Hugs to you all

I, like so many others I guess, always felt like I should be so grateful for what I have. I do. I guess for me, not having had to struggle to conceive my first earth side child, is now proving extremely hard, as now I am struggling big time, why was it so easy before and not now?. Perhaps if falling pg was hard to begin with, I would be coping better now. I used to think of myself as very lucky, and now I'm not so sure. I know it's my age. I was 38 when I started IVF, then started again at almost 41 (huge fertility drop as my FS pointed out). Time is definitely not on my side. I recently read a book about couples going through fertility treatments, and it said that secondary infertility is often as hard, if not harder, than primary infertility. Yes, we have that child or two or three or more. But the longing to add to our families is very heart breaking if we cannot achieve that. I think it's particularly hard if you have only one child, as that longing to give them a sibling, to have someone to grow up with, to have (hopefully) around in their lives when mum and dad are no longer there, is hard to cope with. I don't want my DS to be an only child. I know it's not the end of the world, but I would love nothing more that to give him a playmate. Sadly, the age gap will now be at least 5 years, I really wanted 2 to 3. But I'm not even there. There might not even be a sibling for DS, and I struggle with that. DS has 3 older half siblings, but they are so much older (21, 25 and 29) they are more like an uncle and aunties to him than brother and sisters. It's hard