I can completely understand your anxiousness. I remember when I first started going to see the specialist. At the time, there was no reason to think that we would definately have to go on IVF - I thought we would just have some in depth testing done that couldn't be done by my GP. But I do remember flirting with the idea of having to go on IVF. Nonetheless, when I found out that I would have to do IVF, I was very anxious. And that anxiety increased (and still is) every time a cycle doesn't work. I am a terrible pessamist and constantly think that I will never have kids. My hubby and our specialists have all been more positive (thanks god) and have, to a certain degree, dragged me through the bad times.
I have done 3 IVF cycles (as mentioned before). I went into the first one thinking that because I had gotten pg on my own a couple of times previously, that once I could get a fertilised egg back inside of me and supported by all manner of drugs that everything would be smooth sailing. Alas I was worng. I went into that first round thinking I was going to come out with a baby. For some women it does happen like that, but for many many others, a few IVF cycles is needed. My advice now, is allow yourself to be realistic about the outcomes. Don't dwell on the negatives, but don't think that IVF will be the answer to all your prayers either. It's just too hard if it doesn't work.
I think there are a number of big things to cope with:
1. the way that IVF starts to rule your life (if you let it). You have to take certain drugs at prescribed times, you have to inject yourself (or get hubby to do it), you find yourself devouring any and all information you can get - and most of it seems IDENTICAL to your situation.
2. the way that all of a sudden, your infertility becomes general conversation for all. Work collegues, family members and friends (all well meaning) will all start to ask questions about the treatments, how are you going, they will be fasanated by the fact that you inject yourself etc. You loose your privacy and I think that you and hubby have to draw a distinct line between what you will talk about and what you won't. After all, YOU don't go around to every female freind/relative you know and ask them about what day they will have sex to get preganant and all the ins and outs surrounding that. It's bad enough that you need medical intervention, without it becoming a three ring circus. I now just tell people who inquire the absolute minimum or nothing at all ("yeah, everything's ok"..)
However, websites like this are enormously beneficial - perhaps something to do with the anonyminity.
3. depending on where you live and the services you have at hand, time management can be an issue. I live 2 and a bit hours from Melbourne, and sitting in a car for almost 5 hours just to go and have a 5 minute scan can get a bit much. But you do it.
4. finally, remembering that although IVF seems to be taking over your life and thoughts, you still have a relationship with your husband and others that needs to be nourished. I forgot about my hubby for a while and, while we did not experience any huge problems, I have been told of marital breakups because of the stress. Try to keep it real. Don't stop living your life just because you are doing IVF. It'll fit in.
At the end of the day, the cost of IVF, the inconvenience of doing the treatments, the impact on your life somehow all gets absorbed and makes you a stronger person.
Happy to talk about anything to do with my treatments (past and future).
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