I am the same feeling guilty for having a child already and why can't I just be happy with what I've got when everyone keeps telling me I should be and just get on with life! We've got a nice house and 2 kids (but not together!) And I must say I want to slap them these days! Of course I'm happy with what I've got I. Life! It does not take away the longing for our own child that we have tried so hard for and lost so many times now.

And I feel even more bad like I'm a terrible step parent to his child as although I'm allways kind to him and a parent to him as much as I can be, I feel so very jealous of the fact my DF got to have a child with someone else and why not me! Sometimes it eats me up watching him play with him :-/ I have to look away or I'll cry.
And when I misscarry I can't stand to look at him and I feel so terrible! It's not his fault! But I just see my would be child in him and I have tried to feel otherwise but I just can't.
I just feel this in silence because it is just wrong. But thankfully DF gives me space from him when I'm miscarring for the first few days .
At first when we started realising we needed help my DF was giving me the line of if it happens it happens if not it's fine we got 2 kids already! It made me so distraught to hear after misscarring! ... Now he knows better and actually is nearly as upset as me it didn't work.
But our relationship is starting to shake and it's like one more thing this secondary infertility is spreading it's sickness over.
I'm so tired of the views that we already have kids so we shouldnt be as devastated or heart broken after our losses! What BS lol.
I'm so angry at DF for resisting so much AC due to money reasons we have had the money but he won't let us spend it on this hence we have only been able to do 2 full ivf.
He won't let us do anymore.
Lucky I have gotten pg using only fertility drugs ect but I'd love to go get pgd ivf after so many MC but it's out of the question :-/.
So I just have to subject myself to pot luck and god knows how many MC.

Awful. Sad. Scared. Depressed. Isolated. Don't know where I fit in the real world as those who have kids like me can have more easily and there's no understanding or support.
Guess I could keep going on but I'll spare you all lol!
Big hugs to you all on this journey xoxox