LT TTC after Miscarriage or Loss #8

[Sunbeam]

Have had massive O pain this evening to the point I had to take panadol and use a heat pack but I can't reach donor boy or his partner on the phone. I was texting her this morning then since I asked about him coming down tonight, nothing! No idea what is going on, don't know if he's just changed his mind about the whole thing or what. I don't know if I can take much more of all this it is all too hard.

[minniemouse]

loops: things are sounding good for you

saffy: for you, i hope you are ok and your holiday away is good for you


craftymum: strange you are spotting mid cycle, fingers crossed that you at least got some bding in and are now in the 2ww

matthewsmum: i have lost track of where you are up to ? last i remember was a natural cycle before going back to ivf


sunbeam: great you had a good time at your party. shame about DD, sounds like you need to sit down and have a chat to him, did you manage to get onto him yesterday ? for you, must be very frustrating

afm: nothing new really, the further i get from the miscarriage the less i want to go back and try again, just don't know i have it in me to try anymore, i will speak to my specialist next week about things and ask what she thinks about our chances of bringing home a baby with ivf and then have a think and make a decision. at the moment im off most of my regular medications i take when ttc and really enjoying not thinking about it all

[Saffy]

Sunbeam- omg thats terrible you poor thing, he shouldn't have agreed if he was ambivalent, i hope you have spoken to one of them. Its a pity you can't just store some in your freezer for emergencies xx

minnie- its a big step to ivf, I guess you will have to think long and hard still about it. I'm glad you are enjoying not taking a handful of tablets a day lol. I am tempted to take opks away with me on holiday ( and hide them from DH), but maybe i should just not think about it. Good luck with appt next week xx

loops-brilliant numbers xx

crafty- thanks mate, thats bad that no one acknowledged your last m/c- at least we all have each other in here. Weird about your spotting, hope it stopped, it hate strange spotting, i wish our bodies would get their act together xx

AFm- hibernating but have to go for a haircut today, my hairdresser knew I was utd cos i went just after I got my bfp and couldn't keep my mouth shut!! Stupid!!

[Loops12]

Thanks ladies!

As Craftymummy says never give up. I wasnt ready to give up completely I just couldnt afford or be bothered with all the stress of IVF. I think as minnie said - sometimes its good to just take a good break from all things TTC related and then get back on the horse a little later - I think that's what we have done

I'm still stressed - had a scare last night - thought I saw some specks of brown on toilet paper and then was freaking out because I also had a headache and cramps but all good this morning. I can't help to tell people either Saffy even though I know it may not all work out but I'm just trying to enjoy this pregnancy as much as poss. I dont want to come at the other end of it and think all I have done is stress about it and not enjoy it. So Saffy I think try not to beat yourself up hun. You've had a BFP so you can have one again, GL.

thanks again ladies

Oh bugga forgot to move sig again - sorry if it upsets anyone.

[Sunbeam]

All about me post alert.

Looks like I have no donor. I finally got them to answer the phone this morning but only because their little son picked it up. She then kept pretending she couldn't hear me properly because the baby was crying (he was only grizzling a bit) when I asked where her her partner was she said she did not know but thought he might be getting ready for work obviously just trying to avoid talking to me. I have texted them both today to ask what happened or why they changed their minds but have heard nothing. So flat and lost

[Saffy]

oh no honey that is *****, you poor darling, I can't believe it!! why would someone do that, they definately owe you an explanation. Oh I am so disappointed for you, how immature, whats wrong with telling you to your face!?!?! Grrrr so angry with them. Big hugs babe xxxxxxx

[minniemouse]

oh no honey that is *****, you poor darling, I can't believe it!! why would someone do that, they definately owe you an explanation. Oh I am so disappointed for you, how immature, whats wrong with telling you to your face!?!?! Grrrr so angry with them. Big hugs babe xxxxxxx

yep that, so sorry hun. what will happen now ?

[Sunbeam]

Lovely Ladies what would I do without you all. (And my P!NK DVD and wine )

I did crash bad this afternoon and got really sad and flat but in true Sunbeam style I have picked myself up and dusted myself off and just know it will all work out. I texted 2 friends to see if they know anyone else I could have as a donor. I know in my heart that it is not the right time to give up I'm not ready to quit yet. This baby will decide who it wants for it's dad eventually!
If he is going to be that flaky after just 2 months of trying then he's not who I want anyway. (Damn waste of a good O though!!)
I will use this time in between to try and shift a few more kilos.

Will add a few party photos to my profile page.

[Matthew's Mum]

hi all,saffy-hope you find your getaway healing,hope your hairdresser was as tactful as possible...sunbeam-sorry you've been messed about...minniemouse-i think it's only natural to have mixed emotions on trying again after heartbreak,you'll know when it's time to stop or until hope whispers one more go...craftymummy-glad your hanging in there too...loops-glad things settled down...afm-trying to decide whether to do fet this month,not in the best head space but giving it another month might not improve my head space,have to make up my mind within the next few days..

[Loops12]

Sunbeam ~ Good on you! Such a great attitude. Sometimes we just need to let go for a couple of days and then take a breather and focus again. Glad you have some more options hun! All the best

MM ~ thank you and all the best with your decision, I feel if you need head space probably best to take it but that's just me. GL hun.

Hope everyone else is good, take care xo
AFM ~ little pea is still hanging in there thankfully, Im booked in for my dating scan next Friday, so hopefully will show everything is going smoothly and perhaps I will be able to relax a little more.

[minniemouse]

Saffy: I hope you have a good time away, did you pack the opt's ?

Sunbeam: I love that P!NK and wine helped you :-) I hope a few new options open up for you. Great pics from your party, lt looks like a good time was had by all, love the cake too :-)

Loops: hope things are going along smoothly

Matthewsmum: I hope things are ok with you, are you having a hard time with the ttc merry go round ? Anything I can do to help ?

I was thinking about what matthewsmum said about me knowing when to stop or whether there will be that little voice of hope wanting to go again, what do you all think ? either feeling comes and goes, how do I know which one is right because I imagine one day I'll feel that's it and maybe another I'll want to go on......at what point do I make a definite decision ?

[Keta]

Hi Ladies,

I hope you all don't mind my joining in here (If you think I am better suited to a different thread thats ok).. If Im honest I have been lurking for a while But I am due for my very first FS appointment next Wednesday and am thinking this is the place to be as I get ready for this next stage. I keep feeling surprised that I am even needing to go (gotta love the 'it could never happen to me" thinking) but its time to accept that things are not right and we are prob going to need some help.

You all seem so lovely and I hope all your dreams come true very soon!

[Saffy]

Keta- you are more than welcome here with us, we need new friends . goodluck with your FS appt, I've done a few rounds of IVF if you want to ask questions. Also, we all thought it wasn't going to happen to us lol xx

Sunbeam- you really are amazing with your optimism. have you investigated donors from the US? ( I had a patient who used this)

Minnie- No, I've made an executive deciosion not to take opks with me, will just take it easy. Also, I've got a bit of pain so don't know when I will be comfortable to BD anyway ( poor DH). I don't think there is always a definate decision, I imagine most people just feel more one way than the other, what does your DH want to do?

matthewsmum- sorry you are finding it hard to know whether to go for it or not, have you decided yet? Sometimes once you start you get more into it! Good luck either way lovey xx

Loops-yay! Best wishes for your scan, I will be excited to come in when i get back and see some good news

Hi Craftymummy if you are lurking

AFM- been getting a lot of abdo pain in the last few days with bloating and wind/ bowels ( sorry tmi), exactly the same as i had after my first D&C, so went to the gp today to get antibiotics. I had a really hard time with pain last time so am getting on top of it asap. Urggh why is everything so hard.
When i get back from my trip I think I will be keen to do another FET, depends when AF comes though, think I'll only be able to fit 1 more in this year. OK friends, see you when i get back xxxx

[Loops12]

Welcome Keta ~ there is a thread - LTTC and Assited Conception. Lovely people in that thread as well. Wishing you all the very best, hope you get a BFP very soon!

Minnie ~ not sure hun, a very tuff decision. I guess you have your other two children to dote on which is great. But I also know the feeling of not wanting to give up. All the best hun, whatever decision you make. Could you say come up with a last attempt date?

Saffy ~ hope you start to feel better and you can really enjoy your holiday. thanks for your wishes xo have fun and see you soon.

[Keta]

Thanks girls
I actually meant to subscribe to the LTTTC and assisted conception formum. Being tired and trying to navigate technology is not my forte! I will head over there! Thanks again and good luck to you all.

[minniemouse]

hi girls,

gosh its quiet in here, i just wanted to let you know i saw the specialist, i took an a4 sized piece of paper with me with questions i wanted to ask.

the short story is she basically said the miscarriages were one of those things and didn't know why it was happening. she offered to do a lap saying that 10-20% of people have a problem there but i think that is more for people who can't get pregnant, not really for those who can get pregnant but can't hold onto the pregnancies.

i asked her what she thought about ivf, she said i could do it if we wanted to but she really didn't think it was the solution as again i can get pregnant and she didn't think ivf would make the difference in them sticking, i declined the lap and said we would think about everything else, so the bottom line is we can go on trying ourselves and hope we get that sticky bub or decide to call it quits, right now we don't know which way we will go

sunbeam: any more leads on potential DD's ?

Saffy: thinking of you and hoping you are having a good time away

loops: if you are still reading how are you going ?

hi to craftymum and matthewsmum

for all

i forgot to say we are going to get chromosome testing done and im also going to get the AMH test done to see roughly how many eggs i have left (shame it can't tell you the quality of those eggs !)

[Sunbeam]

Hi Lovelies,
It is very quite in here.

Minnnie - I have no suggestions for you babe I'm pretty much in the same boat, mc after mc and no explanation as to why. Its good you are getting the chromosomal tests done. Have you looked in to NK cells too, I know a few ladies who have been through here have been medicated for that and successfully had sticky bubs. My FS does not really believe in it but gives me steriods for the 5 days after O to suppress any auto immune response.

Saffy - How are you doing babe?

Hi Crafty and Mathew's mum.

AFM - Well I have found a great site called sperm donors world wide and have contacted several possible donors. I am hoping to meet up with one or two this weekend. With any luck I will be back in the TTC game in the next month or so. I've been up and down in my emotions and tried to start my diet and exercise this week but have no motivation so I'm just going back to my walking and taking care of myself.

[Loops12]

Minnie and Saffy ~ hope you ladies are ok - hugs!

Sunbeam ~ you get a new donor - all the best!

Thanks for the lovely wishes ladies

Scan today was good, exciting but I was so nervous going in. bub is measuring only 6wks 1 day, a little stressed over it because I thought I was further along but then again my cycles can be long and get up to 36days so it is hard to know. I also have a friend that went in for a scan when she thought she was 10 weeks and the same sonographer (or whatever they are lol) told her it only looked like 8 weeks and she has gone on a lot further now. We saw the tiny flicker of the heart beat and it was at about 115 to 120 BPM.