Unfortunately I am home by myself (DP gone fishing, DD at friend's) so I am torturing myself with Dr Google. I have found a new, exciting edition of Dr Google too - it is called Dr Google Forum Posters Edition. It's just as fun, but way more confusing. You get to read 120,371,203,912,093,819,283 forum posts from women across the globe who have endured the same 2ww with varying symptoms and outcomes. If you are in the mood for a mindf*ck, I totally recommend it!!!!
I spoke to a clinic nurse today (couldnt help myself - I rang regarding my latest symptoms) and she said something interesting... She said that 70 per cent of women who are going to get a BFN are already bleeding when they come in for their blood test.
Not sure it pertains to me because I am going in two days early for my bt, but it's something to keep in mind for the future.
As it is, I am 99.9% sure that AF is on her way. Have been cramping all day. Still some brown blood flecks in crinone too.....
Hey Trea thanks for that info..
i have actually ordered the book so should have that by next week..
In regards to treatment i saw Dr Sacks for NK cells and i am in the 75th percentile but he said that he doesnt think that that is the problem and is sure that part can be treated but with regards to my mosaic turner syndrome which is a chromosone problem he seems to think i am wasting my time trying altogether as it is probably the quality of my eggs?
It is so hard to know what to do but in my heart i dont think i can give up yet as i have only found out about the killer cells after my last cycle which ended in BFN but we dont know if that would have made a difference with my first m/c and 2nd transfer where 2 good embies where put back but no result if i was getting treatment for it?
I know i am also probably not wanting to accept that it may just not happen this journey just sucks im not enjoying it at all at the moment trying to clutch onto anything i can.
Hopefully the chinese herbalist who still believes that she can help will be able to help me improve my egg quality and we can get one to stick.....
Hope you having a nice weekend.
x
Blossom – wow, your post was just like you were reading directly from my mind, I am in the exact same mindset as you and have been feeling that way for the past few weeks now. Just can’t seem to snap out of it and it is a really, really huge thing to try and get your head around, that it may never happen. I’m sorry, but I reckon your specialist is a bit of an arse being so blunt about everything. Surely, it is a positive thing that, as you said, you have managed to get pg before and had some good embryos – if I was in your position, I’d definitely be giving it at least another shot with having the NK cells under control. Big big hugs to you hun, I totally am sympathising with you atm.
Williever – wow, how much of an awesome birthday pressie would that be!!!! Hoping it is a great omen for what is to come. As for your hair colour dilemma – my hairdresser has been through ivf herself, so constantly has coloured hair and has a beautiful little 18 month old as a result of treatment so all is not lost, perhaps?
N2L – hey chick, hope you are doing better. That first BFN, when you have pinned everything on, is such a blow. But pooh to the hpt, bring on the BT – loving your attitude!! Please can I have some of that??!!
Loops – woot to the eggie – glad you managed to get one in there and it wasn’t entirely about ttc
Elocin – welcome to our little group, FX it’s a short and sweet stay for you
HI JBM, Kass, Tantee and everyone I have missed, I know that there are loads.
Been very much MIA. As I mentioned to Blossom, I have had a crap few weeks, to the point where I took a week’s stress leave from work. Firstly, I am really really pi$$ed at our clinic as when we got the official BFN from them, I asked to make a followup appointment, to which my nurse said that they would have a meeting about me first, then make one. This was three weeks ago and STILL no appointment. I will be ringing on Tuesday (public holiday here tomorrow) and putting on my cranky pants. I can’t move on from this cycle until we’ve had that followup because I am so concerned about what happens next. Nobody at my clinic knows what went wrong and if they don’t know what went wrong, how can they put a decent plan of attack in for next time? Which is June/July. It’s really got me thinking that we may never realise our dream. DH doesn’t even want to try again – I’ve convinced him to do one more but is that enough? I don’t know if I’m quite ready to give up and this has been the first time we haven’t been on entirely the same page throughout this whole process. We have already agreed we don’t want to go down the donor or adoption route as its just not for us.
A friend of mine is going to Repromed in Christchurch and was telling me about their success rates, supposedly some of the best in Australasia and am very tempted just to go there and get a second opinion. Though it will mean a 1000km round trip for us each time. Have any of you ladies changed clinics at any stage? I’ve got the guilts even thinking about it, but as this friend said, nice dr and nurses do not necessarily equal baby. Which is so true, but then there is this other voice in my head going on – in my job, I have to deal with my nurses on a fairly regular basis which I would feel really awkward about if we do change – aaaarrrrggghh so much to think about. I really don’t know if I’m coming or going right now which is why we REALLY need our followup appointment.
Last edited by *beannaithe*; March 20th, 2011 at 04:49 PM.
Thanks Mel! It would be a great Birthday pressie, but trying to keep that added pressure off...We will seee how that goes.
As for changing clinics. I don't think any of us should ever feel guilty for that. This is a big money making thing for clinics around the world. I acknowledge that they do care about getting us our babies, but it still makes money. As with anything you should be able to shop around. When I was researching ivf (man how far back that was!), it was one of the top tips - shop around and don't feel guilty about it. The writer was very sure that you should look around and find a clinic that you are completly happy with.
We are paying top bucks, but I am completly happy with the clinic. I know some some horror stories from back home (UK) so the clinic was a very important decision for me. DH was happy for me to make that decision (surprise, surprise).
Whilst living in Dubai a friend of mine travelled to South Africa for her ivf cycles (not succesful, but she has two bubs now). So I suppose no distance is too far either.
I've waffled on a bit...sorry x
Hey Melissa we have been to 3 clinics prior to this one... the first i didnt like the specialist and if we hadnt changed we would never have found out about my problems.! The second clinic was great but we couldnt go any further with them and once again they found things the first didnt but they didnt find things that the other clinics have since!
The clinic we are now at is due to Donor sperm and the legalities but my FS is the best i have been to and i believe that if i am going to get pregnant he is the man for the job! He really pushes the boundaries and isnt afraid to let me try new things and they ran tests on me that the other clinics have and we have found out things that we would never have known had we stayed.
I tell you my gut was what i listened to and each time i knew it wasnt right or i didnt feel comfortable!
I say go for a 2nd opinion because you never know and you will rebuild those relationships with the nurses.
I travel from Sydney to Brisbane for treatment each time so it can be done.
Good luck with your decision and i hope you start to feel a little better soon.
I have chatted to DH tonight and we have made some decisions and feel better already so set to try again beginning of May.
x
Hi all
Happy Monday!
I am on my way to bt before work. I hold out zero hope. The cramping has gone but there was a little blood when I wiped this morning. I am pretty sure the only thing holding back the AF floodgates is the crinone. At least I will be out of this misery in a few hours. Unfortunately I will be smack bang in the middle of a new kind
I am interested in what you girls have to say about the nk cells. I have not been tested for that or anything else like that. Do you guys recommend I ask fs for a new round of tests? What should I ask for?
I always assumed I was my weight and lining issues that prevented pg but perhaps it is something else???
I realize my last few posts have been all "me" posts. I am sorry I have been so self centred. Please be assured I have been thinking of you all...I promise I will be back for persies x
You sound like you have been on such a long, hard journey to discover what your issues may be and I was not aware you had a chromosonal disorder. I truly hope that with your donor, your NK cell treatment and herbal treatment that you will get you BFP!! I know it is hard to keep going and not give up. Sometimes just stopping for awhile is necessary but I know in the back of your mind you can never really stop thinking about it. I'll be stalking this thread, looking out for good news from you in the near future and when it happens all the tears, sadness, frustration, anger and fear will go away. You will never forget how it felt but it will seem like a world away.
N2L- don't stress about your posts, its hard when you are in the tww, of course you are worried about everything. Sorry AF is coming, nothing i can say to make it better i know, xx
blossom- I think you should try again too, anything can happen xx I know that FS's get stressed about our age, but you nearly made it before and if they are overcoming the NK cells, you should give it a go. Best of luck xx
Melissa- its your journey, don't be afraid to get a 2nd opinion, and changing clinics will all be worth a small amount of awkwardness with the nurses if you get a BFP!!! I am thinking of changing clinics too if this cycle doesn't work xx
WillIever and Elocin- I am probably transferring on sunday so see you in the tww!
Hi kass, trea and 1moreplz ( if you are still lurking)
afm- EPU tomorrow, had a terrible weekend with DH being a *can't think of a non swear word but you get the picture*, so sick of his moods before ivf procedures, I can't afford to stress about it though, spent the whole weekend wishing I had a supportive partner, even though he would think he was.
Thanks girls for all your support and kindness i have had such a horrible couple of weeks i have never felt so low and beaten... Back to the gym today so hopefully i will start getting back to my oldself soon?
I have been unable to get my body temp under control due to the hormones i am struggling big time just break out sweating constantly and i mean dripping its just making me go mental and i get so embarrassed and uncomfortable so once i get that back on track hopefully ill start to feel myself again.
Hope you all having a good start to the week.
x
I have been MIA the last couple of weeks feeling a bit down after last cycle. I have been following you all though, and sad there are no BFPs to celebrate. Boo.
I thought i would be in the TWW by now, but something funny is happening - have had five blood tests this past week, and yet to ovulate. Which means i would be having a 34 day cycle (so far) which just never happens. I am regular as clockwork, 28 days. The last stim cycle has obviously been a shock to the system. The nurse said one more test on weds and if nothing is happening, then cancel, and try next month, which in reality will only be a week and a half away. I confess i secretly hope to cancel, because i dont think i am in an emotional state to have another BFN so soon after the last one. I guess wait and see on weds. Hmmmm.
N2l - so sorry for your Bfn hun, hope you are ok.
Blossum - my old TWW buddy, so sorry things didnt work out for you this time. Hugs to you sweetie.
Williever - good luck with your transfer! Everything crossed for you!
Elocin - same for you, you go girl.
Saffy - good luckwith EPU,hope all goes well and you get lots of good 'uns.
Big hey to everyone else who is counting days, jabbing, sniffing etc....!
P.s.am watching sami lukas's show and hmmmmm, not sure about her?
Last edited by jayejaye; March 21st, 2011 at 08:54 PM.
Melissa - have you been able to make an appointment yet? sorry you havent been having a good week, hope you feel more on top of things soon.
Blossom - glad you've decided to try again. I hope the nk treatment and herbs will make the difference next time.
Saffy - hope your pick up went really well today!
Elocin - how did you go yesterday? Hope you get good fert results today!
Jayejaye - hope your cycle is back to normal next month - I'm also a 28/29 day person and I hate that ivf can affect that. What day did you do your first Bt? I've started doing mine from day 10 as I usually o pretty early - is it possible they've missed it?
Hi williever, jbm, loops, tantee, 1moreplz, albi, and anyone I've missed (sorry!)
Afm - Bt tomorrow - hopefully everything is as it should be - jabs are making me sleepy and I'm ready to stop them now!
EPU went well yesterday, they retrieved 8 eggs and I've called the clinic this morning and 6 of them have fertilised. I *hope* they are good numbers!!
Kass, GL tomorrow with your BT. I was the same towards the end of the jabs, very sleepy and very over it.
Jayejaye, I hope your results get you exactly the outcome you want
Blossom, I hope you're feeling like your old self again soon. There's nothing worse than feeling crappy.
N2L, big hugs honey
Saffy, I hope your EPU has given you some big, juicy numbers. Look after yourself.
Melissa, sorry to hear you're not having a great time at the moment. If you're not happy with your clinic, definitely try and find someone else. I changed FS' after getting absolutely no help from my first one. There was no communication after my diagnosis of hydrosalpinx... she said to me 'go and have a chat to your husband and let me know what you want to do'... ummmmmm, no lady. I'm paying you the big bucks to tell ME what to do. And honestly, my new FS is fantastic. If you don't feel comfortable, walk away.
Willi, how are you feeling in the lead up to Thursday hun? What a wonderful birthday it will be.
Hi to anyone else I've missed.
afm, I'm still feeling a bit sore and sorry for myself after yesterday. Still getting some bright red spotting and I find it hard to sit down for too long. Thanks goodness I've taken today off work as well.
Just wondering, did any of call the clinic between finding out about the fertilisation and transfer to check on the embryos? The scientist just said to me this morning 'ok, see you Saturday'... can I call again on Thursday to check on my babies??
First BT was on day 11, which i would think is ok. Normally ovulate day 14 previous FET's but who knows what the stim did to me. So today is day 19. As i said, i am not too fussed if cancel. Still a bit fragile emotionally. I hate how people ask how you are going and think that you should just be able to get on with the next cycle. And this time, i even had a "at least you have DS" comment from someone. I felt like saying "yes, and also so lucky to have such a pain in the arse like you for a sister in law". Ha ha.
Elocin - they are awesome numbers!! Congrats, totally ok to call the nurse!!!
The scan today showed the embryo had grown but didn't have a heartbeat. I'm booked in for a currette on Friday. Although I was prepared for bad news I still can't believe I'm going through this again.
they just don't get it, do they? Hope he behaves himself over the next couple of weeks without too much of a song and dance!
Hope you had a good night
xx
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