Just need a shoulder to cry on

[mollygirl1977]

This is going to be more of a vent than a question so please just bare with me. Yesterday was me and DH 5 year wedding anniversary and should have been a wonderful day but instead I spent it feeling miserable and useless as to me its just a reminder that we have now been TTC for 5 years!!!

I just don't know where to pull any more positivity from these days. After 4 AI, 3 IVF stim cycles and 6 FETS - all BFN and am wondering if it is in fact time to listen to my body and call it a day. There is no doubt that DH and I have pretty much had our lives on hold for the last 5 years. Every decision we make about anything is always based on
"what if i fall pregnant" or "lets wait and see if i am pregnant" We are scared to book holidays, scared to spend money, scared to make any real long term plans about anything. I just want a life back.

Fortunately our relationship is so strong and i know how lucky i am to have such a supportive DH but I can see why some relationships could end because of infertility.

Thanks for listening and if anyone has gone through similar thoughts I would love to hear from you.

[Aussiegirl777]

I just wanted to say that I'm listening to you. I don't have anything to add or suggest but I feel the anguish coming through your post. Please try to be gentle to yourself. Take care.

[Jellyfish]

[infinity]

Mollygirl1977 I could almost have written your post myself. I feel so much like you do. My life has been on hold for 4+ years and some days I am so angry about that. Like you I have a fantastic relationship with DH and that is the only thing that keeps me going, but sometimes I am so scared that if it's just me and him will it be enough?? - i feel like i should be happy with what i have but I'm not.

I often think about calling it a day and I am struggling to find any positivity. It's starting to get where I can barely even imagine us having children anymore. But somewhere inside me a little bit of hope keeps nudging me on, it's not there often but it's enough to keep me going for now. I also don't know what i'd do if I wasnt TTC.....

Have you considered talking to a counsellor/psych? I'm thinking about it. It feels impossible but maybe you need to work out ways get your life back and maybe a counsellor can help with this? I'm sure it's completely normal to feel like we do. Maybe some of the ladies on here can give us ideas on how they keep going?

Huge hugs to you - you are not alone in feeling like you do. I feel the same. I will be thinking about you and wishing for your BFP as much as my own.

Do something nice for yourself today x

[Sara69]

Mollygirl,

Sending a big

Have you considered putting TTC perhaps on hold for a year or two - it's such a hard place to be in putting you under constant stress so a break might help. At your age you would have the oportunity to go back to it if you want to after a break. You could even do another stimuated cycle now and put your embies on ice and then have a break with the knowledge that you can come back to them whenever you want to. Wishing you on your journey.

Sara

[~BecD~]

Firstly happy anniversary. 5 years is a big effort, and Im sure there are many more to come

I totally get the feeling of having put your life on hold. I would definitely suggest going to speak to a counsellor, just to give you the opportunity to get all your thoughts out and find out what you really want to do.