After 2 years, timed sex is soooo hard

[purplemoosemoose]

Ok, I'm writing because I really need to be assured that I'm not alone in this situation.
My husband and I have been trying for 20 months, and next month we're going back to the specialist who will probably be suggesting IVF.
We thought we'd give this month one last bash, and I've been doing my temperature charts, checking my mucus, timing the intercourse etc....
We've found the whole "sex-on-demand" thing really hard the last few months, but this time was ridiculous! There was one occaision (unfortuntly right before my temperature spike) when we physically couldn't actually do it. Both of us felt terrible, but could laugh about it, at least, in the morning.
So, I just want to know that there are other people out there that have had similar issues/experiences?
I'm really hoping someone replies or I'm going to feel very silly........

[nothing2lose]

Hi Purplemoose,

Welcome to Belly Belly!!

Dont feel silly. What you are describing is very common. You are DEFINITELY NOT ALONE!!! At least you can laugh about it. Personally, I think that's a good sign!!

The good news is that if you do IVF there are actually days you arent allowed to babydance!

There are lots of threads in the Long Term TTC areas that I am sure will definitely help you

Look forward to getting to know you better.

take care

n2l

[Marley&Me]

ALL THE TIME!! Me and my DH have been together 10 years, married for 2 and sex has become such a chore! We have been ttc for nearly 2 years now and it has completely killed our sexlife. The romance has gone and it's turned into a purely baby making thing. Hopefully things will change after we get a BFP!

[Joeve]

Yep been there done that....its such a chore and then if you are doing the bum prop up after it feels exactly like mechanical baby making sex!! Hope you get your BFP and it was all worth it xxx

[PumpkinZulu]

Oh yes I can relate! We too were TTC for two years...sometimes I'd just want him to finish asap and have it over and done with It's bloody taxing on a relationship!

[RhiChiChi]

Oh yeah, another one who knows what you are going through. TBH I don't know how we have been doing it for so long. Maybe it has become the 'norm' now?? I hope you fall pg and don't have to worry about it (well unless you decide to have another baby)

[AJC]

Ohhh, I remember those days. Took us 2 years to get DS, by the last 6 months or so the romance (as hard as we tried) was truly gone. Sex was about as romantic as house work. All I can say that it is worth it, you will have your little bub soon, sending you lots of baby dust. We fell pg with DS with help of clomid the month that OB advised IVF was the next step. Good luck !!

[Mildez]

Purplemoosemoose you are definately not alone in this situation. My DH and I were in the same situation. There were months I was ready to leave him for his lack of performance. We actually went for 3 months when DH got stage fright the day before ovulation and O day which is when our specialist adviced us to DTD. I was so upset about it I remember each month crying hysterically and going of at DH for hours (one of our arguments over it stretched to 2am when our attempt was about 10pm) DH said he was so embarrassed about his lidido disappearing on the moment we needed it (it didn't matter how many days we didn't do it before hand in preparation for the more important days. We also had a very loving active sex life prior to this and very few disagreements.

We were trying just over 2years. The first year was ok but steadily it got harder and harder and did put a huge strain on our marriage. This was one contributing factor to going ahead with IVF sooner rather then later when we hit the 2year mark (we knew our problem which was bad tubal disfunction plus I lost a tube due to ectopic pregnancy). The month we did all our paper work for IVF I was so happy. The relief of not trying to time sex was huge. A cloud had been lifted for me (I was the problem as I was so desperate for a baby it was an obsession where as DH was happy to let nature takes its course) The thought of IVF didn't scare me at all and I looked at it with such hope. Anyway all the paperwork was done, I was happy, I felt ovulation and thought what the heck and 2weeks later BFP. I couldn't believe it. So we never did start IVF after all.

Then the best part except for our baby was our sex life was better then ever during my pregnancy. We were DTD more then we were at any stage of our ttc journey. Our little girl is now 3weeks old and I am super keen to be intimate with DH again but I'm still bleeding.

I wish you every bit of luck and success and hope your journey to get your much wanted baby is almost over as he/she is on their way. For us as soon as I did get pregnant our sex life returned to normal or better then that TBH and now DH can laugh over the temper tantrums I had during that time.

[Elocin]

I agree with everything the ladies above have said
We tried for nearly 2 years before starting IVF and I swear, I could've kissed the IVF nurse when she told me to lay off sex while undertaking treatment.

The pressure to DTD on the correct days is enourmous. TTC, escpeically for so bloody long, is so hard as it is. And then to try and keep the romance alive? Pffft.

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I don't have any advice on how to make it any easier... for a long time, DH and I just went through the motions.

I hope you find the IVF process to be a positive one.

Big

[luna moth]

Not going through it now (I barely know what DTD is now!) but I do remember that phase. It's so hard, and the pressure makes it really tough. I tried so hard to pretend, and in my last cycle I had really just about convinced myself that we weren't really trying. I did stuff like buying huge boxes of tampons, and strapless bras, and booking into trips that I wouldn't be able to do if we were successful. I partied like a 20 year old. I didn't talk to DH about my cycle any more, although I was still temping, because I really wanted to take the pressure off him. If he asked, I told him, but he didn't ask much. We were emotionally exhausted, so we turned to fraud. It worked.

I'm not suggesting that emotional fraud will work for you... but I know it is so hard, and DTD does stop being fun, no matter how much you try. Will hurl some baby dust high into the sky, and hopefully it lands on you.

[Ceejelz]

Know the feeling.... It's referred to as a "business transaction" in my house, lol, least we can still have a laugh about it though

[twistie]

you are so not alone on this one. We tried for 4 years and it nearly ruined our relationship. It was horrible. It was only about a 12 month break of ttc ( literally we only bd about 3 times in 8 months) we managed to get our relationship back on track.

I really kinda feel, that its important to have breaks when it gets a bit too much. Do something to spoil yourself and give your body a break sort of thing. I wish you all the best of luck xx

[bellabee84]

defiantely not alone i am at the point where i am so angry that i am not pregnant that i dont want to have sex anymore as it is a chore now and not one that will have a good outcome but its catch 22 coz thats why i am not preggers i dont have sex enough....

[snikkers1]

Yep def not alone know those feelings all to well just as others have said. Take Care xo

[LizLemon]

Man I know that one! I actually found it traumatic in the end, as I was "forcing" myself to have sex when I really didn't want to. Must have been terrible for poor DH.

It was actually a blessed relief when we were told we'd need IVF, as bad as that sounds, because I just couldn't bear to keep doing it.

So you are definitely not alone!

[inday's wish]

Ok, I'm writing because I really need to be assured that I'm not alone in this situation.
My husband and I have been trying for 20 months, and next month we're going back to the specialist who will probably be suggesting IVF.
We thought we'd give this month one last bash, and I've been doing my temperature charts, checking my mucus, timing the intercourse etc....
We've found the whole "sex-on-demand" thing really hard the last few months, but this time was ridiculous! There was one occaision (unfortuntly right before my temperature spike) when we physically couldn't actually do it. Both of us felt terrible, but could laugh about it, at least, in the morning.
So, I just want to know that there are other people out there that have had similar issues/experiences?
I'm really hoping someone replies or I'm going to feel very silly........

[inday's wish]

You're not alone. The pressure is just too much that sometimes we just stop in the middle of doing the deed and cry. It sucks and its so hard to feel this helpless when you only want and wish for one thing and you feel like everything that you are doing is not helping.