Results 1 to 14 of 14

Thread: Husband reluctancy

  1. #1

    Default Husband reluctancy

    Hi I'm new to this site, so i dont quite know all the shortened terms yet so please bear with me. My names Helen my husband and i have been trying for nearly 2 yrs. I have pcos and have just completed my first course of clomid. It doesnt look so good at the moment, period due 2morrow, have done a test using fortel, swear i saw a faint line, too scared to hope. Had first child after trying for only 5mths. My question is, has anyone out there had any similar things happen and has anyones husband/partner refused to go any further with treatment as they would probably have to have a sperm test? I think he's just scared, i dont know


  2. #2

    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Beautiful Adelaide!
    Posts
    2,877

    Default

    Hi Helen,

    Welcome to Belly Belly.

    First of all, I hope that feint line you saw gets stronger and turns into a positive pregnancy test for you!

    I was TTC for 3 years with my first. As such, my husband had to undertake a sperm analysis. He was very reluctant at first, and dragged his heals. After a few months of me getting more and more desparate everytime my period arrived, and after me having all the initial blood tests and then a botched laparoscopy, and several "discussions" (rows!) later, he realised how important it was, and admitted that his male pride had been getting in the way.

    (As it was, his sperm analysis was fine.)

    Either way, if we had only talked it over more diligently sooner, it would have helped us.

    Best of luck,

  3. #3

    Default

    Hi, Thanks for your well wishes, u make me cry.

    It is so nice 2 finally have somewhere where i can talk to people going through the same experiences as everyone close to me is extremely fertile. Most accidents or one hit wonders. Nice to hear positive and not the nagging from my sister-inlaw (who complains when she is pregnant, she wants 6 kids, up to no. 4 expecting her to fall preg with no. 5 any day now) asking have you found out yet, everytime i talk to her.

    Thanks for your response re hubbie, will she how i go after the next few months

  4. #4

    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Beautiful Adelaide!
    Posts
    2,877

    Default

    Helen, you have come to the right place for support. The girls here on BB are all very understanding of all the issues and frustrations when it comes to trying to concieve........it'll make you realise you are not alone. Unexplained infertility and secondary infertility are really common. Check out some of the threads HERE all these girls are in the same long term TTC as you....I am sure you'll find it great chatting to them.

    (And I hear you with the sister in law thing........I have one of those types if sister in laws too: drives me batty!)

    Best of luck.....

  5. #5

    Default

    Hi Helen

    firstly welcome to belly belly.. the forum is great and you will get HEAPS of support. My DH had said from day 1, even before we were married and starting ttc and knew i had problems (PCOS) that he would never ever consider IVF... (it was almost like he knew)... well 4 years since we married we are now in the 2 week wait.. after our first IVF cycle...

    I think once he realised that it was the only way we were going to get a child he quickly changed his mind. He is all for IVF and says he would recommend it to anyone who's only chance it is to have a baby.

    He had no qualms about producing a sperm sample, his only gripe was that it cost him $127 and it was the most expensive w*nk ever!!!! (his sample turned out fine)

    I think really it can depend on the individual also.. my husband is accepting to change and happy to hear details before making decisions.. (ie hearing our infertility specialist out) looking back now i think my husband thought IVF would give us a high risk of a down syndrome child.. the way men think.. sometimes it is best not to even go there!!!

    All the best and please come and join us on the forum..

    Love leis x

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    hervey bay
    Posts
    143

    Default

    Hi Helen welcome to BB, my husband was a little bit reluctant to go through IVF and I have never seen anyone leave the clinic as fast as he did after giving his sample but he agreed because of all the tears, as it turned out his sample was not very good so it is both of us with the problem. We went through a ICSI cycle and 2 FET's and he decided that he didnt want to go through anymore he says its because he hates having to plan everything, he says that if I came and told him I was pregnant he would be over the moon ( a bit hard with no tubes) after all that is said and done he has agreed to go ahead with more treatment ( I have just started sniffing) because he knows that this is what makes me happy. Good luck with everything your husband will come around as soon as he realises he is not the only male out there that needs to supply a sample.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    1,244

    Default

    Hi Helen,

    Welcome to BB. Sorry about your troubles but there are many people here who can understand and empathise with you.

    When we were first undergoing fertility tests, my husband was horrified when I mentioned that he would be asked to give a sample. It took him two weeks to get over it. After that he was fine. We had a few rounds of AI so he soon became an old hand (all right, bad term) at the sample thing. By the time our first IVF cycle came around in July, he wasn't concerned at all.

    It's funny how women will submit to invasive procedures, often without much further thought but for some guys, the old sperm in a jar is very hard to deal with. Once they realise what a small thing it is in the face of everything you have to go through, I think it provides the necessary reality check.

    Good luck and I hope your treatment goes well.

    Melissa

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Christchurch NZ
    Posts
    1,447

    Default

    heya helen - i am on round 5 of clomid this round - thanks to PCOS - i hope that you did get a BFP - we were lucky (?) to know about my issues PCOS and endo prior to TTC so were not given long till put on clomid - and DH was a little nervous about the SA - i offered to help if he thought he couldn't perform LOL - but it came back all good - i guess there is some concern for them too if they know that the wee men aren't doing so good - hope it all works out ok...

  9. #9

    Default

    Hi
    I'm hoping that clomid works and we wont have to go any further but I can feel AF coming. Thanks for all your advice re DH's it gives me a lot more confidence when talking to DH again about it.
    Even though it is upseting that AF might wake me up tomorrow i am a little bit glad that it is only a 29 day cycle, my last 1 was 51days, it means I get much more opportunities to get a BFP and dont have 2 spend 20days thinking it has already happened.
    Firemansgirl LOL most expensive w*nk. My DH thought it was funny so I am getting closer and closer to breaking the ice with him gently. Knowing of all of your DH's responses is helping as it is giving me some help with what to say to DH and that lots of men feel this way.
    Anyway many thanks good luck to you all

    Love Helen

  10. #10

    Default

    You might want to tell him this one too ... not only did DH whinge about how expensive it was BUT he said that the 'movie' in the collecting cubicle was so good, that it was a very fast event for him and he was so embarrassed that he hung around for a few minutes longer until he left the cubicle and handed the sample over.. I laughed and laughed and laughed about that one for days... actually when we did our IVF a few weeks ago, he said when he went to do his part, the girl that showed him into the cubicle at the clinic had a wrist gaurd on her wrist.. he thought it was so funny that as soon as he came back to me in recovery after his little event he couldn't wait to tell me about it.. i was on pethadine and totally off my face.. it was really the last thing i wanted to hear then.. but now i do think it was funny.. i wander if she was giving some 'personal service' to specific clients????

    good luck hone

    leis xx (firemansgirl)

  11. #11

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    hervey bay
    Posts
    143

    Default

    Good luck Helen I hope everything works out for you and DH

  12. #12
    *Rach* Guest

    Default

    Hi,
    I joined Belly Belly a few months ago and the support and advise is fantastic, i have learnt so much... I also have PCOS and I have just completed my first round of clomid, i am not getting my hopes up though i will just wait and see...
    My husband is the same, he hasn't even done the sperm test he believes that there is no point we know that the problem is with me, so why does he need to do it... He has the attitude of, "it'll be right" regarding the whole pregnancy thing, which Sh**s me some times, escpecially when i am having the down days when all you want to do is hide and cry.. The worst part of the whole thing is we do not have a very good sex life... he works long hours and is always tired and usually aslleep when i get home from work so when i ovulate I feel like i have to practically beg him, (even though he doesn't agree) I feel so bad sometimes he knows we are doing it for one reason and one reason only... Don't get me wrong he wants a baby as much as I do , but sometimes i feel like he is only doing it to make me happy..
    Sorry for the long post, but I feel better getting it of my chest..

    Thanks
    Rach

  13. #13

    Default

    :smt022 AF arrived.
    Oh well another month of counting etc. At least this was only a 31 cycle. Last was 51 so I have to think postive, at least I can try again sooner than usual.
    I understand how u feel Rach and I sympathise. DH works shift work and we have a 3yr old daughter, and even though we would like it to happen from making love, sometimes it seems more methodical as you know you have to do it even though you are both tired. The main thing is that we both love each other and the baby will be a product of love no matter what.
    Hope all goes well.

    Love Helen

  14. #14

    Default

    Oh, firemansgirl.

    Talked to DH about lastest story.
    Nurse with wristband, DH told me that he would've said something to the nurse. Sounds positive I hope going for that test, if we get that far, will happen rather than him saying no. I think me telling him about other mens stories(many thanks) has made him realise that he is not the only man out there that this has happened to.

    Many thanks

    Love Helen

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •