feeling very alone, dose anybody else have an unsupportive partner LTTTC?
hey girls xo
just need to talk. my Dh will be over the moon happy to have a baby if it happens! he is so excited when we think we might be having one.
but he is completely unsupportive in my infertility treatments!
he does not ask me how im going with it all, he gets mad if i tell him im having a hard time emotionally and basically tells me i have issues as this should not affect me so much! to relax and if it happens it happens!
well ive done a 12mnths stint of IUI's, IVF,FET and OI and ive had a laparosopy, hystoscopy, tubal flush ect. been told my eggs are running out, ive got a beeped up lft tube and mild Endo.... blah blah, and this man still does not get it.
i have been advised by my dr its safer for me to do IVF with my beeped up tube so i dont get ectopic preg. and because my ovarian reserve is low it would be better chance to do sooner rather than later.
BUT DH thinks mainly about the money!! he has got me onto medibank private with IVF cover but it needs to be 12 mnths to wait!! i cant see the benefit if my eggs are getting even lower by then! i feel like it needs to be done ASAP as my DR says! BUt DH Does not believe this he thinks dr just wants money :-(. despite how long ive been putting myself through all this... doesnt he want it to end for me sooner?? doesent he want to help me????
speaking of money, he tells me he does not want to pay much there either and says we dont have the money when i very well know we do he just wont let me use it, only a little bit here and there! all my money i have made and scraped together has been every single last cent i have.
if i spend too much on this from our account ... (e.g like $300! as opposed to $1000 + i have!!)
he is happy to have a baby if it comes easy. and it is not coming easy :-( I want this so very very much and he just cant understand why i want it so much for some reason.
he does not let me express my dissapointment in a failed cycle. i have to keep it to myself because i know if i do express it it will start a fight which i have no strength left to fight, i hit rock bottom and he just hurts me more by telling me to get over it basically.
he allways says he only has 1 week off home from work and he wont spend it dealing with sh$%.
( He works a 2week shift and he's back for one)
I Just want to move on and leave this TTC Thing behind us!! its not fair that i have to go thru this by myself over and over when all i want is a baby to hold in my arms :-(.... its been 2 yrs since i lost our first prg and nothing but dissapointment since and fertility drugs and life on hold!
now his ex has just announced her preg!... i am so friggin jelouse of her she has his child and now shes preg again to the new guy!! and i dont get told but his son tells me in the shopping center :-(!!.. and my friend who was going thru this with me, shes like 25wks, and his other friends who just had a boy turning 1 now have announced thier suprise new preg.
yeah it sounds like im a jelouse cow... but here is the only place i can say anything!
I really only just wish id get to finally get to be excited about our lil bundles arrival instead of constant let down.
i feel like im stupid not giving up,like i just keep lining myself up to get heartache and dissapointment over and over.
i want it to stop its like a bad dream but i just cant seem to wake up.
no matter how much i say thats it im not doing this any more"... i cant give up on trying to bring this much wanted baby into our lives!
thanks for listening xoxoxoxox
Last edited by sarah4kurt; November 7th, 2012 at 04:23 PM.
As if you didn't have enough to deal with right now!
It sounds like you and your husband might need to take a little time out to talk some things through. Perhaps you're not really on the same page with this, and I think when you're pouring your heart and soul into something that should be done as a partnership, then it's important that you understand each other.
Sometimes it's hard for the partner to understand, because they aren't the ones really doing anything. They can feel left our, powerless and useless. And sometimes they don't really believe that it's necessary. My husband still insists that there's nothing wrong with his sperm.
I can see this is really important to you and I hope that you guys figure this out and make it happen soon. All the best
My DH was very similar in the beginning. He kept saying "if it happens, it happens" and "relax". If I had a dollar for every time I heard these phrases!! Has your DH been with you at the appointments? Maybe your FS could give you some proof of your ovarian reserve etc that you could show your DH. It is very difficult to get them to understand, they just never do and probably never will unfortunately.
I hope he realises the agony of LTTC and it's affect on you sooner rather than later
Oh Sarah, huge hugs darling I have your DH's twin here My OH never initiates conversations about TTC, it's always me. Wen we start new IVF cycles he just disappears emotionally and he doesn't give me support. He recently told me that he's always scared something will go wrong (his ex wife had a m/c at 17 weeks and we've lost our son at 21 weeks) so I guess I can understand his fears. But I wish he could be more supportive and at least show SOME excitement in our TTC journey. I always thought that maybe he didn't show much excitement when we first got pg and then again later, because he's already got 3 kids from a previous r'ship, but he told me he was like this with all his kids, he was always scared to begin with but fell in love with the kids once they were born, and he's right, he is a really hands on dad with our DS. I hope your DH shows you more support hun, you deserve it. And I hope with everything you've been through, you'll get your bubba very soon xxx
feeling very alone, dose anybody else have an unsupportive partner LTTTC?
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My OH never initiates conversations about TTC, it's always me. Wen we start new IVF cycles he just disappears emotionally and he doesn't give me support. He recently told me that he's always scared something will go wrong (his ex wife had a m/c at 17 weeks and we've lost our son at 21 weeks) so I guess I can understand his fears. But I wish he could be more supportive and at least show SOME excitement in our TTC journey. I always thought that maybe he didn't show much excitement when we first got pg and then again later, because he's already got 3 kids from a previous r'ship, but he told me he was like this with all his kids, he was always scared to begin with but fell in love with the kids once they were born, and he's right, he is a really hands on dad with our DS. I hope your DH shows you more support hun, you deserve it. And I hope with everything you've been through, you'll get your bubba very soon xxx
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