Will there ever be a time it doesn't sting, or will it just get less stingy over time?
I think you'll find that, for the forseeable future, you should aim for "less stingy" - obviously our paths are different, but we are facing a similar situation, and are discussing permanent solutions so that, like you, no more fear of miscarriage, no more 'am i? aren't i?' stuff. Even though we have E, it still hurts, and sometimes a hell of a lot more than others. i think it comes with the territory of being a long termer - you sort of exist in this head space for so long, where, even though other stuff is happening in your life, your focus is almost always on this end game. and when it's not there, it's like you have to learn to live as you again. not as a person trying to get pregnant, but as you, a strong and wonderful person.

It's never easy to have such a big dream and to let it go. you will grieve - you have to let yourself grieve. you have to grieve the life you thought you'd have, the one that you won't - if you don't, you'll never be able to embrace the life you are going to have. and that life can, and will, be amazing and fulfilling - it will just be different to what you thought it was going to be. you will have bad days, days where your longing for a child are just crazy bad - but they will become fewer and much further apart. and honestly, over the past 12 months or so, i think you've already started this process from what i've seen of you online. you will hopefully hit a point where it's crazy bad moments instead of days, and then those moments become twinges instead of crazy bad hurts. on those bad days/moments, it's ok to hide away, to lick your wounds, to put yourself back together - and when you're feeling ok, get all the bubba snuggles you want/need. it might take a while, but i think you'll get there, and probably sooner than you think - because you have made the decision, it's not been forced upon you, kwim? i know i'm coping better with the idea of no more because i thought it through and came to a logical decision rather than going through it all and realising it wasn't going to happen and having no choice... hope that makes sense!

you are an amazing woman Keike, you will do amazing things. your life may not be taking the turns you planned, but you will make the most of your decision and you will still have a totally awesome and fulfilling life - i know you will. and those kidlets in your life that you love so much, both now (with your gorgeous nephews) and in the future, will be blessed to have you there!

love to you
BG