Getting Buff to Get Up the Duff

[kerbear]

Helllloooo ladies, been slack in here lately.

I am so close to the double digits just need to focus and get there. Had some teary times lately about it all. Financially everything is not going right and DH is sick still and waiting for next op. I just wish I could pluck money from somewhere and do another cycle now and it's upsetting me so much.
My trainer is on holidays for next 2weeks so self torture is all I have lol.

How are you guys doing?

[nothing2lose]

I am so slack but i need to be in here more than ever!

I think we are only going to do one more stim cycle (with my new FS and new protocol). It will be in four months or so. I desperately, desperately want to lose at least 10kilos (but preferably 15).

Why cant I do this? Why cant I get in the right headspace??????

arrggghhhhh!!!!!!

[myturn]

I sometimes wonder the same thing..... saying to myself... surely if I want this enough, I will do what I need to do...?

I have no answers for you... but (as I sit here eating a packet of pascals chocolate covered marshmellows.....) if this cycle doesn't work .... I HAVE to be in here... and I HAVE to just do it.....

I just don't know how.....

lovely xx

[nothing2lose]

My greatest love is carbs. I have just bought the Carb Lovers Diet book on Amazon. Waiting for it to arrive.
I am sure it is no better or no worse than any other legitimate diet regime. They all work if you follow them. But hopefully it will inspire me to get back on the wagon.

Four fricken months out of my life. It should not be hard. It's only 16 weeks. Why do I self sabotage???

[myturn]

Why do I self sabotage???

exactly the same question I ask myself!!!

in fact, it's the same question I went to the psychologist with.... although we talk about a whole heap of things, my underlying goal with her is to work out why I do this.

not there yet.... but every now and then, I can see glimmers...... I never thought I'd get so much out of it, and was terrified and embarrassed...but it's awesome.

the main thing that helps me though, is the routine... and having a personal trainer....

[kerbear]

Hi ladies, yay I have people to talk to in here again :-).

It is so hard to find the headspace, I think what did it for me was when my FS put me on my meds for 4 mths and told me she wanted 20kgs off by then. I left that office and told myself I had to, I cleaned out the cupboards, joined the gym and got a personal trainer.

Trust me it was and still is do friggin hard but in saying that if I go off the rails I don't stay off I realise I have to just make my next mouthful of food better.

I love carbs to n2l so I still allow myself to have a small bit at dinner and nutritionist has put it in my food plan without me even asking. Everything in moderation as they say :-)

It is a hard hard road that is very emotional and physically painful and frustrating that we have to do it and others don't, but the proud feeling of success is sooo worth it. When you put on that outfit and go omg I do look great makes the pain worth it.

At the moment I am trying to do everything in the next week I can as my FS doesn't want me doing my pt the way I am now when I start my cycle and I am scared. Scared that 1 mth off hard training will make me lose all my hard work and I will lose some of my fitness if I do t get a bfp and go back to training again as ideally I still have 20 more kgs to lose. So if this cycle we are about to start doesn't work I am back to gym in September for another few months till we try again.

Guess I just have to be positive and just keep on top of my food and should be ok.

Oh and completely off topic, my gorgeous husband bought me an iPad 3 for my birthday next week and gave it to me earlier.... Feel so spoilt :-)

Good luck ladies I am always here to chat to :-)

[nothing2lose]

Oh God, I need this thread....

[myturn]

Ha ha!! me too!!!

Hows your week been??? Do you use an app to calorie count or...???? I think I've been okay this week... Was 112.7 just after Christmas and weighed in at 110.2 yesterday.....

i really need to get up and exercise in the morning though!!! that would totally help....

[nothing2lose]

My week has been like the weeks before it...full of rubbish

I am not even trying. But I desperately need to.

[myturn]

Best thing I did was talk to a psych, last thing she said to me that stuck.... as an off the cuff comment was a story about one of her previous clients..... Eating is about control, when things are not going well the only thing you can control is what you out in your mouth.... Reminded me of anorexia and bulimia, realised that I am eating disordered, just like those with other eating disorders I am trying to control things, I feel out of control with everything and my feelings at all over the place, so food becomes the ... I'm going to have it kind if thing..... I haven't got it right every time, but its made me think.
Last time I saw her she left me with only one thing to do re: food.... Just think about how it makes me feel.... When I eat it, right after I eat it, and well after eat it....she reckons that the sweet stuff actually doesn't take us feel good.... And it was such a little thing to do... It isn't hard to just think about it, she hasn't asked me to change, just think about it... Tat seems to have helped a bit.... Mostly I know I sabotage myself, it don't know why or what to do about it.....but I am starting to feel a different attitude appearing since that discussion with her... I still feel negative about whether I can do it, but..... Maybe a bit more hope than before.....

I think she works from boronia as well as mornington and Parkdale where I am going... If you want to see someone sometime let me know and I will pm you her details.

Either way... I wish we lived closer and could exercise together!!! You me and Kerbear the BB getting buff team....

[myturn]

So...... What are we going to do???

I should have been able to lose it this month.... But nah... Nada.... Nothing lost since my last post

its the eating thing I can't manage.... The exercise I do... But I just have no self control with the eating