Donor Conception General Chatter #1

[sushee]

This thread is for those who have, for various reasons, decided to utilise a donor to assist in their dream of having a child. It is also a place for those who are donors, are considering donating, or are in the process of donating.

Please note that we do not allow posts that advertise for donors or recipeints.

This thread is for general chatter and support only. Please ensure that any discussions between donor and recipient regarding donation is not posted in this public forum.

Any post which is considered advertising will be removed.

If there is anything you would like to discuss about the thread or have any problems then please contact one of the moderators. All emails/PM's are treated confidentiality.

Sarah_H sarah_h@bellybelly.com.au
Cherie cherie@bellybelly.com.au
sushee sushee@bellybelly.com.au
tiggy - tigga_m@hotmail.com
Cailin cailin@bellybelly.com.au

Love
sushee

[SuziQ]

oooooo, can I be first? I've read the important thread above.
First - a big thanks to Kelly and the mods - Sushee in particular for giving this thread the go-ahead. Also, thanks to Cindy and Anney for their energy, input and support. Go girls!!
This will be a great place of support for those of us in the donor conception world and a wonderful way to learn for those who are hovering on the fringe of becoming a donor. I look forward to us sharing our experiences in here. It's such a hard and much misunderstood road to be on. Hopefully, this thread will engender a better understanding of all sides to donor conception.

My story:
Having been a member of BB for quite a while now, many of you will know my story, but for those who do not - here is the short version.
My XDH and I tried, unsuccessfully, between 1990 and 2001 to have a child. 11 years of IVF, natural therapies, hypnotherapy and whatever else claimed to be the answer, yielded no child for us. We went our separate ways five and a half years ago, he has since remarried and has three step-children. I spent four years soul-searching and number-crunching and in 2005 I decided to pursue my quest to be a mum on my own. I had two unsuccessful ICSI cycles in 2005 using anonymous donor sperm. Last year, thanks to the DH of an ED on another board, Angela, David became my known sperm donor. I travelled interstate to avoid NSW quarantine rules and cycled in August last year - again no luck. Didn't even make it to transfer, my poor eggs just didn't have enough puff.
I am currently waiting for my 'supply' to come out of quarantine at the end of January. I'd like to do one more cycle with my own eggs but am yet to speak with my specialist about that. I have a feeling he may not be 'on the bus' with that idea - considering my age. I'm pretty sure he will tell me not to waste any more time with my poor tired ovaries. That's a hard thing to digest, espcially when I still feel very young
Like every other IP (intending parent) in the world, all I have ever wanted is to be a mum. It's so easy isn't it? Meet the love of your life, get married, have a child and live happily ever after. Right? Well, somewhere I took a wrong turn and now, here I sit -still waiting. I didn't waste my childbearing years on my career, travelling or living the high life - circumstances just landed me here. Yes, I'd love to have a DH to share parenthood with but, biologically, I just can't afford to waste any more time looking for him. I also have very strong views on bringing a child into a couple's home where that home is less than happy. I want a loving, peaceful and nurturing home for my child and am happy and confident about embarking on this path to motherhood alone. I am a mad gardener and can't wait to have a child to play mud pies with! I'm very much an earthy free spirit.
Yep, that's the short version.
I know that's a very long post for the first one....but I just really want people to understand that there are many reasons why people need donors - whether it be ED or SD. I have recently advertised for an ED on three other boards and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. So much so that it took me 15 months to do it. I never thought I'd have to 'market' myself to be a mum. Something that so many very lucky women can be without having to give it a second thought.
Anyway, I probably should toddle off now.
Ciao for now.

[AnyDream]

Wow, thanks for the thread - what a great topic!! For years now i have wanted to be an egg donor, because I feel that those people who really really want children and who cherish them should be the ppl who get to have children! (regardless whether married, single, gay, lesbian, surrogate, whatever other family configuration, it is our birthrite to pass this love we have on to our offspring). This is something in my heart of hearts that I really want to give.

However I now fear I might have left it too late, as I was advised years ago to complete my own family before going down the donation path. I am now 35 and will be 36 when bubs is born, and I read somewhere that they are less eager for donors over the age of 35?? However I'm fit and healthy and have never smoked, drunk excessively, etc, so there is a good chance my biological age is lower than my chrono age! So if anyone has any more information on whether this sort of age restriction applies in certain states or through certain clinics, please post as I would be very interested to know.

As far as I know there is no single portal for this sort of information in Australia?
:-)

[SuziQ]

Hi Mary
I continue to be amazed by the generosity and huge hearts of donors/potential donors. 'Grateful' doesn't even come close to how an IP feels to read posts like yours.
I am not an expert on the legalities of ED but couldn't stand to see your post just hanging there unanswered! Cindy is a true guru in this area and has written some brilliant information pieces - I'm sure she'll be along in the next couple of days.

[AnyDream]

Well, one of the things I would want to make sure of (if I were to donate) is that any offspring would definitely be able to contact me at a later time if they wanted to. I think this is really really important and because the laws are different on this (state to state) I will research this carefully so that right is preserved by law in the place of donation.

If I've got until 38, I might still be able to skate it in before the door slams shut! I look forward to reading the posts in this thread as this is something I feel strongly about.
:-)

[SuziQ]

Hi again Mary

I will research this carefully

This is so very important for every single aspect of ED. I myself have already had one 'false start' as a donor asked if she could be my ED before she had spoken with her DH. Needless to say he wasn't supportive and I ended up very let down and disappointed.
Thanks for popping back in - the more the merrier and the better understanding of the whole topic there will be.
Cheers

[tiamiami]

Hi ladies..... Well I decieded last year as my biological clock was ticking to go and pursue a fertility specialist and beings that I am single 37 yrs old opted for donor specimen.... What a blessing.... My baby boy arrived on January 5, 2007. I had ups and downs with the pregnancy as I was originally pregnant with triplets and 2 did not make it. I lost the first ones heartbeat at 6 weeks and then the little girl at 22 weeks. I know these things happen for a reason and this is how I get through it all. I have an awesome set of Doctors and family support that is truly amazing. I will oreder the next specimen probably next week. I want Ian to have a sibling or a few which ever I am blessed with. I will start trying with the same donor as I have phoned the company to make sure his specimen is still available and will have it stored at my fertility specialist office. I will be complete with my degree in August so I will start to try in September . Ladies I am so thankful that someone was kind enough and willing to assist me into bringing my little man to me!!! Good luck to you all

[SuziQ]

Thanks Tia
It's always comforting to read a story with a happy ending.
Good luck with extending your family.

[SuziQ]

Hi Marg
I've been to two meets now - both in QLD when I was up there for my last cycle.
The first there were kids and partners (obviously I had neither!). But it was fine. We met at the playground area at Roma St Parklands, the dads spent most of the time playing on the swings etc with the kids.
The second was a lunch for the gals only in a restaurant in Mooloolaba.
Both were good.

[SuziQ]

Hi
Yep, I've been chasin' me tail a bit lately.
Am sure all will go well with your counselling Gargy, glad I could ease your mind a little.
Hi to everyone!

[Caramello]

Hi SuziQ! I found out that the counsellor does have to sign forms, but this is simply after all of us have been counselled to make sure we understand the ramifications of going down this path. So it's more of a signoff than a judgement - I obviously got the wrong end of the stick.

No worries Anney, I'm just a stickybeak!!

I'll be going to a DCSG picnic in a couple of weekend's time so hopefully this will be good. I've said to the counsellor that the IVF one was not really for us as we're not in cycle at the moment.

I've also thought whether I would cope if we also needed eggs - not sure how I would react - I suppose I cross that bridge when and if we get to it.

Lulu I also hope you are ok.

[MargOZ]

Well, I've taken a step back onto the fertility rollercoaster, even if it is only a big-toe at the moment! LOL! I sent a letter to the Clinic Coordinator just updating my situation - ie. the FS wanted me to lose 10kg before coming back. I have gone down a dress size BUT the scales have hardly budged! AARRGGHH!

So although I've lost cm's I haven't gotten down to the weight the FS wanted. I'm happy to keep working on it BUT I'm conscious that I'm turning 39 in May and I don't have 12 months to waste on trying to lose a few more kilos coz it's going to slow! (I am a size 14 now which is the smallest I've been in a long time!).

They rang yesterday and said the FS would like to see me for an appointment and a chat about things. Of course I'm hoping it's not a 'sorry but there's nothing more we can do' chat! Surely he could have told me that over the phone rather than make me drive 1 1/2 hours to see him! SO. My appointment is on 22nd Feb. Fingers crossed they are happy to continue treating me. Otherwise I guess I'll be looking for a new Clinic!

Oh, and you girls are the only ones that know! I've decided not to say anything to family and friends at this stage about giving things another go. I need to see what the FS has to say as there may not be much to tell them anyway!!! So thanks for listening!

Marg

[SuziQ]

Hey Marg
I doubt that he'll refuse to treat you. Size 14 isn't big!!!! Blimey.
Good luck on the 22nd, that's not too far off

[Amity]

Congratulations Tiami. I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your little ones, and I'm very glad you have Ian. Enjoy your new Mummyhood.

I've been investigating donating eggs since I left XH. Unfortunately if you are married, here in Victoria, you need your husband's consent for any donation, even if you are separated.

Bring on 2008 I say!

[~Jo~]

Oh wow what a great thread. I have been so blessed with 4 wonderful kids..id love to be able to help if I could. Must think some more about this. Im 32 now so dont have forever.

Jo

[anney]

Hi all,
It is really great to see this thread here as I have noticed a few people on BB lately using donor sperm.

Marydean, you are right laws and rules across states vary and rules about donation can even vary across clinics in the one state. There is no one place to go to get all the rules. It can be very confusing. Probably the best way to ensure a child born from your donation would have the opportunity to know you, is to do a "known" donation as opposed to an anonymous donation. In an anonymous donation, a donor goes to a clinic and offers their services and will be matched with a recipient on the clinics waiting list. some waitlists for eggs can be up to 5 years long! the recipient and the donor may end up having contact if that is what they both want. In a known donation both the donor and recipient want to know each other and give the child the opportunity of knowing the donor. The closeness of the relationship can vary - I have seen people become lifelong friends or perhaps they may agree to a photo every year. It is up to the people to discuss it themselves. Sorry have rattled on too long. Like you I want a child to be able to meet their genetic mother when they are ready so I am wanting a known donation.

Tiamiami, congratulations on the birth of your baby. you must be very relieved and happy after losing your 2 angels. You are very brave to be thinking about your next baby already.

suziQ, As you know I am in victoria so have seen that excerpt from the legislation before but it always makes me cringe as it reminds me of those terrible stories of people travelling to foreign countries and waking up with stitches in their side and one less kidney!:eek:

Hiya Div, I reckon you will be all lined up and ready to go by the end of this year. You are always determined.

Jo, As a potential egg recipient it is always lovely to see people even considering egg donation, so if you have any questions, fire away.

Oops, almost forgot to tell you a little about how I got here. As Suzi said, there are many reasons why people need donated eggs. My DH and I need them because we met later in life, (he was married to someone else during my optimum child bearing years:frown: ) but we were really lucky to have no problems having our DD when I was 40. Since then we have been trying to give her a brother or sister with no luck. We tried IVF for the first time last year and got pg first go but sadly miscarried at 10 weeks. I am 45 and in Victoria you cannot do IVF with your own eggs after the age of 45 so donor eggs it is. We can't give up yet. We would have had 5 kids if we had met earlier so while our DD is gorgeous we want at least one more.

I joined BB 3 years ago now and started out in the TTC thread and love parenting advice so it is great to be able to contribute to another area.

[SuziQ]

Lulu I'm pretty confident that bleeding is just from the actual transfer itself. Sometimes they can scrape/scratch and it takes a couple of days for the blood to come out. Implantation bleeding usually happens around 7 - 10 days after ET (I think). So, settle petal!!!!
Gargy, glad you found a nice counsellor to talk with. I don't know why IVF counsellors involved with DC think they are born to lord it over everyone. Hope all goes well with your SD on the weekend.

[anney]

Lulu,
far too early to be AF so don't even think about that. I know the 2ww can do your head but stay positive - from what Jo says, it sounds like a good sign rather than bad. for you
Gargy - hope the pill does the trick. very annoying though that you have to use it when you are TTC. good luck.