experience with chinese doctor and acupuncture etc

[Possums]

Hi all....like many of you, I have been using natural /alternative medicines on this journey to try and get all the help I can get!
I've recently started seeing a new Chinese doctor, who uses acupuncture, chinese herbs etc.
Anyway, one of my friends who LTTTC before having her first child, reported big success with this lady, she fell pregnant fairly soon after seeing her. Another friend who is still LTTTC has had no success after seeing this lady for quite a while.
They both warned me she doesnt have a great bedside manner.
Anyway, I think she has NO bedside manner. She has broken English and at my last visit she said to me "you find it very hard to be pregnant right now, energy too low...you should no bother even try...you just waste your energy". I felt like any faint flickerings of hope and positivity I have been trying hard to regain and hold on to, were squashed. I know she is just one lady, but I feel so low as it is, and now heading into my next cycle, I keep hearing her words echo in my head and feel like maybe we are wasting our time. Which is not the head space I want to be in!
I'm not happy with her, but I also want to do anything I can to help and figure she knows what she's doing. She also talked about my blood flow not being good, which is one of the reasons why babies "drop down" (miscarry), because "not enough blood to sustain".
Have any of you had this type of experience, approach? What do you think of this? I guess i need to find a way to deal with her manner if I keep seeing her, and to try and be positive anyway.

[buliej]

Possums - If you were in Melb, I'd swear that you went to my acupuncturist. She has said things very similar (not the same issues, but same result - you should wait, body isn't ready, energy not right, etc.) - I was so upset - given my age, I didn't know how she could say this, and I told her that. She explained a bit about the beliefs of TCM and how she was only saying that my body needed to be ready. In any event, I was so distressed that I almost didn't go back to her - but I decided that 1 - I really think that as far as TCM goes and fertility issues, she knows her stuff and 2 - some of it is cultural and language issues (mine AP is fluent, but her word choices when speaking are sometimes not how I'd say something and sometimes she is hard to understand). She is very blunt and direct, and doesn't necessarily care if she says something I don't want hear, she says what she believes. Keep in mind that if yours shares the same TCM beliefs as mine, they do think that it can take 3-6 months for a body to be balanced - BUT that doesn't mean you have to wait, she should be willing to also work with what you want. For example, mine wanted me to wait but I told her we would be trying naturally (this was 2 months ago) and she said fine, if that's what you want to do (and she was NOT encouraging - she tried to dissuade me over & over) - but she did work with me and adjusted the herbs accordingly.

I guess my point is, if you can somewhat ignore the negativity (which they really don't mean as such, but rather they are espousing their beliefs about TCM and your body being ready) and you believe she is good at what she does, I'd continue to go.

[Cuddlepie]

Possum, sorry to hear that you had such a bad experience with her. But I do feel compelling to write this post and want to say - if you feel that she has any value with regards to her expertise, her knowledge of TCM, go and see her with a single minded goal that she can fix your problem and don't take any negativity of how she worded the sentence.

I agree with Julie, because of the language barrier and culture difference, they can be very blunt and somehow you just need to build a barrier to filter the good and left the bad behind.

Also of knowing a bit more of asian culture, I know it is a common mentality in chinese medical profession, is 'always start with the worst senario' because they want to manage your expectation. Say if they find a tumor on a patient's ovary, they will start the diagnosis with if it is overian cancer, then eliminity down to the next possibilty. So sometimes it can be quite scarey but a bit shock to the system. But I do know that a good Chinese doctor is extremely focused and if the one you are seeing really knows her stuff, I don't see its a negative thing that point out the problem, that means she is able to fix it.

Asking her how she can improve your body and how long do you have to wait. Is she confident that she can fix the problem?

I hope you will get some benefit of seeing her...let us know how you go...

[Possums]

Thanks both of you for the insight and perspective. It's interesting and good to know and understand this is a common sort of approach. I know she is focussed on helping me achieve my goal. I suppose I am just a bit fragile right now and also impatient! Having said that, I am going back to her, because I figure she can hopefully help get my body/energy right. I guess I'll just try and keep hopeful in the meantime anyway.

[Cuddlepie]

I know hun, its hard to deal with any insensitive comments when you feel fragile, but remember to put on your thick shell when seeing her, and also you are allowed to ask her some direct questions that you normally wouldn't ask your western doctors either. Like how long does she think she can fix you to get back to her.... Best of luck hun.

[JBM]

wow glad i'm not going there !!

i have acu in hobart and the lady is the most amazing person, she is honest and caring, even sends me texts to see how each FET has gone.

i wish you could find someone like her.

good luck

[Possums]

Julie- I am really sorry that you acupuncturist is so insensitive and lacking in bedside manner. It is not what you need right now, and as you know,mine has also left me feeling very upset. You are fragile after a miscarriage, especially when it's not your first loss. The grief and other feelings simply compound (at least thats been my experience).
So my advice to you wouldbe to stay away from her at least until you feel a bit stronger. In the meantime you might find someone else. If not, return to this lady and take the good from her, while letting the other stuff wash off. You need to be strong enough to do that though. Thinking of you and hope things feel a bit easier for you soon.

[buliej]

Thanks Possums.

I have thought about this and decided to make a change. I swallowed what she said after my first m/c - and for months I was able to put that aside and focus on her skills (which I do believe in) - but I am no longer able to do this. I just can't go to someone who doesn't understand that less than 7 days after their 2nd loss, it is not appropriate to "blame" them and call them impatient and say that they don't want to help themselves (paraphrasing, but this is what I heard).

I had saved a brochure that was in the chemist where i picked up my last round of ivf drugs of a place that specializes in fertility issues - they do acupuncture and other alternative treatments in for fertility including in conjunction with ivf - they made a point on their website of saying they work with Western medicine and they are convenient (not as convenient, but it won't be stressful for me to get to them, which was my main concern). I hope this is the right choice for me. I figure that if I want to go back to her, I can...but at this point, i doubt it.

Possums - How is your acup treatment going? I also of course hope that you are doing OK - you've had to absorb a lot of information of late. My belief is that now that you have been diagnosed, you will get there - I really do.

[turner]

Hi BulieJ,

It is so upsetting to read that you're not having a good experience. I so agree with you that if it is not right for your head, then you have to change it. This cycle, DH and I threw everything up in the air as we were just having no success and finding that the more our FS put us in the hard basket, the less supportive she was. So we're at a new clinic, I even changed to a new acupuncturist. (I'm in Sydney so can't help there).

We did lots of research on the net and read their websites intently. We have chosen to go with an acupuncturist that has clinical research and studies on their website and just looks really professional. Luckily the staff are just as professional as their look and they really know their stuff. They specialise in IF and have a good programme. Instead of jumping into another acupuncturist, can you do the same kind of research on the net and see what is around? Can your clinic recommend anyone?

Acupuncture really helps me emotionally as much as physically and you have to be relaxed.

In fact, we were recommended a specialist for gyno problems about 2 years before starting fertility treatment. He was the leading guy in the area and we waited months to get it. But he was such a tool. I asked a question ahead of what he was saying and he reached over and slapped my hand and told me to wait!!!!!! Can you believe that???? So regardless of whether he had the knowledge, there was no way I was spending my hard earned money on such a wally!

I think with anything in this process, you have to be happy. Because goodness knows, there are so many other challenges we're up against.

All the very best to you.

[Possums]

Buliej- I am glad you have made that decision and certainly hope the new acupuncturist works for you. I havent been back to mine since my recent diagnosis - I need to check if the herbs etc she gave me are still ok to take (have stopped them for now) but just havent wanted to see her again yet.
I do see someone else, an Australian man who also does chircopractic and energy healing, and I think I might just stick with seeing him. He did my acupuncture with my previous successful cycle, so hopefully he can help me get a BFP again.
Thinking of you Julie... it's a hard time for you right now.

[buliej]

Turner - I did the same (this time for the new one) - looked at the web - This is a group who specializes in fertility - they do acupuncture plus other natural treatments with an emphasis on fertility. Their brochure was in the main chemist that my ivf clinic has us go to for the drugs. I also spoke with their receptionist for a while and picked a clinician who sounded like the best fit from their bios...I cannot believe the dr slapped your hand! what is with these people.

Possums - smart for thinking to stop taking the herbs - it's important to find out if they are contrary to the medication and your condition. Glad to hear you have someone to go to who makes you feel better and not worse - that's really what this is all about isn't it?