Donor Conception General Chatter #1

[sushee]

This thread is for those who have, for various reasons, decided to utilise a donor to assist in their dream of having a child. It is also a place for those who are donors, are considering donating, or are in the process of donating.

Please note that we do not allow posts that advertise for donors or recipeints.

This thread is for general chatter and support only. Please ensure that any discussions between donor and recipient regarding donation is not posted in this public forum.

Any post which is considered advertising will be removed.

If there is anything you would like to discuss about the thread or have any problems then please contact one of the moderators. All emails/PM's are treated confidentiality.

Sarah_H sarah_h@bellybelly.com.au
Cherie cherie@bellybelly.com.au
sushee sushee@bellybelly.com.au
tiggy - tigga_m@hotmail.com
Cailin cailin@bellybelly.com.au

Love
sushee

[SuziQ]

oooooo, can I be first? I've read the important thread above.
First - a big thanks to Kelly and the mods - Sushee in particular for giving this thread the go-ahead. Also, thanks to Cindy and Anney for their energy, input and support. Go girls!!
This will be a great place of support for those of us in the donor conception world and a wonderful way to learn for those who are hovering on the fringe of becoming a donor. I look forward to us sharing our experiences in here. It's such a hard and much misunderstood road to be on. Hopefully, this thread will engender a better understanding of all sides to donor conception.

My story:
Having been a member of BB for quite a while now, many of you will know my story, but for those who do not - here is the short version.
My XDH and I tried, unsuccessfully, between 1990 and 2001 to have a child. 11 years of IVF, natural therapies, hypnotherapy and whatever else claimed to be the answer, yielded no child for us. We went our separate ways five and a half years ago, he has since remarried and has three step-children. I spent four years soul-searching and number-crunching and in 2005 I decided to pursue my quest to be a mum on my own. I had two unsuccessful ICSI cycles in 2005 using anonymous donor sperm. Last year, thanks to the DH of an ED on another board, Angela, David became my known sperm donor. I travelled interstate to avoid NSW quarantine rules and cycled in August last year - again no luck. Didn't even make it to transfer, my poor eggs just didn't have enough puff.
I am currently waiting for my 'supply' to come out of quarantine at the end of January. I'd like to do one more cycle with my own eggs but am yet to speak with my specialist about that. I have a feeling he may not be 'on the bus' with that idea - considering my age. I'm pretty sure he will tell me not to waste any more time with my poor tired ovaries. That's a hard thing to digest, espcially when I still feel very young
Like every other IP (intending parent) in the world, all I have ever wanted is to be a mum. It's so easy isn't it? Meet the love of your life, get married, have a child and live happily ever after. Right? Well, somewhere I took a wrong turn and now, here I sit -still waiting. I didn't waste my childbearing years on my career, travelling or living the high life - circumstances just landed me here. Yes, I'd love to have a DH to share parenthood with but, biologically, I just can't afford to waste any more time looking for him. I also have very strong views on bringing a child into a couple's home where that home is less than happy. I want a loving, peaceful and nurturing home for my child and am happy and confident about embarking on this path to motherhood alone. I am a mad gardener and can't wait to have a child to play mud pies with! I'm very much an earthy free spirit.
Yep, that's the short version.
I know that's a very long post for the first one....but I just really want people to understand that there are many reasons why people need donors - whether it be ED or SD. I have recently advertised for an ED on three other boards and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. So much so that it took me 15 months to do it. I never thought I'd have to 'market' myself to be a mum. Something that so many very lucky women can be without having to give it a second thought.
Anyway, I probably should toddle off now.
Ciao for now.

[AnyDream]

Wow, thanks for the thread - what a great topic!! For years now i have wanted to be an egg donor, because I feel that those people who really really want children and who cherish them should be the ppl who get to have children! (regardless whether married, single, gay, lesbian, surrogate, whatever other family configuration, it is our birthrite to pass this love we have on to our offspring). This is something in my heart of hearts that I really want to give.

However I now fear I might have left it too late, as I was advised years ago to complete my own family before going down the donation path. I am now 35 and will be 36 when bubs is born, and I read somewhere that they are less eager for donors over the age of 35?? However I'm fit and healthy and have never smoked, drunk excessively, etc, so there is a good chance my biological age is lower than my chrono age! So if anyone has any more information on whether this sort of age restriction applies in certain states or through certain clinics, please post as I would be very interested to know.

As far as I know there is no single portal for this sort of information in Australia?
:-)

[SuziQ]

Hi Mary
I continue to be amazed by the generosity and huge hearts of donors/potential donors. 'Grateful' doesn't even come close to how an IP feels to read posts like yours.
I am not an expert on the legalities of ED but couldn't stand to see your post just hanging there unanswered! Cindy is a true guru in this area and has written some brilliant information pieces - I'm sure she'll be along in the next couple of days.

[AnyDream]

Well, one of the things I would want to make sure of (if I were to donate) is that any offspring would definitely be able to contact me at a later time if they wanted to. I think this is really really important and because the laws are different on this (state to state) I will research this carefully so that right is preserved by law in the place of donation.

If I've got until 38, I might still be able to skate it in before the door slams shut! I look forward to reading the posts in this thread as this is something I feel strongly about.
:-)

[SuziQ]

Hi again Mary

I will research this carefully

This is so very important for every single aspect of ED. I myself have already had one 'false start' as a donor asked if she could be my ED before she had spoken with her DH. Needless to say he wasn't supportive and I ended up very let down and disappointed.
Thanks for popping back in - the more the merrier and the better understanding of the whole topic there will be.
Cheers

[tiamiami]

Hi ladies..... Well I decieded last year as my biological clock was ticking to go and pursue a fertility specialist and beings that I am single 37 yrs old opted for donor specimen.... What a blessing.... My baby boy arrived on January 5, 2007. I had ups and downs with the pregnancy as I was originally pregnant with triplets and 2 did not make it. I lost the first ones heartbeat at 6 weeks and then the little girl at 22 weeks. I know these things happen for a reason and this is how I get through it all. I have an awesome set of Doctors and family support that is truly amazing. I will oreder the next specimen probably next week. I want Ian to have a sibling or a few which ever I am blessed with. I will start trying with the same donor as I have phoned the company to make sure his specimen is still available and will have it stored at my fertility specialist office. I will be complete with my degree in August so I will start to try in September . Ladies I am so thankful that someone was kind enough and willing to assist me into bringing my little man to me!!! Good luck to you all

[Amity]

Congratulations Tiami. I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your little ones, and I'm very glad you have Ian. Enjoy your new Mummyhood.

I've been investigating donating eggs since I left XH. Unfortunately if you are married, here in Victoria, you need your husband's consent for any donation, even if you are separated.

Bring on 2008 I say!

[SuziQ]

Thanks Tia
It's always comforting to read a story with a happy ending.
Good luck with extending your family.

[~Jo~]

Oh wow what a great thread. I have been so blessed with 4 wonderful kids..id love to be able to help if I could. Must think some more about this. Im 32 now so dont have forever.

Jo

[anney]

Hi all,
It is really great to see this thread here as I have noticed a few people on BB lately using donor sperm.

Marydean, you are right laws and rules across states vary and rules about donation can even vary across clinics in the one state. There is no one place to go to get all the rules. It can be very confusing. Probably the best way to ensure a child born from your donation would have the opportunity to know you, is to do a "known" donation as opposed to an anonymous donation. In an anonymous donation, a donor goes to a clinic and offers their services and will be matched with a recipient on the clinics waiting list. some waitlists for eggs can be up to 5 years long! the recipient and the donor may end up having contact if that is what they both want. In a known donation both the donor and recipient want to know each other and give the child the opportunity of knowing the donor. The closeness of the relationship can vary - I have seen people become lifelong friends or perhaps they may agree to a photo every year. It is up to the people to discuss it themselves. Sorry have rattled on too long. Like you I want a child to be able to meet their genetic mother when they are ready so I am wanting a known donation.

Tiamiami, congratulations on the birth of your baby. you must be very relieved and happy after losing your 2 angels. You are very brave to be thinking about your next baby already.

suziQ, As you know I am in victoria so have seen that excerpt from the legislation before but it always makes me cringe as it reminds me of those terrible stories of people travelling to foreign countries and waking up with stitches in their side and one less kidney!:eek:

Hiya Div, I reckon you will be all lined up and ready to go by the end of this year. You are always determined.

Jo, As a potential egg recipient it is always lovely to see people even considering egg donation, so if you have any questions, fire away.

Oops, almost forgot to tell you a little about how I got here. As Suzi said, there are many reasons why people need donated eggs. My DH and I need them because we met later in life, (he was married to someone else during my optimum child bearing years:frown: ) but we were really lucky to have no problems having our DD when I was 40. Since then we have been trying to give her a brother or sister with no luck. We tried IVF for the first time last year and got pg first go but sadly miscarried at 10 weeks. I am 45 and in Victoria you cannot do IVF with your own eggs after the age of 45 so donor eggs it is. We can't give up yet. We would have had 5 kids if we had met earlier so while our DD is gorgeous we want at least one more.

I joined BB 3 years ago now and started out in the TTC thread and love parenting advice so it is great to be able to contribute to another area.

[~Jo~]

Anney I have a million questions lol...so hope you dont mind..i really wouldnt know where to start. My DH and I have been discussing this at length on and off for the past few months. As an egg donor what exactly would be expected of me? What would I expect to have to go through to have egg retrieval etc? I guess there are no guarantees but what happens if the family unit breaks down and I have been an egg donor....legally where would I stand? I guess there is so much to think of.

Sorry to bombard you. Im interested just I really would like to know all the facts...so whatever information you can give me would be fantastic

Jo

[~Jo~]

Thanks Suz thats very helpful

Jo

[anney]

Jeez SuziQ, poor Jo just asked a few simple questions and she gets a weeks worth of reading homework
Jo, if Sushee pops in, she will be able to give you some specific details aout IVF protocols in WA. the main thing I am thinking is some clinics give you a GA for egg pick up but some give you sedation. Sush would be able to answer that although you are probably not thinking of that level of detail just yet.

[sushee]

Suzi,

I've removed your info posts temporarily. Thanks for showing such enthusiasm, and I do agree about getting the information out there, but I am hoping to work with Cindy on getting some information on donor issues together, and if all goes well, I will post some of it in seperate thread in the coming weeks.

Jo, I can probably help you with information you need about egg retrieval. Each clinic does it a little bit differently, and there's a danger of getting a little overloaded with info that you don't need, but I could probably do a quick run down of a basic procedure if you're interested?

love
sushee

[SuziQ]

Sorry for sharing info to help, I didn't realize that was against the rules
Just wanting people to be informed.
Back in my box now.

[sushee]

Sue,

I was initially only going to remove the links, not the whole thing, because the info was great and really good to get out there, but I promise I'll be posting most of it again soon in a seperate thread.

Please don't go back in your box, your posts were wonderful and well-intended, and your contribution to this thread is needed and much appreciated!

[sushee]

Shan,

I'll try to get the info Suzi posted up and running again asap, just want to get in touch with Cindy (the lady who wrote the info) to see what she has for me to use. I think it's great you're thinking of donating. I'm amazed already at how many women on BB have thought of donating to help someone else conceive.