Someone said this to me recently... My brother in law in fact.... By god it hurt. He does not know our struggles with fertility and until (if) I have children I will not know what I don't know. I do know is hard. I think my empathy is pretty good. And just because I don't have children does not mean my opinions or ideas or values are not valid or useful.
You don't know what she is going through. It would hurt the bejeesus out of me - not saying you can avoid hurting people all the time, but maybe responding "sorry I really didn't mean to offend, maybe its irrelevant, but maybe they dont understand" would help her.
It is a little offensive to say to someone - you have not experienced something therefore you don't understand - I do believe that you can never truely "get" something from another persons perspective, because you don't come to the situation with the same background etc... However it doesn't mean you can't appreciate it's difficult or imagine how it might be. Obviously some people can't - but some can - it's like saying to people with children "sorry you've never had a career without children impacting so you can't possibly understand the pressure I feel" it's not fair and not nice and some people might be offended. I have never been kidnapped but I can imagine how awful it might be - ill never fully understand it - but I get it sucks!!!'
I was offended by my BIL because I have worked with kids for 20 years - I am a step mother - I have had a miscarriage and have struggled to have a child. It hurts.
Maybe I don't get it - and all of you will read this and probably be saying that to yourself. But I don't think anyone can truely understand someone else's experiences.
You can't always stop from offending people, but if they are offended - you can't assume to know why they might be either.
Last edited by myturn; September 18th, 2013 at 11:28 PM.
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