LTTTC and Secondary Infertility - What are your experiences?

[Miss.B]

Pretty quiet in here.....

Really struggling ATM with all the preggo bellies around me. Luckily they are not too close, touch wood (how horrible of me) eg, in the family/close friends, but I swear they are EVERYWHERE. I never thought I would struggle this much. It seems they will be there where ever I go, since we go to indoor play centers, parks, etc, I guess where there's mums with kids there will be bellies. Anyone feel like this? Sometimes the feeling is just soooo overwhelming, I struggle with daily life. Also, my birthday is coming up and I ain't getting younger, and this.does.not.help.one.little.bit

[juniper76]

Yep, I see the same things. And it doesn't help that we've had 2 new nieces born already this year and another who just had a 1st birthday party. I'm surrounded by babies... I love the stage DD is at (3yo), but still miss the baby stage...

I feel like the mm/c derailed my relationship with DD (I couldn't cope and just retreated into myself for a while) and I don't know how to get it back. I keep hoping another baby will help me find my way back to it, but I guess it could also make it worse...??
(Sorry, that was a bit off topic, and I almost deleted it for that reason, but decided it was something I needed to admit and face and so left it there...)

[Miss.B]

That's tough hun . Do you think you feel bad because you feel that you've let your DD down by not being there for her when you had your mm/c, or that you feel guilty by not able to give her a brother or sister? Sometimes I feel so bad that I might not be able to give DS a sibling. Other times I feel like the universe is trying to punish me or something, I lost my first baby, then I lost a little one in my early m/c, I feel like maybe the universe is saying you can only handle one....the fact that there might be a big age gap between the two (big IF there with be two in the first place) is also hard. Why is so damn hard to add to our families

[juniper76]

It's probably a bit of both.

And I've thought similar things as you, about the universe punishing me, but it was more like I'd failed the test with DD and wasn't a good enough parent to deserve another. Haven't thought that in a while now (thankfully) - I've seen too many "bad" parents (eg drug addicted mother who caused her child to be born severely mentally and physically disabled and then let him almost starve to death as an infant before he was taken away from her at 4mo and just had another child this week - #6 for her - which was taken away from her immediately this time) have child after child to believe that I'm any less "deserving", so my focus is more on the issues that are causing our IF - ie endo, DOR (caused by the endo) and MFI. Which means, rather than feeling "punished", I mostly just feel angry (about all the Drs who dismissed my pain, leaving my endo undiagnosed and running rampant for 20 years to cause my share of our IF problems)...

[Miss.B]

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking now, about not being a good enough parent to DS so that's why perhaps I'm not getting pg with another one. Thanks for that perspective hun, I think I really needed to hear that. Deep down I know I'm a good parent, it's just that sometimes it's easy to blame my less-than-perfect parent moments for not being given another blessing.

[twollamas]

Hugs to you both! I'm sure you are both amazing mums -and that's precisely why you sometimes feel guilty about 'not being good enough' xx

I totally hear you Miss B - I have to consciously remind myself to smile at the pregnant women I pass rather than glare at them

[Sarah4kurt13]

Yep hand up here too, I must somehow not deserve another baby because mine is shared care with my ex her father! He has her as much as me so I don't have her all the time like other mums usually do in break ups!
But then I just tell myself to get a grip lol... Yeah right! How hard it is to get a grip on this sec IF thing!
The whole thing plays on your mind like a very long very bad movie!
I'm doing donor eggs I swear if It will help. I'm tired of trying new things over n over to only fail.
It's no wonder why it's hard to stay positive! It's the longest and hardest battle of my entire life soul searching and destroying if I let it get me down and reality is you have to be made of stone for it not to get you down.

My best friend is pregnant and due the day before my mc would have been.
Argh!
I'm still here after soooo long! I get to watch the babies around me grow while I'm still at the ttc stage so wishing our turn would come next. :-/.

I want to run and hide from the pregnants!
But have to pretend I'm fine and I'm not really.

Big hugs xoxo