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OMG Murraycod. I can't believe I only just came into this thread. I am so excited for you and I so knew those cramps must have been a bubba making a nest :leap: :leap: CONGRATULATIONS will save the huge bit for when you announce it. Maybe the clinic was not so pleased as your BT isn't due yet. But what the h-ll I couldn't wait either if it were me. Gee I have a job to get to 10DPO before POAS. So excited for you.
Ferrals Oh dear I can't believe the FS didn't mention anything before now. Gee I'd be ****ed of also. Maybe have your DH start a sperm diet now as results can drastically improve in a few months if its caused by lifestyle. I still have the box of menevite I brought for my DH from over a year ago thats still not finished as apparently his SA is fine although I know its not. Grrr its so frustrating. I still think some FS especially male ones work on the co.ck theory (of blame the woman) I hope you get some answers soon and another BFP. It is so frustrating. Makes me wonder even if we get another baby if the damaged caused from this will ever be repaired. Seems to add scars so deep that I wonder if we will ever heal. Arrrr why is it so hard when its so easy for most people?
Thank you girls, you have all been my rock through all of this, I would not have been as sane without you all, (have had my hissy fitts shared too X)
It does not feel real yet, has not sunk in. I guess you all sadly know how quickly things can change, so I am very apprehensive about this.
I will get Monday done with, to know my beta will give me more confidence I'm sure, but there is still a road ahead of me yet.
I am throwing a party on the inside, but have my poker face on still.
Love you all, I know you won't mind me hanging out for a bit here X
Thanks to the Mod's for making this new forum, there is a close family here, and it feels safe X:clap:
Ferrals, thanks for the email, talk to you after X
Mildez, thanks for your encouraging words as of late, it really did help X Roll on Monday!
Sunbeam, Darling we have known eachother for quite a while now, and there have been so many upps and downs in-between, honey thank you so much for being so strong, I have looked up to you through many of your journeys, you are one tough girl X
If you do decide to get this biopsy done, I say 'you go girl', yes it hurts, but hey, for 10seconds max, your tough anyway, dunno why I'm worried!!XXXX And if you do head to the IVF road, honey, hold on for the ride, it ain't that bad X
:D Saffy, thanks sweetheart! XXXXX Love to you, and will be constantly keeping an eye on how you are X
Crafty MUM, I never thaught id be able to ever share this day with so many lovely friends here, and you, you have given me such gracefull advice and your encouraging PM's ...well, they are my favorites!! Thank you for being there through all of this X
Jilly, Wow, I remember when we first met in the IUi thread, was pretty quiet in there hey!?
Thank you so much for your support, from the beginning, I appreciate it very much, and hope to be congratulating you soon one day. Please do join this thread, I have never met such a great bunch of girls in my life, to share this journey with X
Alice, I totally LMFAO about your buiscuit comment in the other thread!!!! Oh to laugh again!!
This will be you next month, I know it, and I am going to be there for you every single day through this, just as promissed, not too long to go now XXX
And thanks, for just being a friend too, it has been great that we now know eachother, and will keep in touch X I will be lurking and supporting you every step of the way X
Porche, Sevie, Trea, love to all of you girls, I hope I don't annoy anyone if I hang around a bit more untill I feel confident about this XXXXX
Ferrals sorry to burden you but I have just emailed you I need some advice !
To you other ladies I am not having a good time I got intouch with another FS to see if I can get some help at 45 and basically they told me 1% chance of a live birth at my age and thats if I manage to get UTD !
I think my time on here will be coming to an end sorry ladies ! I have to deal with this news !
Crafty- i emailed you!
Sunbeam-when you put it that way it does seem better the FS did say we can still get pregnant naturally it might just take time.
Time we dont have.
Thanks i feel a bit better.
Murrycod- i emailed you also couldnt talk to much DH and i just had a huge fight he is devo at his sperm not being so good i will tell him what sunbeam said hope that helps.
I have googled heaps.
For instance, Sydney IVF consider between 2-5% normal morphology to be normal, whereas some clinics using a different grading system consider anything over 15% to be normal.
If motility, volume and count is all good, which his is great then we should still be able to get pregnant we fell pregnant easy with Abbi and he had the sperm test done in august last year when still smoking he has been on coq10 and menevit and chinese herbs since september last year and not smoked for ages so i think if he did a repeat test it could be better now and the FS didnt want him retested so i asume she is not worried i am just so down in the dumps what else do we have to endure before we have a baby,
A loss at 19.5 weeks.
Hospital accidently destroying Abbi's only birth photo's
A 1 in 4 chance of our next baby having a genetic condition
Failure at PGD IVF our one good embryo effected.
The government removing medicare rebate to help with PGD cost's
And now DH has a morphology issue.
When is our luck going to change.
O O O O OMG Murraycod Congrats!!!! I am over the moon for you. Bring on triple numbers for your beta Monday.
So stoked!!
Cheers
Oh Ferrals I'm so sorry about your news. I agree with your comment about different clinics having different gradings. It make sit all so hard. Surely they could extract the good sperm and go from there? I'm sorry I can't be of much help. I'm not quite up to all the sperm morf stuff as yet.
MurrayCod I would love to hear of your updates. Gives me a little hope.
Crafty :hug: I don't know what else to say.
AF-here right on Q day 27 i am going MIA for a few days to spend some quality time with DH we need to rethink this whole baby thing i am worried it is effected our marriage and we both are crazy about each other i wont let this come between us i can feel the stress and tention and our fabulous sex life has turned into DTD on Q timing BDing making a schedule for sex.
My man is more important to me i will be back just need a few days.
Crafty - so sorry :comfort:
Ferrals4 - I'm so very sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I know that this LTTTC thing is a hard road of us all but I must say that anyone who has suffered a late loss and can even manage to get out of bed each day is just such an inspiration to me. My sister lost her little girl at 38 weeks and her strength and resilience just astounds me to this day. They were lucky to have a beautiful 2 year old girl at the time but she had to have a partial hysteroctomy (spelling??) so no more children for them and the way they handled it, with such dignity, inspires me.
She, you and so many of the women here who have been through losses like this deserve to have only great things happen in their lives. I wish you the very best.
Cheers Trea
Hi ladies,
Just a quickie i emailed my old FS with my concerns on DH sperm here is her reply.
HI Sandra
Sydney Andrology use WHO strict criteria- normal in our lab is 2-6%. So perfectly normal.
Regards
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ferrals I know how hard it is but its just statistics My DH had only 1million sperm on a count and after washing and so on well it was hardly anything, We did IUI with donor in the end BUT later 3yrs later we concieved my daughter,then my son and then we went on and on so something changed , I know he would never have such agood count as your DH so try not to worry, You know I think half our trouble is we TRY TOO MUCH ! I know we do and its not good all this waiting and trying and wondering why it doesn't happen I am the same constantly thinking about it and now begining to doubt my DH and his count too !
WELL I DID IT THANKS TO YOU FERRALS,
Well I did some soul searching and had a good chat with DH ( well I was in tears beside myself sniffling you know the usual,can't cope with this anymore ) Anyhow I had spoken to A clinic in North Perth and they agreed to see me even though i am 45 my past history of having kids helped I think, anyway my referal letter has been sent by my GP and I have an appointment on the 17th June to see them, so fingers crossed they will be able to help me get UTD don't care what I have to do or take just know I have to give it a real good shot before I give up and my inside voice is saying I can do this I just need a bit of help as my time is running out monthly !
I know its a long shot but hey none of my kids have ever come to me easily so this next one will just be that bit more difficult to acheive but I will do it !
Murraycod great news about the darker line I knew you could do it !
My lovely ladies,
What a roller coaster this all is!!
Crafty - So glad you are not leaving or giving up, well done for sticking to your guns and finding someone to help. I will have everything crossed for your appt on them 17th.
Ferrals - I know I keep coming back to it and I don't mean to keep harping on but if the morphology is really what is stressing you out and you think is stopping you getting pg then IUI really might be the answer as DH's sperm will be washed all you'd be left with are the good ones. As I said thats 20million great little swimmers (which is 14-17 million more than I ever get and a gjillion more than Crafty was getting and managed to make heaps of babies from!) I do totally agree though your relationship has to come first and i know it is strong so you will get through what ever you both decide.:hug:
Murrycod - do not think you are getting away that easily!!!! If I get to IVF I won't just be holding on for the ride I'll be looking to you to hold my hand every step of the way. ;) Good luck for your betas, sounds like you got a tough little snuggler in there . I've decided to ask not to be told mine next time so I can't obsess about them.
Hello lovelies,
MurryCod - thanks for your lovely post - you made me feel so welcome in the other thread, I will always be grateful you have such a kind and gentle way, it's been great sharing this time with you even with all the ups and downs. I hope your BETAs are awesome on Monday! You've given me some confidence to POAS when I do my next go - I've never had the courage to do it and I wish I'd done it last time just to have that stick that said PREGNANT! I know you have lots in front of you but you can do it, like Crafty said, one step at a time and looking forward to being able to do the proper big cheer for you Monday.
Crafty - so proud of you for being proactive! I feel exactly the same - you just have to do everything you can so if it doesn't happen, you know you've done your best. I really can't see why it wouldn't happen for you - your cycles are much better now, you're being careful with your diet and like you said, you've been through plenty of hard times with your other babies and there was a time you thought you might not have any so I think you're going to get your bub, I really do!!
Ferrals - agghh - soo frustrating! The TCM I'm seeing says that most of the time the clinics don't pay enough attention to mens sperm (like Mildez said - the co.ck theory) and that a lot goes undetected (she only trusts SIVF for sperm analysis). BUT, great that your DH has so many good swimmers!! And you have both been addressing lifestyle issues so hopefully that will be much improved by now. Agree you need to look after your relationship number 1 priority - no matter what else, you have each other and that's a blessing you have to protect.
Mildez - just wanted to give you a cyber hug. You've been through a lot already but you'll get through this and while some things will always hurt I hope you won't have any scars you can't heal
Trea - that was a lovely post and I couldn't agree more. Your sister and BIL sound like amazing people. Thank goodness they had their DD but that will never take away their sorrow at not being able to have a sister or brother for that little one I know.
Sunbeam, Porsche, Saffy (yah, you found us), Jahazra, Jilly, Sevie - hello to you lovely women.
x
Morning girls,
Crafty-Good to here you are sticking around like i said before the docs give you a 1% chance of getting UTD but that is statistics we know of plenty of women over 45 who get pregnant we all have friends of friends over 40 pregnant and we all have stories of older women pregnant over 45 so you will be one to add to those stories.
And to be honest with you if it doesnt work at least you know you gave it your very best shot if you didnt try you would always be saying to yourself WHAT IF! and would have regrets the rest of your life so good luck for the 17 of june.
Sunbeam-I asked about IUI but the FS said with our genetic issue she wants us pregnant A.S.A.P so we can get bub tested quick because if it is effected and we have to terminate and try again we need to let my uterus settle down after a D&C and that can take a month or two so she wont do another cycle straight after a termination so she wants to hurry things up which is good for me.
Alice-DH has started taking sperm max now LOL.
AFM-well i looked into it a bit more and after DH sperm was washed he was still left with 117 million and 93% motiliy so i guess that is why they are not concerned and SIVF go's by statistics and they said DH is spot on normal with all the sperm testing they do and have done over the years my new FS just said it would take us a bit longer to fall pregnant naturally so i am not going to worry to much just cross fingers they can get me into my IVF cycle at the end of june come on the 22nd and pray my E2 nad FSH are good.
Be back later.
Thanks for the support Ladies,
I really appreciate it as with me being on the older side sometimes I wonder if I am asking the impossible then I remember after my son was born via IUI with donor sperm my gynae said ( don't bother with contraception there is no chance of getting pg naturally ) well we had 7 kids starting 3yrs after that was said to me and we were both 30 by then !!! Miracles do and can happen and I am asking for just one more but because I can't afford to mess around for another 6mnths I decided to try get some help now while I still have a chance. My worst fear is I have tests and they say sorry no more eggs but I feel if I am still having regular cycles then surely I have some left
Alice thanks so much for considering me when you thought of your SIL it really helped me make my decision and get my arse into gear so thanks for that,
Ferrals as always full of good advise and its so nice for someone to take the time to think what they would do if they were me so thanks for that, and I am sure your luck is about to change you will get UTD quickly and with a un affected bub and have a long happy and healthy pregnancy I just feel it !
Sunbeam did you ask about your NK test yet I think you need to with what happened you got pg quite easily I think so maybe like murraycod all you need now is the antibiotics seemed to work for murray !!
Lastly Murraycod how you feeling? bit scared I guess over mondays BT got it in your head something is wrong ah I know what you must be going through but you have to remember what I said last month about the light at the end of the tunnel well my dear yours is there and only 35 wks or so away how exciting I just know you will be ok !!
Must go now school run to do and the cupboards are bare !!! must be friday again !!!!
Speak soon !
Ferrals fingers crossed you will start jabbing away in June!!!! I have a good feeling about the new FS you have, good on you for being proactive with this new news XXX
Crafty, hang in there, I know you have the strength too X
Alice, thanks XX You have been a great support holding my hand through this XX
I feel great today, no cramping...nothing! Just feel like there is a grain of rice or something stuck in my uterus but thats about it!!!! Have been drowning myself drinking so much water to hold off OHSS, and think it has finally worked, now just need to get Monday over with and I can start to enjoy a bit more!
back to work for me tomorrow night, am going to have to concentrate on taking it easy, and not lifting anything/anyone heavy. I don't wan't to tell any of the girls at work, but I think it is going to be completely obviouse when I'm not the crazy workaholic zooming around doing everything like I normally do.
ooooooh Murray Cod, it all sounds very positive! When I was preg I remember insisting that my AF was coming several days before the BT was due...The HPT came back + and the AF feelings carried on the whole time- 12 wks! good luck good luck good luck good luck!
Thanks Alice for your positive pick-me-up. I sososo hope the same happens for me, but i can't help but quietly dispair at the thought that it won't. It's so exhausting isn't it!! (in my head more than my body!)
To all the other lovely souls on the thread, a hello and a huge hug to you all.
It's very quiet in here ladies - the other thread exploded while I was away but not much happening here. Hope you are all well and just enjoying some down time or busy with fun things.
Sevie - It's hard not to despair when you've been through disappointment and heartache - I hope everything works out for you with your DIVF - where are you up to?
AFM, While I'm trying my best to do everything I can, and mostly keeping positive, I feel like I will never be a mum and it breaks my heart. I feel like my time has passed. It's just hard to stay hopeful. And somehow much easier to be hopeful and positive for others than for myself because I am so used to everything not working out. But feeling very tired from a weekend in Melbourne for my niece's 1st birthday so maybe I'll feel better tomorrow after a good sleep. She is such a little sweetie, I feel lucky to have another niece after all these years but wish the family gatherings could be ours for a change.
night everyone - hope you dream good dreams x
Hi Ladies
MurrayCod - Good luck for your BETA today. I think we know what the outcome is.
Alice - I know exactly how you feel. I had a meltdown on Saturday and I told DH I wasn't doing any more meds and I was over the whole thing. That was short lived. It's very hard to stay positive when all you get is disapintment after disapointment. I've been on clomid for 8 cycles now and all I have to show for it is a M/C. I know in the end we will get there but it's so emotional. I guess I've written this cycle off already because I know that we'll be starting IVF very soon. If my IVF FS had been back 1 week earlier we would be doing it now. He's back this week a week early but I miss out by 1 day lol. Ahh well June 20th will be here soon enough.
Murraycod just wanted to pop in and say yeah for it finally been Monday. Praying hard your Beat's are fantastic which we all know they will be from your POAS's!
Ferrals thats fantastic motility and a great number when your DHs swimmers were washed. Hope your next BFP is just around the corner.
Sorry about the lack of personals I have hardly had any sleep. I feel so blurr.
Hey girls,
It must be the week for meltdowns i had one last night told DH no more i just cant handle anymore bad luck and disapointment i feel like if we didnt decide to have a baby together we would not have lost Abbi and gone through this whole nightmare and we wouldnt have broken hearts that we are desperately trying to fix it has been two years since we made the decision to have a baby and here we are broken hearted and desperate for some sort of normality to return to out lives.
But i also feel blessed to be a mum of three beautiful boys and being here having met you ladies brings home that there is ladies out there that will never be a mum so today i will stop feeling sorry for myself and keep going.
Murrycod-bring on the twins!
MurryCod - looking forward to your post today :)
Just popping in to wish Murraycod all the very best for today :hug:
Thinking of you !
xoxo
Just lurking to see how Murraycod's doing :) Bring on the beta's!
Murrycod- you should know by now you are killing me with suspence!!!!!!
Me too!!! xxoo
Lol:rofl:
LOL! I'm checking back too, hope everythings ok! Speed it up girl!
Murraycod...me too!
Alice, thank u so much for your kindness. It's a strange thing, this world. After this whole ttc and infertility experience I'm not really use to people asking after me and encouraging me so much. People do, especially at work (midwives), but friends in my 'outside' life struggle with it quite a bit.... so thanks hon. I cannot agree with you more about feeling that you sincerely will be the last woman left on the 'mummy-2-b shelf'! It's surreal and so unexpected. I can picture myself having a child...but then I feel like I should shake myself as it simply may not happen. But I pray it will.... for all of us.
Ferral4, Porsche, Mildez, and all you other lasses, I hope your weekend's were lovely. i had my DH's brother, sister-in-law and 3 nieces and nephew visit from tas 4 5 nights.......I'm tired!! We dropped them off at the airport this arvo. They're such an adorable bunch though. I couldn't help but have a quite cry or two, their 4 month old is scrummy!
xxx
I was starting to get worried then i remembered murrycod( i am pretty sure) had to work last night so i hope thats why she hasnt posted.
Thanks Ferrals - I don't want to be worried ('cause then something might be wrong) but I was starting to be. How are you? I wanted to reply to your post yesterday but it's hard to be sure it will come out the right way but along the lines that our grief is all relative to our experiences and having your three boys is a blessing but you are just as entitled to feel the way you feel about loosing Abbie and everything you've been through in the past two years as some of us are about never being mothers. I always try to keep in my mind the things I have in my life to be grateful for, but some days the other stuff wins. Anyway, hope you are having a better day today.
MurryCod, hope you are having sweet dreams after your shift.
Sevie - thanks lovely, I think we feel the same about things, having people understand in here is such a god send.
Have a good day everyone x
Alice-thanks i know what you mean i feel really down some days then i think about what i have and how lucky i am to have found the love of my life and then some days it is why me why my daughter and i feel life is not fair i always wanted a girl for my mum the family is 99% grandsons and one grand daughter Abbi was the 2nd girl in 18 years and i feel cheated that she was taken away from us.
I know that might sound silly and my 3 boys are my world and when i was pregnant with them i didnt want a girl i was over the moon to have boys it wasnt until i met my now DH that i wanted a girl after everything we have been through i just want to see those 2 lines again and have a healthy baby the sex is not relavent at all i think part of my desire is to heal the pain we feel i want to feel normal again and maybe on some level i am hoping having another baby will help move on from losing Abbi otherwise i am scared i will never move on and will always feel sad inside i dont want to feel like this forever.
Anyway today is a good day thanks for asking i hope you are having a good day i am on cycle day 6 so just plotting along counting days until AF due so i can start IVF.
Ok now i'm worried:crossfingers:
Mmmmm.....
Me getting worried too !
Thinking of you Murraycod :hug:
:crossfingers:
xo
Maybe all the bad weather has stuffed murrycod's internet service i heard it was bad down that way.
Hi there
Now Im worried I stayed away for a whole 20hrs and come back to seeing Murraycod has gone AWAL ! Oh I so hope shes ok this rollercoaster ride is so damn tiring at times ! Murraycod where are you !!!
Alice I read your post yesterday and was so sad that you feel like you do sometimes but afterall we have to beat ourselves every now and then to keep in check, I am sure after all the wonderful work you have done on cleansing your body you will be able to get your BFP really soon you have worked so hard and I am sure you will be rewarded soon. I sometimes forget that some of you don't have noisey households like me and then I tell myself how lucky I am to be in a noisey busy messy home, I know all of you will get your dream one day soon as he who dares wins !
ferrals you couldn't have put it better about the always being sad inside if you don't give it your best shot, that is how I feel I sometimes think maybe I am too tired to do this again and then I remind myself that if I don't give it my best shot now then my time has run out so I buck myself up and think positive and remember all the lovely ladies on here who take the time to care for everyone and know exactly how I feel !
We are joined in spirit and have a wonderful way of understanding how each other feels even though we have never met, that is something special you know !!!
Kitfaeri hope your feeling sicker by the day !!! in the nicest possible way !
Will be back in a few hours to see if there is any news on Murray !
I can't believe there is still no word from Murrycod. Gosh I so hope everything is okay.
Ferrals - I understand why the FS is saying IVf now. We might be there together.
Crafty - the word on the NK test is that I can have the biopsy on the Gold Coast and it will be sent to Sydney for analyis. No word yet as to if or when FS is going to approve it as he was at a conference all last week.
It had been suggested to me that at some point I needed to say goodbye to my angels and I had resisted for a long time. The thought of getting rid of my pregnancy tests and ultra sound pictures was far too hard until now. But with my recent thoughts of the future I felt I had reached the right time. SO on sunday I gathered up the individual frames with pictures of my babies in them and tied them up with my pregnancy tests in a white ribbon. I chose a part of my garden and dug a hole during the day. Then that night under the light of the moon I placed them in the ground and planted 2 beautiful flowering plants over them and lit the lovely heart shaped candle my friend had bought me after the second loss and placed it on the ground. I stood and cried for ages and then my housemate joined me and I talked about how sad I felt but that I could also now say that no matter how hard this time has been I am grateful that I got to be their mum even for the briefest time.
Fly well my precious angels.
:cry: :cry:
Oh Sunbeam ! That is just beautiful !!
xoxo
Ok - my heart feels really heavy - i am worried about Murraycod :(
xoxo
Thinking of you all !
xoxo
Hi Ladies
Sunbeam - That was a beautiful thing to do. You are so brave.
I'm concerned about MurrayCod as well. I hope everything is OK. Perhaps the results just aren't in yet?