thanks sushee, you make me feel so much better.. even DH was thinking i was loosing the plot, but why can't i grieve, they were our bubs, no one elses...My girlfriend who is also a nurse said to me, "well you know I don't mean to sound cruel, but really they are only 8 cell, embryos" #@*$!!!! Yes this may be BUT they are the combination of DH's and my bodies.. they are US!!!

I know this sounds silly but one of my bridesmaids is getting married next April, and I am refusing to go to the wedding. We have booked our trip overseas to coincide with her wedding. (excuse) I just couldn't stand going back to the town I grew up in for the wedding and having all these people around me that I have known for years asking 'so when are you having children?" Sometimes when people ask this I feel like turning around and saying "Never, as i had a radical hysterectomy when I was 17 and unfortunatley we will never ever have children" Is this nasty or is this "I'm just so freakin' feed up I just want people to go away and keep their noses out of my business" gosh i am bitter....

Another girl at my work said, 'But what if you will never have children what will you do, as this is a possibility?" She is pregnant and i felt like turning around to her and saying "what if you find out at 6 months the child you are carrying is Down Syndrome, or has some major birth defect that will be detrimental to it for the rest of its life, as this is a possibility you know"

OK.... i am going over board here, time for me to go down to the shops and do some RT.. it is badly needed.. thank goodness my telstra shares payed dividends the other day... money... mmmm

thanks for hearing me out.. i may sound bitter but i guess it is just coming to terms with all the infertility cr@p

love and hugs always

leis xx