Taking your DS to fertility appointments - bad etiquette?

[MummyNaomi]

So today we had our first appt to start the process for baby#2 - Yay

But logistically getting to the appointments with DS in tow is going to be tricky, as if I go before work for bloods etc his child care centre wont be open yet, I really have no choice but to take him along in some cases. Obviously for things like egg collection etc a baby sitter will be appropriate, but as we are keeping our journey on the quiet this time we cant really be utilising this too often without raising people wondering what we are up to (and possibly guessing).

I know its ok with the clinic to take him along (they have a toybox in the waiting room), obviously except for the procedural stuff, but what do my fellow LTTTC'ers think - ok to take him or bad form? I'm questioning more from a 'other patient' perspective...

[~TT40~]

I had an appointment recently where i was the only one in the room without a baby. there were about half a dozen couples all of which had babies about a month old. they were all sitting there chatting and it was like i was crashing their mothers group. it was horrible. i was so angry they were all there, i know they were all there for followups (or i guessed it) but they really could have done it somewhere else. I think that was inappropriate..

BUT.. in terms of a couple attempting baby number 2 (or 3 or 4) and having the siblings there. that doesn't bother me at all. I'd be ok with that.

(GL with TTC#2)

[Janie71]

Personally I don't have a problem with it. When I was going through my appointments before I fell pregnant there were often women with children there. I actually found it inspiring if that makes sense as it showed me that it can work!

I will be in the same boat if we go back for number 2.

GL! Hope it is a short road to getting bubs # 2.

Janie xxx

[Muppity]

I didn't mind at all either.

There were often kiddies about when I went for appointments and like Janie - I found it sort of inspiring and evidence that sometimes it really did work.

There was one woman who I seemed to be cycling with one time who threw a huge tantrum though and demanded that she not be made wait with "those revolting children". Once she was ushered into a room to wait privately the mother and I had a little giggle about how she must be getting a special designer baby rather than an average ordinary revolting one.

[MummyNaomi]

There was one woman who I seemed to be cycling with one time who threw a huge tantrum though and demanded that she not be made wait with "those revolting children". Once she was ushered into a room to wait privately the mother and I had a little giggle about how she must be getting a special designer baby rather than an average ordinary revolting one.

Oh Muppity that is priceless - I wonder if she has discovered the joys of motherhood yet (warts and all)?

ETA - thanks ladies, I do appreciate hearing your thoughts on this Thanks for replying

[onthefly]

I think it's fine. DS has been to our clinic a few times and I've seen others with young children also.

ETA - Mupp!

[Lenny]

It's not poor form at all. I used to see plenty of Mum's and bubs at clinics, and it was nice. After all, kids is what the whole thing is all about. And once we had DS1 and tried again, i always had to take ds1 with me.

And I can tell Ds1 that he was in the waiting room outside when i got pg with his brother! Gross out news for a kid!

All the best xx

[jayejaye]

I think its fine, i took DS to a few appointments, as we were in the same boat as you. I just tried to be respectful of the others in the waiting room, and not be making too big a deal about him or gushing or anything. I do think you have to bear in mind that there may be people there who have been through the emotional wringer, and they may feel a bit funny about it all, so it may be hard for them. Good luck with #2!!

[JBM]

i think it is a good idea for the mums w are still waiting to see that it can work. IVF is such a hard journey to go thru but if you see someone who had a child you think well it worked for her.
but on the other hand if kids are running around being noisy and annoying the other patients who are waiting then thats prob not o.k.

[~ Mylitta ~]

I had the same concerns as you when I had to take DS with me to the clinic. I actually spoke to the receptionist on the phone about it. She put my mind at ease by telling me that lots of woman come back for subsequent children and that kids in the waiting room is very common. She also said that it can be inspiring for other woman to see that the outcome they are looking for is achievable. Obviously in some cases it may not be seen that way by some individuals who may see is as having her face rubbed in someone else's good fortune, but I think that the majority of people at an IVF clinic are very aware of what a gift a child is, and don't begrudge others for being so lucky.

[Now we're 3]

Like the previous posters I actually liked seeing Mums with their kids at the clinic when I was attending as it gave me comfort that it could work and that that those "one good egg"s did exist. There will always be the odd person of two who might find it upsetting but no more than when they see parents with kids around them everywhere they go. I think Mylitta's comment about most people seeing a child as a gift and not begrudging others it spot on. Best of luck. Hope the journey is short. Xx

[Mrs P]

I was one of those who did find it tough waiting with kids in the room, but that was usually because I was an emotional wreck during IVF!
Now I'm contemplating how I will juggle appts myself when we go back to IVF for #2 next year, so it's nice to hear that other women found it inspiring to see kids in there

[Bengal]

It never bothered me, in fact, I think that's the reason we are all there, to have children. So it wouldnt seem fair, that the little someone we try so hard to have has to stay at home.

Watching the kids play kept those waiting room appointments interesting

[Maruschke]

I found it hard. I wasn't jealous and I didn't think anyone was trying to hurt me, but I found the experience rather confronting and was shocked at the depth of my unfulfilled desire for a child. But I was / am struggling with depression, so I guess I am not representative of the general population of women at your clinic. Hope it goes well for you .

[myturn]

I certainly don't resent the women who bring kids - I wouldn't say it inspires me or makes me feel good to see them either - to be perfectly honest - most of the time I have just been thinking about what I am about to talk about with the FS or nurse or whomever I'm there to see - looking at the smilign face or a child makes me smile - but I'm not thinking about the process that has occurred for the child to be there -- cause they may or may not have been through assisted conception -- and they may, or may not acutally be the child of the woman in the room....
I would think that if people are finding it difficult it is more about the head space they are in, obviously everyone who is in the place has experienced similar issues, and - as you said - is it not always possible to leave other kidlets at home.
As long as you are careful and respecful as much as possible - and try to keep the kids quiet (and preferably not with noisy kids videos (as one woman when I was waiting - which was irritating and annoying, cause everything else was so quiet!! - she needed kid sized headphones~lol)
most people will cope - and those that don't - well.... you can't protect everyone in the world....

[Miss_Dee]

I was at the FS this morning and there were 2 couples there both with boys that looked around 18 months old. I didn't have a problem at all. One of them was quite chatty, so I was kept entertained listening to him while DP and I waited for our appointment. I think as myturn pointed out, it's really going to be about the head space people are in at that particular moment.

[MissAma]

I realize this is somewhat of an older thread but l was just wondering about this the other day. On our side l could try and leave DD out of it but somehow 1. I found it reassuring to have her there something like a "proof of concept"; 2. It feels this is a family effort, constructing another IVF baby and 3. The doc liked her and asked to meet her again and said both personnel and patients like seeing IVF proof of concepts l did ask if it won't be harrowing for someone there for a follow up after a failed cycle and his very logical answer was "sure, but as you know, so is going to the mall".