lesson that would have added to their awareness of common courtesy and social ettiquette.
The other thing is that some parents take offence to another parent criticising their child. I had the incident where two boys (4yr) were playing and one of them hit my daughter who was only 3yrs. I immediately went over and asked the boys who hit her and they each pointed to each other. Then the mother of one of them came over and wanted to know what was going on and i told her that i was asking them which one hit her and neither of them are admitting to it....she didnt do much but did seem to be annoyed at me for asking them. I probably should have gone over to her but in a room full of kids and parents it not going to be possible to know who their parents are....anyway, lesson learnt, some parents just dont like anyone rousing on their kids...being angels and all iykwm lol.
With the park situation, I would be so shocked that a child the age that you mentioned isn't so closely monitored that they are able to approach a stranger and get the bike in the 1st place.. Then after that shock wore off, I would then ask for the bike back as DS (or in my case DD) wasn't asked if you could use it. (If I was asked, I would most likely say yes if DD was otherwise occupied)..
For the playcentre, I tend to shield DD if there are rough kids on there that shouldn't be. And explain to her that they shouldn't be there, but she will get her go soon. I also don't expect older kids to make allowances for her if she is on their age group things. But while at a local shopping centre, my mum has asked bigger kids to leave the equipment. Wasn't only a safety issue for the younger kids wanting to use it, but they are designed for certain age/weight ranges, and these ones were definately not close to the age group specified.
Unfortunatly we cant control others kids or how parents behave or lack of. Would be nice at times if we could do though!! I think!
I just do my own thing. I unfortunalty dont think there is any etiquette anymore at all... I don't worry about others, keep toys at park close to us. And to be honest don't expect anything from others, in regards to manners to my kids to myself.. etc..
Its a shame that things are like that now. I guess things change in society.....
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks