BW's rules for the family who wants to be supportive

[tk1999]

This thread has gone hasn't been posted to in some time but with a dear friend of mine about to start IVF I am doing as much reading as I can in order to support her through this.

I realise now that I have pulled away from her somewhat for fear of being too intrusive so I hope that by reading your stories of what they could have done better - I won't have the need to once pull my foot from my mouth

[mellybelly81]

I know this thread is old, old, old, but I have just gone through my first IVF cycle (no transfer due to OHSS) and thought I'd share some thoughts, both from the beginnings of our journey until during this cycle.

I do have a very supportive family on both sides, but I don't think it can be stressed enough that regardless of supportive or indifferent ppl, if they haven't ever had to go through it, they will NEVER understand. Thus the following rules would apply to me, in addition to most others I have read here:

thou shalt not say "oh my friend has that issue, that's no big deal, she just took these tablets and got pregnant" (maybe she was lucky and clomid worked straight up for her, maybe she didn't disclose the whole ordeal of her treatment to my SIL)

thou shalt not say you would like to read my AC info book and then leave it on the bench in the exact same spot every week we visit, obviously never been read

though shalt not write on your facebook status that its easier to work full time than be a full time mum (a friend who recently went back to work after 18mths off after her first when she wasn't even trying)

though shalt not ask me how things are going and when i mention i was having a hard time with some of the treatment and tests, tell me "oh that's nothing to when you are pregnant, some of those tests aren't very pleasant... like internals" ummmmm i have someone sticking something up my "internals" numerous times in one cycle so I think I probably already outscore you! (same friend as above)

and lastly my dear dad, thou shalt not answer the phone when I ring with "oh hi love how are you?... I'll get your mum" I'm still a person you can talk to!!!!

ok I think that's all I have for now... all of these things were said by ppl who I know care, but just won't ever get "IT" and I guess we can't really expect them to. I mean how many of us know exactly how a woman gets pregnant before we are faced with fertility issues and kind of have to know? We get the most basic of info in sex ed at school and I think young people (girls in particular) should be told more about the cycle. If people knew how it doesn't just happen when you have no birth control and have sex and that there are actually a LOT of things that have to line up just right, then maybe more people would have a knowledge that goes back further than when their "broken" child comes to them and explains it. (By "broken" I mean from my experience I think my parents feel like there was something they could have done differently to stop this happening and make it "better", I certainly didn't mean that any of us are anything but normal).

Ok I think I have flip flopped between cynical, jaded and empathetic of family/friends so I might leave it here before my soapbox breaks.

[glenny_c]

I've just been reading through this thread and I have switched between laughing at some of the comments and sitting in shock at some of the things people have said.
I'm currently 4 day into the 2ww for our first IVF cycle. Wow- Crinone is fun isn't it?

So far we've been really lucky with our family and friends, we've had a lot of support and a close friend of mine is going through AC as well so we've got some people to really vent to. We haven't had to share any results yet though so not sure how that will go, either way...

Thank god for this forum though. I haven't really posted much but been reading for a couple of weeks and it's really good to hear people who really understand. Nice to know I'm not on my own with all the psycho thoughts etc.